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    120. Jen Hatmaker’s Back! Forgiveness & the Audacity to Rebuild

    enAugust 09, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Embracing life's ups and downs leads to growthEmbrace life's challenges, prioritize baby's skin with gentle products, and experience unexpected growth and joy

      Life can present us with challenges and hardships, but these experiences can ultimately lead to growth and the creation of something even more beautiful. This was exemplified in Jen Hatmaker's experience with the implosion of her marriage, which involved a painful and shocking first phase, a waiting and building second phase, and a rising and appreciating third phase. Similarly, when it comes to taking care of a baby, it's important to prioritize their delicate skin with gentle and protective products, such as Pampers Swaddlers diapers and wipes. These products offer superior leak protection and skin health, ensuring that your baby's skin stays dry, healthy, and beautiful. Overall, whether it's in our personal lives or in caring for our little ones, embracing the rhythm of life's ups and downs can lead to unexpected growth and joy.

    • Experiencing the end of a long marriage during a pandemicLoss and rebuild is a common story arc in life, whether it's in marriage, health, or career. Recovery can be a long and audacious process, but necessary to move forward after a significant loss.

      Life can unexpectedly change in an instant, leading to a season of loss and recovery. Jen Hatmaker, a mom of five, shared her experience of experiencing the end of a 26-year marriage during the pandemic. She was married from the age of 19 and had spent her entire adult life in a marriage. The sudden loss was disorienting, especially since she had built her career around marriage and family. The process of recovery has taken two years and involved rebuilding her life. This experience is not unique, as many people can relate to the common story arc of loss and rebuild, whether it be in the context of marriage, health, or career. The journey of recovery and rebuilding can be audacious, but necessary in moving forward after a significant loss.

    • Rebuilding after loss: Focus on self-care and small stepsRebuilding after loss is a personal journey involving self-care, prioritizing physical health, consistent sleep, and seeking resources for coping. Progress is unpredictable, but every moment counts towards healing.

      The rebuilding process after experiencing a significant loss involves focusing on self-care and taking small steps towards stability and growth. This can include prioritizing physical health, establishing a consistent sleep pattern, and finding resources such as books or support systems to help cope with the grief. The process is unique to each individual and can be unpredictable, with moments of joy and progress intermingled with periods of intense pain and despair. It's important to remember that there is no set timeline for healing and that every second counts towards moving forward.

    • Listening to our bodies for better wellbeingIgnoring body signals can lead to harm. Start seeing body as a teammate for better health and wellbeing.

      Our bodies are a crucial part of our overall wellbeing, and ignoring their signals can lead to serious consequences. The speaker shares how she was able to start listening to her body's needs during a difficult time in her life, thanks to the guidance of a mentor. She also discusses how she was taught to view her body as an enemy, rather than a part of herself, and how this belief led her into dangerous waters. The speaker encourages us to start seeing our bodies as teammates, with the sole agenda of keeping us safe and flourishing. By paying attention to our bodies and trusting their signals, we can better navigate life's challenges and ultimately, thrive.

    • Understanding our relationship with our bodiesListen to your body's wisdom, trust yourself, and distinguish between intuition and anxiety responses to foster a positive and healthy relationship with your body.

      Our relationship with our bodies can be a complex and challenging journey. The speaker shares her personal experience of pretending not to know what her body was trying to tell her, but eventually came to view her body as her best friend and trusted ally. She encourages others to listen to their bodies' wisdom and trust in their own knowing. The speaker also highlights the societal pressures that make hating ourselves beneficial, making the journey to self-acceptance a difficult but necessary battle. Another important point discussed is the importance of distinguishing between intuition and anxiety responses, which can be a final frontier in the process of believing what we truly know. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-trust, self-compassion, and self-awareness in our relationship with our bodies.

    • Understanding instincts and body responsesIn quiet moments, instincts can be trusted, but in high-stress situations or reacting to others, they may be less reliable and influenced by past experiences or biases. Recognizing and addressing past behaviors or coping mechanisms can help us become more sensitive and responsive.

      Our instincts and body responses can be valuable sources of information, but it's important to discern when they're accurate and when they're overreacting. In quiet moments of self-reflection, our instincts can be trustworthy. However, in high-stress situations or when reacting to others, our responses may be less reliable and potentially influenced by past experiences or biases. It's essential to learn how to distinguish between these two and not let our defenses or desire to deny certain realities hinder our growth. Additionally, recognizing and addressing past behaviors or coping mechanisms, such as emotional armor, can help us become more sensitive and responsive to ourselves and others.

    • Balancing sensitivity and commitment in relationshipsEffective communication and emotional management are crucial for healthy relationships and personal growth. Avoiding over-commitment or over-sensitivity, finding a balance is key.

      Being overly committed to a positive narrative or refusing to acknowledge negative feelings can create a disconnect in relationships. This "armored" approach can leave partners feeling unheard and lonely. On the other hand, being overly sensitive and in tune with every emotion can also be challenging, leading to feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty. The goal should be to find a balance between the two, using sensitivity as a tool for self-care and growth, rather than a weakness. Learning to manage emotions and communicate effectively is essential for healthy relationships and personal evolution. Sensitivity, when practiced mindfully, is a form of self-care that allows us to better understand ourselves and our surroundings. It's important to remember that both men and women can benefit from practicing sensitivity and managing their emotions effectively.

    • Examining Personal Patterns in RelationshipsUnderstanding and addressing personal patterns in relationships is crucial for growth and avoiding repeating past mistakes in all relationships, not just romantic ones.

      Our past experiences and behaviors, especially in relationships, can shape us significantly. We might become desensitized or defensive as a coping mechanism, but it's essential to examine whether these patterns originated from within us or from the relationship itself. If we don't address our personal patterns, we risk repeating the same issues in future relationships, not just romantic ones. As we grow and learn, it's crucial to apply this newfound understanding to all our relationships, including those with family and friends. For instance, a new awareness of codependency might lead us to reconsider our parenting style or our approach to friendships. By acknowledging and addressing our patterns, we can break free from the cycle of repeating past mistakes.

    • Embracing uncertainty in life and relationshipsPresenting a nuanced narrative to children about life's changes and challenges can better prepare them for the future. Investing in versatile clothing like Vuori brings comfort and happiness in uncertain situations.

      Certainty in life is an illusion, and it's essential to present a more nuanced narrative to children to help them prepare for the inevitable changes and challenges that life brings. The speaker shared her experience of promising her children that their family was different and would never change, only to face the reality of divorce years later. She realized that presenting a more complex and uncertain narrative would have given her children a better understanding of the world and prepared them for the unexpected. Additionally, the speaker emphasized the importance of investing in comfortable and versatile clothing, like Vuori, which can bring happiness and comfort in various situations. Overall, the conversation highlighted the importance of embracing uncertainty and complexity in both personal relationships and material possessions.

    • Exploring personal growth and healingForgiveness is a personal choice, but holding onto it too long can be corrosive. Embrace the complexity of life and recognize the validity of our reactions and feelings, even if they are not permanent.

      Personal growth and healing are complex processes that require self-responsibility and the ability to navigate through various emotions, including love, forgiveness, and understanding of ourselves and others. The speaker emphasizes that we are not powerless in our lives and that forgiveness, while a personal choice, can be a corrosive force if held onto for too long. The discussion also touches on the fluidity of concepts like gender and the importance of not being too judgmental towards ourselves and our reactions to life's challenges. Ultimately, the speaker encourages embracing the complexity of life and recognizing that our reactions and feelings are valid, even if they are not permanent.

    • Forgiveness is an internal processChoose forgiveness for personal growth and healing, not dependent on others' actions or apologies

      Forgiveness is an internal process, not dependent on the actions or apologies of others. It's about releasing the burden of anger and hurt within oneself, allowing for healing and personal growth. The anger and fury can serve as an engine during difficult times, helping us rebuild boundaries and survive. However, once we've established safety, holding onto anger becomes detrimental and requires conscious effort to let go and choose healing. Forgiveness and healing cannot coexist in a state of absolute resentment. It's essential to recognize when the anger is no longer serving its purpose and make a conscious choice towards forgiveness and healing.

    • Forgiveness is a personal journey for healing and growthForgiveness is a choice for personal growth, letting go of grudges, recognizing value in difficult experiences, and shifting towards vision and self-empowerment.

      Forgiveness is a personal journey focused on healing and growth, rather than about absolving someone else of their actions. Holding onto grudges can hinder personal development and prevent moving forward. Forgiveness is about letting go of old wounds and stories, not about trusting the person who wronged us. The speaker emphasizes that forgiveness is a choice for personal growth and a shift towards vision and self-empowerment. It's about recognizing the value in difficult experiences and using them to build a new vision for one's life. Inspired by the extraordinary work of grassroots environmental activists, we can learn to face our own challenges and make a positive impact on our own lives.

    • Embrace your power to shape your futureEven when we feel lost or helpless, we have the ability to learn new skills, trust ourselves, and take responsibility to become the best version of ourselves

      Even when we feel lost or helpless, we have the power to change our circumstances and become the best version of ourselves. Jen shared her experience of realizing she had been checking out of important decisions in her life, but now sees the value in taking responsibility and learning new skills, like investing. She also emphasized the importance of trusting herself and recognizing that she always had the capability and wisdom within her. Despite the painful experiences that led her to this point, she feels lucky to be able to write the second half of her life on her own terms. It's never too late to grow up, trust ourselves, and embrace our power to shape our future.

    • The value of early communication and preventing conflictsAddressing issues early and having open conversations can prevent conflicts and strengthen relationships. Self-love and self-respect are essential for meaningful connections.

      The importance of addressing issues before they escalate and the value of honest and open communication. The speaker emphasizes the significance of having conversations at an early stage and resolving them promptly to prevent potential conflicts from escalating. She also expresses her appreciation for meaningful relationships and the importance of self-love and self-respect. The conversation also highlights the theme of resilience and the ability to overcome challenges and hardships. Overall, the message is about the power of communication, self-awareness, and the importance of valuing and nurturing relationships.

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