Podcast Summary
Working with love and compassion towards gang members: Father Gregory Boyle's approach to unconditional love and compassion towards gang members involves seeing them as human beings deserving of love and respect, even in difficult situations. This concept has significantly impacted Dan Harris's life and has been particularly useful during conflicts.
The power of unconditional love and compassion towards others, even in difficult situations. Father Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest and founder of Homeboy Industries, a renowned gang intervention and rehabilitation program, shares his practices for working with stress, motivating people through joy, and seeing others as people doing their best. Boyle's notion of love and compassion doesn't mean condoning harmful behavior or inviting people over for dinner. Instead, it's about learning to see people as human beings deserving of love and respect. This concept has significantly impacted Dan Harris's life and has been particularly useful during conflicts. Boyle's new book, "The Whole Language," expands on these ideas and his inclusive notion of God. However, the conversation includes discussions of sensitive topics such as sexual trauma, violence, drug abuse, and domestic abuse, with uneven audio quality at the beginning. Additionally, there's a reminder about an upcoming event featuring Dan Harris, Joseph Goldstein, and Dr. Mark Epstein at Symphony Space in New York City, and a special offer for a 40% discount on the 10% Happier meditation app subscription.
Helping Former Gang Members in Los Angeles: Father Gregory Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries, dedicates his life to helping former gang members through various social enterprises and healing programs, finding joy in the people he helps and not letting death overshadow his work.
Father Gregory Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries, has dedicated his life to helping former gang members in Los Angeles through various social enterprises and healing programs. Homeboy Industries started in 1988 when Father Boyle noticed a high number of gang-affiliated students being expelled from schools and sought to provide them with education and job opportunities. Over the years, the organization has grown to include 10 social enterprises, such as restaurants, recycling, and silk screening, and an 18-month healing-centric training program. Despite the stress and sadness that come with burying over 250 kids due to gang violence and dealing with the daily challenges of running a program for former gang members, Father Boyle practices staying anchored in the present moment and finding joy in the people he helps. He also emphasizes the importance of not letting death have power over him, instead viewing it as a natural part of life and not a cause for overwhelming grief.
Discovering your true self in loving: Focus on being cherished and cherishing others to find internal freedom and joy in the face of adversity
Discovering your true self in loving is the most powerful force that can help you overcome the fear of death and the fates worse than it. According to the speaker, this internal freedom can be achieved by remembering who you truly are and cherishing yourself and others. At Homeboy, they create a safe environment where people can be seen and cherished, leading to personal transformation and systemic change. Instead of focusing on measuring up or becoming a better person, the speaker encourages embracing the truth of who you are and acknowledging your inherent worth. This perspective can help individuals find joy and resilience in the face of adversity. To discover your true self in loving, focus on being cherished and cherishing others, and remember that you are unshakeably good and belong in a community of beloved belonging.
Invite people to experience joy and love: Focus on joy and love for personal growth and community building, extend self-acceptance and compassion to others, and create an environment of belonging to help people thrive
Love and joy are powerful motivators for personal growth and community building. Instead of focusing on rules or punishments, it's essential to invite people to experience the joy and love that comes from self-acceptance and compassion for others. This approach, inspired by both Christian and Buddhist teachings, emphasizes the importance of constancy and never stopping in our efforts to love and support each other. By recognizing the inherent goodness in every person and creating an environment of belonging, we can help people thrive and overcome even the toughest challenges. Ultimately, it's not about achieving goodness, but rather living from that goodness and extending it to others. This invitation-based approach is more effective in the long term as it fosters a deeper sense of connection and understanding.
Believe in the inherent goodness in all people: Belief in goodness fosters brain health, bridges distance, and counters hatred and division.
Despite the capacity for bad actions in individuals and the prevalence of horrible events in the world, it is essential to recognize and believe in the inherent goodness in all people. This belief can be fostered through acts of love and cherishment, which have the power to alter people's brain health and promote wholeness. It is important to bridge the distance between us and others, recognizing that separation is an illusion, and strive for mutuality and unity. This can be challenging in difficult circumstances, but it is a powerful way to counteract the hatred and division in the world.
Shift focus from hate to promoting health and helping each other: Instead of labeling others as bad, see everyone as inherently good and belonging to us, focusing on health and helping each other can lead to progress and unity.
Instead of focusing on demonizing or labeling others as bad or evil, we should strive to see everyone as inherently good and belonging to us. This perspective shifts the focus from hate and winning arguments to promoting health and helping each other. As Pema Chodron encourages, we should practice catching ourselves before judging others and instead, stand in awe of the challenges they face. This approach, though challenging, can lead to progress and unity, as highlighted by Matthew Dowd's observation about the slow progress towards equality in American history. By focusing on health and wholeness, we can help people find joy and love them into wholeness.
Practicing compassion and love in challenging situations: Embrace a 'no matter whatness' mindset to be present and compassionate towards ourselves and others, leading to personal growth and peace of mind.
Practicing compassion and love, even in the most challenging situations, is essential for personal growth and peace of mind. This means returning to the present moment with mantras or useful phrases, such as "love no matter what," to guide behavior and thinking. It's not about achieving perfection, but rather consistently working at it, even when it feels difficult or impossible. By embracing a "no matter whatness" mindset, we can let go of disappointment and discouragement, and instead, be present and compassionate towards ourselves and others. This practice, as the speaker emphasizes, is not easy, but it's a worthwhile endeavor for living a more joyful and fulfilling life.
Impact of unconditional love and support: Unconditional love and support can help individuals heal from trauma and abuse, fostering an environment for growth, without neglecting personal boundaries or accountability.
Unconditional love and support can significantly impact an individual's life, especially those who have experienced trauma and abuse. It's essential to be a sturdy and compassionate presence for them, fostering an environment where they can recognize and heal from their wounds. This approach doesn't mean neglecting personal boundaries or accountability, but rather being understanding and patient until they are ready to embrace their own growth. This perspective is not about morality but about readiness. It's crucial to remember that everyone's journey towards self-improvement is unique and may require multiple attempts. Ultimately, the goal is to create a safe space where people can return when they are ready to face their challenges.
Creating a community of tenderness and belonging: Father Greg Boyle advocates for second chances and safe spaces to heal, emphasizing the power of tenderness and belonging over harsh realities. Buddhist teachings and recognizing our own woundedness can help remove deep hatred.
Creating a community of tenderness and beloved belonging is a powerful alternative to the harsh realities of the world. Father Greg Boyle, who runs Homeboy Industries, believes in giving second chances and creating a safe space for people to heal and grow, despite their past mistakes. He encourages a counterspace to the world, where people receive a tender glance and then choose to become that tender glance themselves. Boyle also emphasizes that our ideas about God should be expansive and not triggering, and that the work of alleviating suffering can be attributed to our basic nature rather than an external entity. The conversation with Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, highlighted the importance of recognizing our own woundedness and the appeal of Buddhist teachings in removing the root of deep hatred. Boyle's response to her critique of his use of the word "God" was to encourage people to stop believing in a preposterous God, and instead focus on the work of alleviating suffering in ourselves and others.
Exploring the Mystical View of God: Embrace a spacious and loving image of God that transcends traditional limitations by reading scripture critically and expanding our understanding through personal experiences and relationships.
Our perception of God is shaped by our experiences, traditions, and language. The speaker emphasizes the importance of a mystical view of the world and the need to challenge limiting notions of God. They believe that reading scripture with a critical and expansive mindset can help us move beyond narrow, outdated beliefs. The speaker also shares personal stories of how images of God derived from meaningful relationships have brought comfort and understanding. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of embracing a spacious and loving image of God that transcends traditional limitations.
Our perception of God is shaped by various experiences and relationships: God is greater than our limited notions, encourage deeper understandings, faith anchored in love and joy, Rumi's vision of God as love, God's presence in difficult times, belief in God rooted in His desire to dance with us
Our perception of God is shaped by various experiences and relationships in our lives. These experiences can range from painful ones, like an abusive father, to joyful ones, like dancing with God in a dream. The speaker emphasizes that God is always greater than our limited notions of Him, encouraging us to keep searching for deeper and more expansive understandings. Faith is not about having unwavering confidence, but rather about being anchored in love and joy. The poet Rumi's belief that "love is God's religion" offers a mystical vision of God that is always present and attentive to us, even in the most difficult times. The speaker shares a moving story of a woman named Nelly, who expressed her deep longing to be close to God, and the powerful image of God dancing with her despite others trying to intrude. Ultimately, our belief in God rests on a deep certainty that He is the one who wants to dance with us, no matter who we are.
The Power of Extravagant Tenderness: Embrace kindness as a non-delusional response to the world to understand and connect with others, rooted in real-life experiences and expressions.
Focusing too much on saving the day and achieving specific outcomes can lead to burnout. Instead, embracing a whole language of extravagant tenderness and kindness can bring us closer to understanding and connecting with others. This idea comes from the author's experiences with homies, or friends, who have used expressions like "tattoo on my heart" or "barking to the choir" to describe their emotions and experiences. The author's new book, "The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness," explores this concept further, emphasizing the importance of kindness as a non-delusional response to the world and a way to see and understand the pain and struggles of others. These ideas, rooted in real-life experiences and expressions, resonate with homies and offer a powerful alternative to anger, self-righteousness, and other delusional responses. So, the next time you're faced with a challenging situation, remember the whole language: be anchored in loving kindness, and you'll find that understanding and connection come more naturally.
The power of tenderness in transforming lives: Tenderness creates a safe environment where people can be seen and cherished, allowing them to extend this care to others and build meaningful connections.
The power of extravagant tenderness lies in its ability to soften people and free them to live from their true selves. This was evident in the community of Homeboy Industries, where people, even those with a history of gang violence and prison, showed constant affection and love towards each other. This tenderness created a safe environment where people could be seen and cherished, allowing them to offer the same tenderness to others, even in hostile situations. Saul, a former gang member, was a prime example of this transformation. He had received this tenderness every day at Homeboy and was now able to extend it to others, even in the face of hostility. This consistent display of tenderness had a ripple effect, leading to moments of connection and understanding between people who might otherwise have remained hostile towards each other.
Cherishing and loving others for long-term change: Barack Obama's belief in progress and staying faithful to love contributes to individual and systemic change through organizations like Homeboy Industries, which prioritize cherishing every moment to make a difference.
Change in the world comes from cherishing and loving others, not from quick fixes or outcomes. Barack Obama's belief in progress and the long-haul work was echoed by the speaker, who emphasized the importance of going to the margins and being faithful to love. This approach not only makes a difference in the lives of individuals but also contributes to larger systemic change. The speaker's organization, Homeboy Industries, is a testament to this belief, with over 300 programs modeled on its work in the US and 50 outside. Despite the challenges of securing funding and focusing on outcomes, staying true to this approach is essential. It's about cherishing every breath and every moment to make a difference, one person at a time.
Father Gregory Boyle's Annual Gathering: More Than Just Intervening in Gang Violence: Father Gregory Boyle's annual gathering fosters love, tenderness, and connection to address complex social issues in a reverent and methodical way. Learn more on their website and consider joining Wondery Plus for ad-free listening.
The annual three-day gathering, started by Father Gregory Boyle, is not just about intervening in gang violence but creating a community that fosters love, tenderness, and connection. This approach, which has been adopted by people worldwide, aims to address complex social issues in a reverent and methodical way. You can learn more about this approach on their website, where you can order merchandise, books, and even get inspired by the concept of "barking at the choir" and "tattoos on the heart." This podcast episode is a testament to the hard work of Father Boyle and the team behind the show, and we look forward to more inspiring conversations on 10% Happier. If you enjoy the podcast, consider joining Wondery Plus for early access and ad-free listening. Don't forget to fill out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey to tell us about yourself.
