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    251: "I Can’t Get Over My Ex...Please Help Me Move On!”

    enJuly 03, 2024

    Podcast Summary

    • Reframing triggers from an exReframing the narrative of triggers from an ex can help lessen emotional impact. Focus on growth and progress instead of dwelling on pain. Self-care and support from loved ones can also help manage triggers.

      Dealing with triggers from an ex involves changing the narrative you tell yourself about the situation. Being triggered doesn't mean you haven't moved on, but rather that the emotions still linger and can be reactivated unexpectedly. These triggers can come in various forms, such as a text, a social media post, or even seeing them in person. Changing the story you tell yourself about the trigger can help lessen the emotional impact. Instead of focusing on the negative, try to reframe the situation in a positive light. For example, instead of dwelling on the pain of the past, remind yourself of the growth and progress you've made since then. Additionally, engaging in self-care activities and seeking support from loved ones can also help manage triggers. Remember, getting over an ex is a constant process, and it's okay to experience setbacks along the way. The important thing is to keep moving forward and focusing on the present and future.

    • Emotions and past relationshipsFocus on the present and find moments of joy to help cope with lingering emotions from past relationships, as everyone's healing process is unique

      Our emotions, particularly those related to past relationships, can be complex and difficult to manage. An unexpected interaction with a clementine and a phone reminded the speaker of a past experience in high school where a mistaken call to an ex led to unwanted feelings and interpretations. This experience, and the subsequent realization that moving on from a relationship is a gradual process, highlights the importance of focusing on the present and finding moments of joy and distraction to help cope with lingering emotions. The speaker also emphasizes that moving on should not be seen as a binary thing, but rather a continuous journey with ups and downs. It's important to remember that everyone's healing process is unique and that finding small moments of happiness and enjoyment can help make the journey more bearable.

    • Healing from a breakupHealing from a breakup is a gradual process, with triggers lessening over time. Changing the name in your contacts can help break Pavlovian conditioning.

      Getting over someone you care about deeply is a gradual process, and progress doesn't mean you're completely over them. Neurologically, your brain forms strong habits and associations with that person, making it natural to be triggered by their name or image. These triggers can make it feel like you've made no progress, but it's important to remember that the pain lessens over time. Changing the name in your contacts to something empowering can help break the Pavlovian conditioning and lessen the impact of the trigger. The ability to love and form strong bonds is a beautiful part of being human, even if the end result isn't always what we hope for. It's essential to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves during the healing process.

    • Pain and growthPainful experiences can lead to personal growth and self-discovery, allowing us to find meaning in challenges and appreciate them as crucial parts of our story.

      Pain and difficult experiences are not just sources of suffering, but also opportunities for growth and self-discovery. As the coach in the conversation explained, she had witnessed firsthand how a person's painful past with someone had led to significant personal growth and achievements. Instead of focusing on the negative triggers, we can reframe them as reminders of our progress and the valuable lessons we've learned. It's not always easy to do, but by connecting with the truths about what has come from the pain, we can change the meaning of the trigger and even appreciate it as a crucial part of our story. This human way of thinking allows us to find meaning in the challenges we face and to continue growing and evolving.

    • Personal growth and developmentEvery experience, good or bad, contributes to personal growth and development. Embrace challenges to become stronger and more resilient, and use past experiences to help and inspire others.

      Every experience in life, whether painful or seemingly insignificant, contributes to our personal growth and development. We cannot cherry-pick aspects of our lives and ignore the interconnectedness of our experiences. Even in the midst of hardships, it's essential to remember that these challenges shape us into stronger, more resilient individuals. By embracing the difficulties and learning from them, we become better equipped to help others and navigate future challenges. The pain and scars left behind serve as reminders of our growth and the strength we've gained along the way. As the speaker shared, "it has to be this hard" because the heroic act of getting through it allows us to inspire and support others when they need it most.

    • Negative triggersTurn negative triggers into opportunities for growth and transformation by practicing consciousness, awareness, and actively choosing positive thoughts. Reframe perspective by focusing on past growth and future potential.

      Negative triggers, though difficult and painful, can be turned into opportunities for growth and transformation. Instead of being held captive by negative thoughts and ruminations, it's important to practice consciousness and awareness, and actively choose to redirect our thinking towards positive and productive thoughts. By focusing on the growth and progress that has come from past negative experiences, and reminding ourselves of the potential for future growth, we can reframe our perspective and find the treasure in the hardships. Additionally, recognizing and interrupting negative thought patterns before they fully take hold can be a powerful tool in the healing process.

    • Progress with emotionsProgress with emotions is a gradient, not a binary state. Focus on the positive outcomes and decisions from past experiences to transform hurt into strength and growth.

      When dealing with difficult emotions or thoughts, particularly those related to past relationships, it's important to recognize that progress is a gradient and not a binary state. It's natural to experience triggers and moments of strong emotion, but these moments do not negate the progress that has been made. Instead, it's crucial to remind oneself of the good that can come from the pain and not follow the thought down a negative path. By focusing on the positive outcomes and decisions that have resulted or will result from the experience, the hurt can be transformed into a source of strength and growth. Additionally, there are still a few spaces left for the retreat program in September, so those interested are encouraged to sign up before they're all gone.

    • Connecting with peopleThere are numerous opportunities to connect with people in person. Use the free guide 'Spark and Connect' at WhatToSayNext.com to learn nine ways to start conversations and build connections.

      There are opportunities all around us to connect with people in person, and it's important not to miss them. Whether it's at a retreat or in a coffee shop, there's only so much space in our lives for meaningful connections. To help you spark up conversations and make new connections, there's a new free guide called "Spark and Connect" available at WhatToSayNext.com. This guide provides nine different ways to start conversations and build connections with people you meet in everyday life. Don't rely solely on dating apps to meet people – use this guide to help you connect with others in person. It's for women and men, and it will benefit everyone. So check it out and start making new connections today.

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