loveandlogic

In this episode Mary interviews author Elaine Taylor-Kraus from ImpactParents about her new book: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More

This guide gives all parents a guide in how to best help their children overcome their challenges in healthy, loving and practical ways. 

Whether or not you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, Asperger’s, any other executive function issues or you’re just worried that your child is out of step with their peers, please listen in for some great advice on how her book can help you in your journey. Personally, I think we all have complex kids and can learn from Elaine’s wisdom. 

She also discusses her parenting class that is a combination of online learning and coaching sessions called Sanity School that is a great compliment to her new book.  

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode learn how to get to the heart of your child and teach them how to apologize. 
Learn how to:
1 - Wait till the emotion has passed
2 - Brainstorm with your child to encourage ideas of how the apology can work for them
3 - If their hearts won't melt then allow consequences of their poor decision to not apologize guide them to make better choices. 

Did your parents ever force you to apologize? Did it really make you feel sorry? I’m guessing that, like me, you probably just felt worse, felt embarrassed and it made you even more mad at whatever/whomever caused you to be rude in the first place. 

Apologies are really important, however; what we want is for the heart of our kid to change, to have them understand that their behavior was unacceptable and caused hurt in another human being.  In this podcast are some ideas that might be more effective at changing your child's heart instead of just forcing them through the motions of an insincere “I’m sorry.”

See TRANSCRIPT HERE. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Understanding how a person perceives love is essential for knowing how to communicate  love to them.  In this interview I'm so happy to have Bec and Holly who have a podcast called ILoveYouTooMuchToArgue  to explain what Love Languages are and how to use them in your family. 

Five Love Languages are:
Acts of Service
Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch

Take the free online quiz!


Find Holly and Bec anywhere you listen to podcasts and you can contact them at iloveyoutoomuchtoargue@gmail.com or on their Instagram page - @ILoveYouTooMuchtoArguePodcast

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Parents are often baffled by their kids not listening and totally ignoring them.  In this seminar which was taped during a Zoom presentation, parents learn that how we talk to our kids and when we talk to them has a huge impact on their ability to listen to us. 

In this talk you'll learn not only WHEN to communicate but about these techniques to be more impactful when you do:

• How to go "brain dead" when our kids are emotional
• How to use loving limits to state what you're willing to do
• How giving choices can activate your kid's brain while sharing control about things you don't really mind sharing
• How letting our kids solve their own problems instead of hovering and telling them what to do can allow our kids to feel supported and listened to

If you'd like to watch the YouTube video,  here's a link for that:  YouTube Link

If you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Tantrums continue to be a huge problem for parents.  Take a listen to this one hour Zoom seminar Mary did with a live audience with lots of practical advice on how to get a handle on tantrums in your home.  Learn about:

• Why tantrums happen
• What to do while the tantrum is happening
• What to do AFTER the tantrum is over
• How to avoid tantrums in the future

If you'd like to see the full video with slides go to the Parenting Decoded YouTube channel:
WATCH VIDEO HERE

Mood Chart:
LINK TO MOOD CHART

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Kids are self-centered from the get-go, no doubt about it. We have to teach them to be grateful for all that they have, all that we give them.  But, how on earth do we do that when there's so much taking and so little giving going on around us? 
 
First, I want to talk about entitlement – what it is and how it can grow out of control.  Then I’ll go over ideas on how to nurture an attitude of gratitude in your home.

Beware of these entitlement issues in your home:
1.    Giving instant gratification

2.    Rewards are expected­

3.    Boundaries are not respected

4.    Life is supposed to be “Fair”

5.    Providing constant entertainment

Try some of these ideas on how to grow an attitude of gratitude instead: 

1. Stop complaining
2. Reframe things in the positive 
3. Teach delayed gratification
4. Teach the value of hard work
5. Set healthy boundaries and say NO
6. Teach kids about money
7. Do a charity project
8. Expand your family's cultural experiences
9. Practice acts of kindness
10. Use gratitude in your daily conversations
11. Don't give rewards all the time
12. Limit gifts
13. Donate
14. Write Thank You Notes

VIEW FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Our kids are smart.  They really know how to manipulate us into getting what they want – crying, whining, having tantrums, giving us the silent treatment.  It can be overwhelming.  In my last podcast we were learning how to use choices early to avoid power struggles from the get-go.  In this podcast we’re going to follow along that positive path by using another technique that is a companion to choices – setting boundaries and limits.  

Kids to better knowing the rules.  Here are the guidelines to follow that I cover in this podcast: 
1 - Define the boundaries
2 -  Keep them positive
3 - Have consequences
4 - Be consistent 
5 - Be reasonable 
6 - Be calm and loving

FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode we talk about what good might come from sibling rivalry but then some really practical techniques to use with your kids:

• not taking sides
• separating our kids
• teaching them communication skills
• setting aside Special Time 

I also talk about the very useful technique from Love and Logic Institute called Energy Drain and where to get more information on how to get your own energy back after your kids fight and argue.

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST


Here are the links I refer to in my podcast of other resources:

Love and Logic audios
     Energy Drain - Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy
     Sibling Rivalry

Mary's Energy Drain Idea List

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this podcast we about how to handle sleep for our tweens and teens and why sleep seems to be so difficult for them biologically and socially.  I want to give you some ideas about how to react and manage both your expectations and theirs regarding this really essential part of their growing years. With the stresses in our environment today the impact of sleep on our mental health and immune system is super important for us to pay attention to so I hope these ideas will smooth out a few issues in your home. 

Some highlights:

• Academic stress is robbing our kids of sleep
• Electonics needs to be managed
• Bedtimes for middle schoolers are fine
• No required bedtimes for high schoolers since we need them to learn how to manage their sleep.  
• Help to have input into their wake-up times instead of when they go to bed
• If they are grumpy in the morning give them empathy and offer to help 
• Plan Special Time with your teen to allow for one-on-one brainstorming about issues
• Most importantly have a relationship with your teen, no yelling or nagging!

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Food battles are so common in families this podcast is dedicated to giving ideas on how to move from battle to harmony at mealtime. 

Here are some of the items covered:

Family Mealtime Rules

1.     We eat at the table

2.     We don’t have electronics, toys, or  books while we eat 

3.     If a kid can lift a fork on their own, they need to feed themselves 

4.     When someone gets up from the table, they are done eating

I go into detail about how to implement each of these rules.

I also talk about ways to expand the foods that your kids eat by doing the following things:

1. Take the power away from your kids about what they eat.  You have to not care.
2. Don't be anxious about their eating, you being chill will really help and they will settle down over time if there's no medical issues.  Let your pediatrician be the guide.
3. Offer at least one choice on their plates they like.
4. Have a food treasure hunt with your kids in getting them to try new foods.  Even let them spit it out if they don't like it!

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST

You also might need to use Energy Drain techniques from Love and Logic Institute.  Here is a link to more info about that:
ENERGY DRAIN

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode we review a number of different situations where a parent not remembering something allowed their children to become responsible and prove to themselves and their parents that they are capable as well. 

We also learn how being the "Finder" parent in your household isn't as helpful as we think it is.  Finder parents are those parents who know where everything in the house is thus allowing their family members to have a reason to not be responsible for their own stuff.  This unthankful job should be abandoned ASAP since we are robbing our children of the life lessons of what happens when they forget.

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode targeted toward parents of teens we'll learn how to deal with disrespect in our home.  As part of dealing with disrespect we learn what happens to our teens and tweens when they get upset.  We learn about the brain science behind the teen brain that makes maintaining respect in our homes more difficult. 

We discuss the ways in which parents react to disrespect and how it doesn't work. 

We will cover how waiting until the emotional moment has passed and putting up with the disrespect for a while will be the magic weapon we'll use to gain control of respect once again.  Once we are all calm then we will be able to have rational discussions with our teens and get them to put positive energy back into our relationships creating the respect that we're looking for. 

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Date: 2/25/20
Episode #1 - Helicopter Parenting

Take a look at how to decode this now classic style of parenting -- the Helicopter Parent.  The hovering and nagging are holding our kids back!  Learn why we do this and get hints on what to do about it so you can raise a responsible, respectful child to be an independent and amazing adult.

HOW WE HELICOPTER
- Hovering
- Nagging

2:30min
WHY WE HELICOPTER - three examples
- Forgetting a lunch box: a kid might be hungry
- Not waking up in the morning: a kid might not make it to school
- Contantly checking grades and assignments: a kid might not get all their assignments, projects and grades that they need to be successful in life
We don't trust that our kids can handle life.  Without us they'll fail!

4:45min
HOW HELICOPTERING HARMS OUR KIDS
- Lunchbox kid: learns they can ignore the parents, that if their lunch is forgotten it's not their fault, it's their parent's fault
- Waking up kid: learns if they aren't ready on time then it's their parent's fault
- Grade checking parent: the kid learns they don't have to watch and plan, their parent will do it for them

6:50min
LETTING GO EXAMPLE - let my kid ready on his own
Once I stopped helicoptering my son learned how to plan his own reading schedule.  We did some brainstorming but he owned it!

10:20min
UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
1 - Self Confidence is undermined.  When we do too much because we don't trust our kids to take care of everything then they start believing that it's true.
2 - Lazy, entitled kids are created.  When we do too much the kids learn that we'll do lots for them just to protect them so they learn they don't have to do things since mom or dad will cover for them. 

12:30min
LET THEM FAIL!
We need to let go!  To give our kids love and empathy as they make mistakes.  Let them forget their lunch or be late for school.  Heaven forbid but let them turn in assignments late or get a bad grade.  They need to know what it feels like to fail so that they'll want to succeed. 

16:00min
The End!

Contact Info:
If you have parenting questions of your own please email me: mary@parentingwithlogic.com.
My website and blog can be found at www.parentingwithlogic.com.

Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!