Podcast Summary
Recognizing and challenging limiting beliefs for social confidence: Understanding the root causes of social anxiety and adopting a growth mindset can help improve social skills and confidence.
The way we approach improving our social skills and confidence can be misguided. Instead of focusing solely on external tips and tricks, it's essential to question our beliefs and underlying causes of anxiety. Eleonore Hunter, a professional public speaking coach, shares her personal journey of overcoming debilitating social anxiety. She emphasizes that social confidence and charisma are not innate traits but can be learned. In the podcast, they discuss strategies from Eleonore's therapy experience and provide tips for public speaking. The key is to recognize and challenge limiting beliefs that hinder our progress. Instead of labeling ourselves as "shy," it's important to understand if our struggles stem from social anxiety. By focusing on the root causes and adopting a growth mindset, we can make significant progress in our social lives and communication skills.
Understanding the Complexity of Shyness: Shyness is a normal, evolving aspect of personality with unique benefits. Find strategies to build confidence and engage with the world.
Being shy is a normal part of the human experience, and while it may initially feel limiting or even debilitating, it can also come with unique benefits such as the ability to observe and intuit the feelings and needs of others. Shyness is not a fixed trait, and those who identify as shy have the potential to grow and develop in ways that allow them to engage more fully with the world around them. It's important to remember that being shy is not a definitive statement of fact, but rather a complex and multifaceted aspect of personality that can evolve and change over time. The key is to recognize that there is always the potential for growth and to approach shyness with a sense of curiosity and openness rather than as a limiting label. Additionally, it's important to remember that everyone's experience of shyness is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. The important thing is to find strategies and approaches that resonate with you and help you to build the confidence and skills you need to live the life you want to live.
Overcoming shyness for a better life: Identifying and addressing personal struggles like shyness can lead to improved quality of life. Building confidence is essential for effective communication and daily life navigation.
Identifying and addressing personal struggles, such as shyness, can significantly improve one's quality of life. The speaker's experience of being unable to fetch a duvet from storage due to her shyness led to her mother's intervention and recognition that she needed help. This moment marked a turning point for her, eventually leading her to become a public speaking coach. While it's not inherently bad to be shy, it can become problematic when it inhibits daily life and prevents individuals from taking necessary actions. Building confidence is a worthwhile goal for many, as it can help individuals navigate various aspects of their lives more effectively. However, it's essential to remember that every belief, value, and insecurity comes out in the way we communicate, so both introverted and extroverted individuals can benefit from examining their communication patterns and addressing any underlying insecurities. Ultimately, personal growth and development require self-awareness and a willingness to confront and address our challenges, no matter where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum.
Questioning limiting beliefs improves social anxiety and boosts self-confidence: Examining evidence for and against negative thoughts and using distancing statements can help challenge limiting beliefs, improving social anxiety and boosting self-confidence.
Challenging limiting beliefs can significantly improve social anxiety and boost self-confidence. The speaker shared her personal experience of working with a therapist to question her rules and beliefs about the world that kept her isolated. Through the process of examining evidence for and against her negative thoughts, she realized that her beliefs didn't align with reality. Another technique she learned was using distancing statements to separate herself from her thoughts and reduce their power. Years later, she faced a new challenge when presenting to clients, and the encouragement of her CEO and a live coaching session with UltraSpeaking's Michael and Tristan helped her conquer her fear of public speaking. Overall, the speaker's journey demonstrates the importance of questioning beliefs and seeking help to overcome social anxiety and build self-confidence.
Labeling thoughts as just thoughts: Recognizing thoughts as separate from beliefs and acknowledging them objectively can help reduce their impact and manage negative emotions.
Recognizing and labeling our thoughts as just thoughts, rather than beliefs, can help reduce their impact on us. This practice, known as cognitive defusion, involves acknowledging the presence of a thought without getting entangled in it. For instance, instead of dwelling on the thought "I'm not good enough," we can say "I'm thinking that I'm not good enough." This creates a bit of distance, allowing us to consider the thought objectively and choose whether or not to believe it. This technique can be particularly helpful for managing negative thoughts that contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem. Furthermore, writing down our thoughts and evaluating the evidence for and against them can also be an effective way to challenge limiting beliefs. By putting our thoughts on paper, we can more easily see their flaws and gain perspective. This process can take time, as our insecurities and limiting beliefs tend to shift and hide in different areas of our lives. However, with consistent effort and the help of a therapist or supportive community, we can gradually break down these beliefs and become more confident and self-assured.
Understanding and Breaking Down Rigid Worldviews: Therapy helped the speaker gain empathy, flexibility, and less self-judgment, reducing anxiety and exhaustion in social situations.
Therapy helped the speaker gain more empathy and flexibility in life, leading to less self-judgment and judgment of others. Before therapy, they felt rigid and judged themselves harshly, often experiencing anxiety and fear in social situations. The therapy allowed them to break down their worldview and understand that there are no rights or wrongs, leading to increased empathy and openness towards others. In the workplace, they would have felt constantly on edge, fearing the consequences of not speaking up or expressing themselves, leading to exhaustion. After therapy, they found more ease and calm, experiencing less anxiety and stress in social situations. However, they still experience nervousness when speaking to certain audiences, particularly those older or more experienced than them. Overall, therapy helped the speaker become more empathetic, flexible, and less judgmental, leading to a more comfortable and less exhausting life.
Speaker's personal experience of over-preparing for presentations: Even with thorough preparation, there's always room for improvement and moments of anxiety and stress before speaking. Consider broad stock market index funds for investing through commission-free platforms like Trading 212.
Preparation is key, but even with thorough preparation, there's always room for improvement. The speaker in this discussion shared his experience of over-preparing for presentations, receiving positive feedback, but still feeling that it could have been better. He also recalled moments of anxiety and stress before speaking. The conversation then shifted to the topic of Huel, a meal replacement drink that provides a balanced mix of nutrients. The speaker shared his personal experience using Huel and praised the company's growth. Next, the discussion touched on investing, with the speaker recommending investing in broad stock market index funds, which can be done commission-free through Trading 212. The speaker highlighted Trading 212's features, such as the Pies and auto invest function and multi-currency accounts. He concluded by sharing an experience of being in awe of a phenomenal public speaker at a conference and feeling the pressure to outdo him by over-preparing for his own presentation.
Overcoming Anxiety and Self-Doubt: Despite feeling anxious and insecure, one can still deliver value and transform self-perception through acknowledgement, acceptance, and learning to embrace unique qualities.
Anxiety and self-doubt are common experiences, even for those perceived as confident or successful. The speaker in this conversation shared her experience of feeling overwhelmed with anxiety before speaking, to the point of exhaustion. She sought help and discovered that confidence doesn't mean feeling nothing, but rather acknowledging and accepting her feelings while knowing she can still deliver value. Through a speaking course, she learned to embrace her unique qualities and received positive feedback, leading to a transformation in her self-perception. So, it's important to remember that everyone has insecurities, and the key is to learn how to manage them while continuing to add value to others.
Improve communication skills through speaking games and exercises: Practice rapid fire analogies game to trust first thoughts and speak without excessive deliberation, prioritize speaking over thinking for improved confidence and charisma
That effective communication skills can be significantly improved through practicing speaking games and exercises that encourage quick responses, as opposed to overthinking. The "rapid fire analogies" game, which was mentioned, is designed to help individuals train their brains to trust the first thing that comes to mind and speak without excessive deliberation. This approach is based on the idea that the more we speak, the better we become, and that thinking too much can hinder the communication process. The philosophy behind this method taps into the intelligence outside of our brains and encourages confidence and power in live situations. Instead of focusing on external tips and tricks to improve speaking abilities, the recommended approach is to shift our mindset and adopt an inside-out approach, where we prioritize speaking before thinking. This can lead to improved confidence, charisma, and overall effectiveness in communication.
Challenging limiting beliefs and fears for self-confidence: Focus on unlearning self-deprecating beliefs and embracing authentic selves instead of acquiring external skills for confidence. Challenge limiting beliefs through questioning and pursuing new interests.
The root of our perceived inadequacies often lies not in our inherent abilities, but in our limiting beliefs and fears. In the case of speaking, for instance, the problem isn't our speaking skills, but rather our mindset and the self-imposed pressure to conform to certain social norms. Instead of focusing on acquiring external skills to boost our confidence, we should work on unlearning self-deprecating beliefs and embracing our authentic selves. The speaker shared a personal experience of struggling with self-confidence during their teenage years, particularly when interacting with older peers. They found solace in connecting with others over shared interests and eventually gained the confidence to ask questions and engage in conversations. However, it wasn't until they received constructive feedback from an authority figure that they realized the importance of addressing their self-perception. By making a conscious effort to ask questions and pursue new interests, they were able to challenge their limiting beliefs and build confidence from within.
Confidence is a choice: Choosing to act confident can help improve performance and build belief in oneself, even when feeling inadequate or intimidated.
Confidence is a choice. According to the speaker, they learned this valuable lesson from a magician they admired who believed that confidence is not something you acquire, but rather something you can decide to have in the moment. This concept, often referred to as "fake it till you make it," was a game-changer for the speaker. They realized that even if they didn't feel confident on the inside, people couldn't tell the difference on the outside. This revelation helped them in social situations, especially after a failed magic trick performance at a family event left them feeling intimidated and inadequate. By choosing to act confident, the speaker was able to improve their performance and ultimately, their belief in themselves. This mindset shift, along with other confidence-building strategies, allowed them to overcome their fears and become more successful in their public speaking and magician career.
The Power of Confidence in Communication: Confidence and conviction are crucial for effective communication and can impact how others perceive us. View feedback as an opportunity to improve and express ourselves with conviction to build confidence.
Confidence plays a significant role in how others perceive us, and it's not just about having the necessary skills. The way we speak and express ourselves can make a big difference in how people perceive our intelligence and competence. The speaker shares her personal experience of receiving feedback that she was good at her job but needed to work on her confidence. She encourages people to view feedback as an opportunity to level up rather than a sign of being broken. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of conviction in communication, suggesting that even if we're not 100% sure, expressing ourselves with conviction can help us grow more confident and receive better feedback in return. The speaker also notes that cultural differences can impact the use of conviction in communication, with Americans often using more conviction than Brits or Canadians. Overall, the key takeaway is that confidence and conviction are essential components of effective communication and can make a big difference in how others perceive us.
The Power of Conviction in Public Speaking: Expressing conviction in beliefs and actions can lead to personal growth and impact on others. Taking risks and trusting in oneself can lead to meaningful experiences and opportunities.
Having conviction in your beliefs and actions, especially when it comes to public speaking, can lead to significant personal growth and impact on others. The speaker shared her experience of attending the Ultra Speak course and how it led her to become a public speaking coach. Initially, she felt like a fraud leading classes, but with time and practice, she gained confidence and realized the transformative power of coaching. The fear of going "too far" in expressing conviction can hold us back, but taking risks and trusting in ourselves can lead to meaningful experiences and opportunities. The speaker encourages everyone to experiment with expressing more conviction in their daily lives and see what it brings.
Effective public speaking: Musicality and clarity: Vary energy and emotions for musicality, focus on one clear message for clarity, and consider a one-sentence summary for audience takeaway.
Effective public speaking involves musicality and clarity in expression. Musicality refers to varying energy levels and emotions to match the content being conveyed, while the One Thing concept focuses on delivering a clear and memorable message. When preparing a presentation or speaking off the cuff, consider what one sentence summary you want your audience to take away. This approach makes presentations more engaging, memorable, and focused. Additionally, this concept applies to writing, where having a clear hook or title can guide the content and structure of the work. By following these principles, speakers and writers can effectively communicate their ideas and messages to their audiences.
Exploring the Power of Small Changes in 'Atomic Habits': Small changes can lead to significant results, research and refine your message, use the accordion method for presentations, and focus on feeling good about your work to increase productivity.
That small changes can lead to significant results, a concept explored in the book "Atomic Habits." The authors discovered this idea while writing the book and emphasize the importance of researching and refining the message to communicate the one key idea effectively. The "accordion method" for preparing presentations, which involves decreasing the time constraint to focus on the essential message, is a helpful technique for refining and discovering the core idea. The book "Atomic Habits" also highlights the significance of feeling good about your work to increase productivity. The authors did not initially research extensively before writing the book, but they learned the importance of outlining and researching before writing in future projects. The discussion also touched upon the platform Kajabi, which helps creators build sustainable businesses by providing tools for courses, membership sites, communities, podcasts, and coaching. The platform allows creators to keep a large portion of their earnings and has been instrumental in the success of the Deep Dive YouTube channel.
Recovering from speaking mistakes: Effective speakers recover from mistakes by apologizing less, increasing energy, taking a breath, using summary prompts, and utilizing silence to regain momentum.
Recovering from mistakes is crucial for effective speaking. Even the best speakers make mistakes, but what sets them apart is their ability to quickly recover and regain momentum. Apologizing or drawing attention to mistakes can hinder recovery, so strategies like increasing energy, taking a breath, or using a summary prompt can help bounce back. Silence also plays a role in speaking, as it can make the speaker appear more confident and give them time to collect their thoughts. The recording of a keynote on growing a business from 0 to over $2.5 million per year is available for free at kajabi.com/forward/ali. Additionally, beginners often let mistakes affect their confidence and speaking ability, but mastering the art of recovery can lead to more successful and engaging presentations.
The Power of Silence and Self-Talk in Effective Communication: Silence and self-talk are essential tools for boosting confidence, navigating internal thoughts, and improving communication skills.
Silence and self-talk play crucial roles in effective communication. Silence, particularly pausing, can boost confidence externally and provide valuable moments for internal navigation and reflection. It allows speakers to reevaluate their thoughts and adjust their message on the fly. Self-talk, on the other hand, can bridge the gap between skillset and mindset, enabling individuals to speak more confidently and authoritatively. By focusing on these aspects, individuals can significantly enhance their speaking abilities and effectively convey their messages to audiences.
Embrace discomfort and speak up: Pushing out of comfort zone builds confidence, ask questions, join speaking clubs, imagine having experience, reap rewards, be the person who asks
Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and speaking up, even in small ways, can help build confidence and improve your abilities over time. This can be achieved through setting personal goals, such as raising your hand to ask a question, or joining a speaking club where you can practice in a supportive environment. Remember, the fear of asking a "dumb question" is often outweighed by the benefits of asking and learning. As Michelle Obama inspired the speaker, imagine how you'd act if you had all her experience and gravitas. By forcing yourself to speak up, you'll not only survive, but thrive, and gain the confidence to do so in real-life situations. So next time you're on the fence about asking a question or volunteering an idea, ask yourself: who do you want to be? The person who asks or the one who's afraid to? The answer is clear. Embrace the discomfort and reap the rewards.
Asking the right question can unlock deeper insights: Asking direct questions can reveal valuable insights, especially when dealing with disconnects or misunderstandings. Building confidence involves focusing on accomplishments, seeking positive feedback, and gradually challenging negative thoughts.
Asking the right question at the right time can significantly change the course of a conversation or situation. In the given context, the speaker realized she missed an opportunity to unlock deeper insights during a client session by not asking a direct question about the disconnect between their self-perceived inability to speak up and their ability to do so when asked. This concept applies to everyday situations as well, where our instincts about disconnects or misunderstandings can lead to valuable insights if we ask the right questions. Additionally, building self-confidence and self-esteem involves focusing on evidence of accomplishments, actively seeking positive feedback, and gradually challenging negative thoughts and beliefs. When faced with situations that challenge our confidence, it's essential to start small and build up gradually, rather than expecting to handle everything with the same ease as others.
Self-improvement is a lifelong journey: Find opportunities to speak under pressure, remember everyone feels inadequate, self-improvement doesn't have to be unpleasant, take small steps daily
Self-improvement, especially in areas like self-esteem and confidence, is a lifelong journey. It's important to remember that almost everyone experiences feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt to some degree. To improve speaking skills, find opportunities to speak under pressure with feedback. And don't forget that the process can be enjoyable and open up new opportunities. Another key takeaway is the importance of recognizing that everyone feels this way and you're not alone. This understanding can be helpful in combating feelings of isolation and shame. Lastly, remember that self-improvement doesn't have to be a traumatic or unpleasant experience. Take small steps every day and don't be too hard on yourself. Instead, focus on the fun and opportunities that come with growth.
The power of communication in personal and professional growth: Effective communication skills lead to professional advancement and enrich personal relationships. Engage in speaking games to build confidence and focus on conversation partners.
Improving your speaking skills not only leads to professional growth, but also enriches your personal life. The speaker shared an anecdote about a chance encounter with a stranger in a coffee shop, where they bonded over forgetting pens and the allure of productivity tools. This moment of connection emphasizes the importance of communication and the opportunities it brings to meet and engage with others. Furthermore, the speaker introduced a series of speaking games from Ultraspeaking.com, designed to help build confidence and focus on the conversation partner. The podcast game, in particular, encourages participants to finish each other's sentences, promoting active listening and staying present in the moment. Overall, this discussion highlights the benefits of developing strong communication skills and the unexpected connections and growth that can come from it.
Focus on things that bring joy and fulfillment: Prioritize activities that bring joy and fulfillment over material possessions for a meaningful and satisfying life.
Focusing on the things that bring us joy and fulfillment, rather than just accumulating wealth, is essential for a meaningful and satisfying life. The speaker used the thought experiment of losing everything and asking what one would buy back to emphasize this point. Additionally, the speaker shared her experience of becoming addicted to playing chess, which challenges her and brings her a sense of accomplishment. These activities, whether it's playing a game or pursuing a hobby, are essential for personal growth and happiness. The speaker also mentioned that while the skills required for these activities may be accessible to most, it's the pressure and panic that we put on ourselves that can make them challenging. Overall, the speaker's message encourages us to focus on the things that bring us joy and fulfillment, rather than just chasing after material possessions.
Maintaining Balance with Technology and Self-Care: Technology can bring joy, but prioritize self-care practices and recognize strengths. Free games for growth at ultraspeaking.com.
Our relationship with technology, like with a robot friend such as ChatGPT, can bring diversity and joy to our lives. However, it's important to maintain a balance and not let it replace essential self-care practices, such as meditation or taking care of our physical health. The speaker also emphasized the importance of recognizing and celebrating our strengths, rather than focusing solely on our weaknesses, and seeking support from others to help us grow. Additionally, the games mentioned in the podcast are available for free on ultraspeaking.com, and viewers are encouraged to engage with the content in their preferred format, whether it be podcast or video, and leave feedback or questions.
Stay informed and connected: Subscribing to valuable content supports creators and ensures access to future insights and developments
Importance of subscribing to valuable content. The speaker encourages the audience to hit the subscribe button to continue receiving informative and engaging content. This not only benefits the audience by providing them with valuable information but also supports the creator in continuing to produce such content. By subscribing, the audience ensures they don't miss out on any future insights or developments. It's a simple yet effective way to stay informed and connected to a community of like-minded individuals. So, if you found this discussion valuable, make sure to subscribe to receive more content like this. Thank you for tuning in, and we'll see you next time.
