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    #109 Angela Duckworth: Grit and Human Behavior

    enApril 20, 2021
    What was the main topic of the podcast episode?
    Summarise the key points discussed in the episode?
    Were there any notable quotes or insights from the speakers?
    Which popular books were mentioned in this episode?
    Were there any points particularly controversial or thought-provoking discussed in the episode?
    Were any current events or trending topics addressed in the episode?

    Podcast Summary

    • The interplay between personality and situation influences human behavior.Human behavior is influenced by both individual personality traits and the specific situations they find themselves in. These factors interact and shape each other over time.

      Human behavior is influenced by both the individual's personality and the situation they are in. The debate between person versus situation has been a central question in psychology and philosophy. While some argue for the consistency of behavior across situations, the available data suggests that behavior is not highly consistent, with a correlation of only about 0.3. However, there is also evidence of personality traits, classified in the big five factors (extroversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness to experience, and emotional stability), being consistent across culture and time. The resolution of this debate suggests that personality and situation interact in a conversation-like manner, with the individual's personality influencing the situation and the situation shaping the individual's personality over time.

    • Bringing our unconscious thoughts to light for personal growth and excellence.By raising our awareness and actively engaging in conversations with ourselves and others, we can gain insights into our behavior and make conscious choices for improvement. Additionally, maintaining an underdog mindset helps avoid complacency and fosters continual growth.

      Our circumstances and unconscious thoughts play a significant role in shaping our behavior, emotions, and motivations. While there is a conversation happening between who we are and the situations we find ourselves in, much of it occurs beneath our conscious awareness. However, Angela Duckworth suggests that we can bring this dialogue to our conscious awareness and actively engage in it to understand how our circumstances affect us. By raising our awareness and having conversations with ourselves and those around us, we can gain insights into our behavior and make conscious choices to improve our situations. Additionally, the discussion highlights the value of maintaining an underdog mindset, even in times of success, to avoid complacency and continually strive for excellence.

    • The Path to Excellence: Never Stop Learning and GrowingContinuous effort, a growth mindset, and surrounding oneself with opportunities and the right people are key to achieving high levels of success.

      The really outstanding performers, the ones who consistently achieve high levels of success, are never complacent and are always willing to put in the effort to keep learning and growing. They are the ones who understand that there is no diminishing return when it comes to achievement and understanding. While most people tend to stop trying once they reach a certain level of success or accomplishment, these exceptional individuals continue to strive for more. Their drive and perseverance are not solely determined by their genes or upbringing, but also by their own choices and mindset. They have the agency to shape their own circumstances and surround themselves with the right people and opportunities for growth. Nature and nurture both play a role in their journey towards excellence.

    • The Role of Nature and Nurture in Individual DevelopmentBoth genetic and environmental factors shape an individual's characteristics and outcomes. It is important to address systemic barriers and provide equal opportunities for personal development, ensuring a more equitable society.

      Both nature and nurture play a significant role in shaping an individual's characteristics and outcomes. While DNA inherited from biological parents influences various psychological and physical traits, there is also evidence that nurture, including environmental factors, upbringing, and personal choices, has an impact as well. It is important not to overlook the impact of structural poverty, racism, and other systemic barriers that hinder achievement and underachievement. Teaching concepts like growth mindset, grit, and agency can be valuable, but it should be balanced with addressing larger problems such as inadequate classrooms, curriculum, and resources. Ultimately, personal development should involve learning skills like goal-setting, planning, resilience, and stress management, ensuring that all children have access to these opportunities regardless of their background. By acknowledging the significance of both nature and nurture, we can better understand individual development and create more equitable environments for all individuals.

    • Taking control of your life through agency and active mindsetBy understanding that they have control over their behavior and performance, individuals can improve their chances of success and lead more fulfilling lives.

      Individuals have agency and can modify their situations to achieve their goals. Instead of adopting a passive mindset and perceiving life as something that just happens to them, people should take an active approach. By understanding that they can control their behavior and performance, individuals can improve their chances of success. This idea of agency is essential for personal growth and development. It empowers individuals to make deliberate choices and take responsibility for their actions. While certain outcomes may be beyond their control, focusing on what they can influence can lead to more productive and fulfilling lives. Teaching children about their agency and the importance of modifying their situations can be a valuable lesson for navigating life's challenges and achieving their goals.

    • The Power of Reactions and Responses in Building Confidence and ResilienceOur reactions to challenges and failures have a significant impact on our personal growth and development. By actively seeking out opportunities to overcome obstacles and seeking guidance from mentors, we can learn to build confidence and resilience in the face of adversity.

      Our reactions and responses to challenges and failures play a crucial role in building confidence and resilience. Howard Thurman's teachings highlight the idea that while we cannot control the circumstances we are born into, we have control over how we react to them. This concept is echoed by Victor Frankl's experiences in the concentration camps, emphasizing the importance of our reactions in difficult situations. To instill this mindset in children, it is important for parents to create opportunities for them to overcome challenges and experience success after struggle. Similarly, as adults, seeking out mentors and coaches who can guide us in setting appropriate challenges and providing a different perspective can help us grow and overcome our own limitations.

    • The Power of Specific and Valuable FeedbackEmbracing specific feedback, even if uncomfortable, is essential for personal growth and improvement. Actively seeking and listening to feedback allows for thriving and continual improvement.

      Feedback is an important tool for growth and improvement, but it can be difficult to receive and process. Angela Duckworth shares her experience of receiving specific and detailed feedback after a presentation that did not go well. She initially felt humiliated and had negative self-talk, but she realized that the feedback was actually valuable and changeable. The conversation highlights the importance of specific feedback and how it differs from vague criticism. While it may be uncomfortable to receive extensive feedback, it ultimately helps us learn and grow. Duckworth emphasizes that those who actively seek and listen to feedback are the ones who can thrive and improve.

    • The Importance of Feedback and Growth MindsetEmbrace feedback and prioritize learning over temporary comfort. Success in handling negative feedback comes from past accomplishments and secure attachment. Finding direction and passion is crucial for developing determination and grit.

      Feedback is crucial for personal growth and problem-solving. Angela Duckworth emphasizes the importance of being open to feedback from others and from the world in general. She highlights that the desire to learn and improve should outweigh the need to feel good in the moment. Additionally, Duckworth explains that the ability to effectively handle negative feedback stems from a history of mastery and success experiences. She also mentions the significance of secure attachment in early childhood, which contributes to one's ability to take risks and handle criticism. Furthermore, Duckworth mentions that many young people struggle with finding direction and passion in their lives, which is an essential aspect to develop determination and grit.

    • Nurturing our passion for a fulfilling futureInstead of blindly following our passion, we should focus on developing our interests, exploring different avenues, and finding activities that align with our talents and bring value to others. Displaying grit and resilience is crucial in times of uncertainty.

      Following our passion may not always be the most helpful advice, especially for those who are unsure of what they want to do. Instead, it is better to focus on developing our interests and allowing our relationship with our passions to evolve over time. Just like a marriage, our relationship with our passion deepens and matures as we explore different avenues and invest time and effort into them. Additionally, finding activities that are both enjoyable and valuable to others can be a key indicator of where our talents and passions lie. It is important to choose paths that feel easy and fun, but also be willing to work hard and persevere when challenges arise. Lastly, during times of difficulty and uncertainty, it is crucial to recognize when we are most likely to give up and find ways to intervene, whether through mental interventions or seeking support from others. In the current times, displaying grit and resilience is more important than ever.

    • Understanding Uncertainty and Its Impact on Mental Well-beingUncertainty can lead to negative emotions and a sense of helplessness. To overcome this, focus on deliberate practice and create personal rules or habits to increase the chances of success.

      The psychological dimensions of uncertainty, as seen in 2020, have amplified negative emotions and contributed to learned helplessness. When faced with unpredictable traumas and a lack of control over their outcomes, individuals are more likely to experience symptoms of depression and give up. Additionally, the decision to quit pursuing goals can stem from a decline in their perceived value or a belief that they cannot achieve them. The concept of the 10,000-hour rule, often associated with achieving success, is not solely about the number of hours but the quality of deliberate practice. Deliberate practice requires hyper intentionality, complete concentration, immediate feedback, and repeated cycles. Lastly, creating personal rules, routines, or habits that prioritize deliberate practice can increase the likelihood of success.

    • The Power of Habits and Personal Rules in SuccessEstablishing personalized habits and rules helps us stay focused, make beneficial choices, and overcome distractions, increasing our chances of achieving success.

      Habits and personal rules play a significant role in achieving success. Successful people often have a small number of inviolable rules and habits that they follow consistently. These habits and rules put our actions on autopilot and free up cognitive resources for other tasks. Moreover, they serve as self-control devices, helping us make choices that are beneficial in the long run but may not be the easiest or most fun in the short run. By establishing habits and rules, we can overcome the temptations and immediate alternatives that might derail us. However, it is important to create our own rules rather than relying on external sources to determine them. Personalized rules align with our individual goals and aspirations, increasing the likelihood of success.

    • Understanding Different Types of Rules for Intentional LivingBy creating lifestyle and identity-based rules and considering the logic of consequence and appropriateness, we can guide our behavior and decision-making to live a more intentional and fulfilling life.

      There are different types of rules we can create to guide our behavior and decision-making. One type is lifestyle rules, which focus on habits and routines that promote overall well-being, such as getting enough sleep and eating healthy. Another type is identity-based rules, which involve aligning our actions with the type of person we want to become. These rules help us make choices based on who we are and how we want to be perceived in different situations. The logic of consequence, involving cost-benefit analysis, is also important in decision-making. However, the logic of appropriateness, which considers the situation and our identity, plays a significant role in guiding our actions. Understanding and utilizing these different types of rules can help us live more intentional and fulfilling lives.

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    Watch the episode on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos⁠

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: ⁠https://fs.blog/newsletter/⁠

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    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap

    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap
    Over the last decade, therapy has become the de facto solution to solve all sorts of problems for all sorts of people. Everyone has slowly accepted that therapy is normal and a net benefit to society.

    But instead of helping kids work through difficult circumstances, what if it's just making the problems worse? That's what Abigail Shrier thinks is happening, and in this conversation, she reveals some surprising reasons why.

    Shane and Shrier discuss the real reason therapy is "bad," how we got to this point of acceptance as a culture, and what you can do as a parent to get back to normalcy. Shrier also shares her experiences with lifelong therapy patients, who should actually be in therapy, and the one thing that makes someone a successful parent.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - https://fs.blog/clear/ 

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    Sponsors:

    Shopify: Making commerce better for everyone. https://www.shopify.com/shane

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    (00:00) Intro
    (05:44) Inverse: How do we raise mentally unstable kids?
    (08:29) How we got to now
    (11:45) Bad therapy...or just social trends?
    (13:21) Being your kids' friend: good or bad?
    (15:55) The parenting type that raises the BEST kids
    (21:35) Is this all the parents' fault?
    (29:53) Is "Bad Therapy" a world-wide problem?
    (32:57) Talk to your kids' therapist about these things
    (42:09) The importance of facing adversity in childhood
    (47:06) Can we blame grad schools for all of this?
    (49:14) On technology and social media
    (51:03) Schools should "never" have gotten involved in mental health
    (54:43) Did COVID accelerate "bad therapy?"
    (56:07) How to return to normalcy
    (58:21) Why Shane shares negative YouTube comments with his kids
    (01:01:23) Shrier's experience being "cancelled"
    (01:04:13) On prestige media
    (01:07:47) Small steps parents can take to return to normal
    (01:11:02) Dealing with schools saying one thing and parents saying another
    (01:13:32) Why is the silent majority...silent?
    (01:16:32) If this continues, what happens?
    (01:18:19) What makes someone a successful parent?

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    What if reaching the next level of success wasn't determined by another skill, degree, or course but by something that changed on the inside?

    That's what Dr. Jim Loehr believes, and in this episode, he reveals everything he knows about mental toughness and winning the mind game. Shane and Loehr discuss the radical importance of the stories you tell yourself—including how they can damage your kids—and how to change the negative stories you believe. Loehr also shares the best reflection questions to ask yourself to reveal personal blindspots, the importance of rituals for calming anxiety and performing under pressure, and how the best in the world use their recovery time effectively.

    Dr. Jim Loehr is a world-renowned performance psychologist and author of 16 books. From his more than 30 years of experience and applied research, Dr. Loehr believes the single most important factor in successful achievement, personal fulfillment, and life satisfaction is the strength of one’s character. Dr. Loehr possesses a masters and doctorate in psychology and is a full member of the American Psychological Association.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - https://fs.blog/clear/ 

    Follow me: https://beacons.ai/shaneparrish

    Join our membership: https://fs.blog/membership/

    Sponsor:

    Protekt: Simple solutions to support healthy routines. Enter the code "Knowledge" at checkout to receive 30% off your order. https://protekt.com/knowledge

     

    (00:00) Intro

    (03:20) Parenting and storytelling

    (06:15) How to determine whether or not the stories are limiting or enabling you

    (08:41) What the stories world-class performers tell themselves

    (15:02) How to change the stories you tell yourself

    (23:26) Questions to journal about

    (26:16) Private voices vs. public voices (and how they impact your kids)

    (31:32) How to help your friends change their stories

    (37:30) How to better come alongside your kids to prevent destructive behavior

    (44:48) - (45:06) What Loehr knows about high performers that others miss

    (53:12) On time and energy

    (01:06:26) Conquering the "between point" ritual

    (01:11:50) On rituals vs. habits

    (01:15:54) How to increase your mental toughness

    (01:23:51) On success

     

     

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