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Transcript:
What is a Man?
The Truth is, we occupy but one sphere, so far as we know, which travels through a vast emptiness toward destinations we mere humans cannot fathom, at speeds unknown.
And just as we have no reference for the distance traveled by our own solar system, we seldom have any reference for our own life purpose. We can become directional, yet aimless.
And the chance of a glimpse of the great beyond, however tentative, can hold us in it's warm embrace long after the feeling of Epiphany wears off.
There is that 'surety' we get when we know something to be true; and the 'disappointment', when we realize it was never true in the first place.
And there we stand, each of us. Naked and fragile at birth... and even more so at the time of our unavoidable demise, which no man escapes.
As any philosopher finds, a thinking man can damage his own psyche as easily as mending his weaknesses. Every tool a possible weapon, and every treasure uncovered leaves behind a potential grave.
And just what is a 'Man'? What, in the modern day, does it mean to be a man? Dare one even ask the question, without being descended on by those instisting that it has no meaning whatsoever?
Are there those who feel offended that others think being a man still has importance?
Growing up in the 1980s and 90s, my
generation, like those before us, had made efforts to dispel the notion of the tough guy, the muscled weightlifer, or the daredevil, as a true measure of Manhood. Nonetheless, even to this day a large number of men still believe that they have to prove themselves in the ring at the slightest provocation.
Many will peacock, show their feathers, this is only natural. But there is no room for senseless violence or thoughtless rebellion on a whim. A man should be concise in his actions when he takes them, and refrain from speaking with his fists. Emotional intelligence will save the day- Throwing a tantrum will seldom end well, often to the point of being locked away in a cage.
Being a man today, however, comes with a price that many never need to address in the current consumer economy. That is the price of being a protector, whether we want the job or not.
A man can live his whole life and never need to take up arms, or throw a punch, but it has not always been this way.
And it may not always be this way.
There is no animal on Earth that we can compare humans to which yield any results when dealing with behavior of the sexes, yet in many primate groups we find the males are the protectors of the group, yet the females are often in charge. It is not a matter of control, but community, and keeping one another safe as the species evolves.
Each animal uses their unique strengths that they were endowed with, just as we humans do, (when we know what they are.) There are mating rituals, and bias, just as in the animal kingdom. But the one difference is that we can choose to look within for virtues rather than assuming strength comes from looks and power. Though, even in today's world we have failed to get the message.
Men are all unique, as with women, and a long history of evolution has led us to the modern day where a guy can spend his whole life watching football and drinking beer...
And feel manly.
Or buy a ridiculously large pickup truck, add some chrome and a lift kit, a loud exhaust, and drive around town not daring to ever take it off road as to not scratch the paint or get it dirty.
And feel manly.
Or a man who has never got his hands dirty on anything except slipping cash into someones g-string in a dark, dank bar in the middle of the day.
And feel....manly?
Perhaps. I suppose in many cases, it is the plastic and paper in the wallet that gives one security. But it never lasts. True wealth cannot be taken away once it is discovered.
But to each his own, so long as others do not suffer.
But those who abuse their children, their wives or their pets, do not deserve the title of Man. They are the dogs of society, the undesirables, the scum on the bottom of the shoe, as you wipe it onto the mat before entering the temple.
These boys, these sad boys, who cannot keep their violent tendencies and angry fists to themselves, whether with women, children, or other men, deserve pity. For they themselves have likely suffered the same fate.
But pity is not acceptance, it is tolerance. And some actions cannot be tolerated.
Perhaps almost as disturbing, from the opposite end, are those men who are so ill prepared for an emergency or external threat, that when faced with one they freeze up and take no action to save those that depend on them, or even themselves for that matter. Our culture allows us to be so passive, many would not know how to address an accident or an intruder, and it is our duty to protect those who cannot protect themselves.
Adrenaline is a tool, but can also be a curse.
Because of this alone, being a man still matters. And the root meaning is more than what a person looks like, how they are built, or what race they are. Men are needed in all cultures. Real men. Who can fix things when they are broken, protect those they love, and even change their spark plugs sometime, at LEAST once, in this precious thing we call life. Because when we know basic trades, when we get dirty, and sweat while we are getting things done, when we think things through instead of getting frustrated, and learn from our mistakes, we feel good. We feel satisfied. We feel like Men.
And there are some who take masculinity to such as level that it makes me cringe. There are men who are so afraid to show any kind of weakness, they refuse to acknowledge time, injecting testosterone to feel strong, even as their bodies are aging naturally, which we should accept gracefully.
Once again, our muscle tone and aggression level do not determine manhood. They can be valuable commodities to draw on in times of chaos, but in today's society we might have to rethink a few ideas about what strength really is. And as usual, this is subjective.
On the other side of the coin, there are those who choose to complicate the idea of manhood by ridiculing and berating anyone who fits the 'standard man' description. Those who wish to redefine the idea often have some great points, but to abandon the traditional attributes of manhood and rites of passage is, in my opinion, not a productive way to address a changing society. If we strip away the definitions that have for so long defined manhood, it leaves an empty cavern in the hearts and minds of half the population.
What do we replace it with? Or do we wish to abandon the characteristics that define us because we feel uncomfortable talking about them?
As usual, I prefer to walk in the middle.
What I am saying, in essence, is that manhood is an idea that has permeated culture from the beginning of civilization. And because it is passed down from our ancestors, young men desire risk taking, have moments of aggression, and often enjoy roughhousing. It is not something to be rid of, but something to be celebrated.
I am not here to only speak of what a man is, but rather what I think a man isn't. For those who abuse others, pick fights or cheat people, they lack integrity, which is what a man should be searching for. Integrity within their own community, to suit their needs. A man who neglects or abuses his children, especially, has not earned the right to call himself a man. Just another boy. I have no pity for those who violate the rights of others.
Being a man does not require raising children, or having a family. However if one chooses this path, a real man will always put his family first, and learn patience with fatherhood. When young people depend on us for guidance, it obliges us to try to be the best we can be. We will make mistakes, and we will be selfish at times, but the underlying values can be improved upon, as we learn more ourselves. We are, after all, always moving forward, and there is no pinnacle of knowledge to reach.
Joining the military in itself does not make a man better, but there are still lessons to learn if we are listening. Fighting in a war overseas does not make a hero, but saving your fellow soldiers, or civilians, very well can. Being a member of a group of any kind is only sa strong as it's individual members. We have to find our niche in the process.
But for my personal journey to understand manhood, I have learned the importance of role models, and heroes, of which I never really had any. I have also tried to be the best father to my 3 sons, and husband to my wife. I make every effort to be honest in my dealings and business transactions, and never take advantage of others. I keep to myself, unless called upon for action, which I will, (often eventually and reluctantly) get around to.
Procrastination, after all, is MY superpower.
And finally, one aspect that often goes unmentioned, is that finding a purpose or a passion goes a lot farther in manhood than growing an epic beard or even shaving it off with a chainsaw. In truth, what we are often looking for is recognition that we are strong enough and able enough to defend ourselves, and others, from attack, from not just physical abuse, but mental, emotional and Intellectual.
This is why I am partial to stoicism, something all humans should try and understand. Not just men, obviously, as most of the above traits also apply to women, or anyone who identifies with ANY pronoun. As human beings, we all share most of our general behaviors. For the sake of this discussion, I am only speaking for the men, despite only seeing it from my own perspective.
That said, there is still room to be a Man's Man in today's world, and perhaps we need them more than ever. We will always need strength but we also need good character. Somehow the idea of being a man has been hijacked by wealthy aristocrats over the centuries, but by their choice of company and demeanor, I have a hard time believing some of them ever lifted a finger, unless it was to execute some peasants or burn a witch. The same goes for those who believe that finances determine their worth.
But I digress.
My point is that the way a man looks on the outside can often hide a dark truth that goes unseen, whether he is in a nice suit or drives an expensive car.
And likewise, the same can be said for a dingy dressed shaggy homeless man on the street corner, that may have a story that would leave a lesser man speechless.
Our stories, and those things we carry inside, they build in us. They move us forward.
Our muses, our experiences, and our fear of the unknown drive us closer toward our eventual decay, something we should embrace.
So does it mean anything to be a man?
That is up to the individual.
My message here will not resonate with everyone, but it is not intended to.
The young men, and older men out there, will likely know what I mean when I say the upcoming generations seem to have lost their way. Many men crave those primal experiences such as hiking, camping, contact sports, hunting, fishing and taking risks.
Adrenaline junkies are among us.
Something is being lost in the modern world in many regions. And the rites of passage that are so desperately needed have been replaced by college parties and cheap beer, through no fault of our own. It's just the way things have been for a long time.
We are often told that our earnings determine our value, and convinced that if we ever feel slighted, we need to lash out and defend our alpha status. We are told to sacrifice unconditionally for our nation, under the guise of freedom. These are not the traits I speak of when discussing manhood. The strengths have little to do with physical power and even less to do with following another's orders. On the contrary, the strength we must seek is internal, unwaivering.
The lessons we need are learned over a period of time, through experience and failure.
The strength lies in standing up for what we feel is right, and being collected enough to listen to others.
To be part of humanity means we both think for ourselves, and respect what those around us need, and how we are all affected. Protecting the weak, and helping the less fortunate, should always be on the top of our list.
There are no bullies that are Real Men, none whatsoever.
In conclusion, we as a 'society' can decide as a collective whether or not there is any meaning of the word MAN in our modern world.
But we as 'individuals' decide what attributes we would like to associate with the term.
For the young men out there, who may feel aimless or have no direction, I would suggest to find out who you really are, and act on building your strengths, while being honest about your weaknesses.
Work on mastering your emotional intelligence, and be stoic in your thoughts and dealings.
Do not throw fits or fists, or be overcome by your own feelings, merely because you feel insulted, or slighted.
At the same time, stand up for yourself, and others. Speak your truth, and allow others to speak theirs as well. No man is an island, as the saying goes, and to have true integrity, by definition, means to integrate into the world we inhabit. As a parent or husband, protect your family from harm, external and internal. And speak carefully, concisely, and with virtuous patience.
We must live within the boundaries of our own psyche, for the duration of our existence. We have a lot to learn about the world, and ourselves, and it is never too late to step up and find out who we really are.
And WE, as the collective, and individuals, decide where to go from there.
Man up, or it's man down.
Thanks for listening.
