Ep 29 A Bite-Sized Solution to Protect your Daughter’s Most Important Asset

Have you seen it yet? That moment when your daughter comes home from school after the long break and looks at you with wary eyes, a furrowed brow and lips that appear to be moving but she’s stumbling over her words and there’s no audible sound.

I feel like we’ve all been there. That moment in time where you want to clearly articulate the thoughts swirling around in your head and release the mixed emotions weighing you down, but the sense of overwhelm creates a frustrating mental block and prevents you from saying anything at all. 

The clients in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teencoaching program are reporting that the all the big emotions, especially their mixed emotions about being back in school after a long break is causing them to grapple with their desire to see their friends and get back to a productive routine AND manage their long list of expectations, and the inevitable social uncertainties and ‘what ifs’. 

That’s why we’re going to talk about 3 simple tips that’ll make your daughter’s mind work FOR her instead of against her by dissolving her mental blocks, so she has the clarity she needs to walk confidently into her future. You’ll find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

I’ve never been a fan of new year’s resolutions. Maybe it’s because the conversations I had with my mom were more about reinventing ourselves. And so, I’ve always been a believer that you don’t need to wait until tomorrow, next month or for a big milestone – you can begin again – anytime.

Beginning again is simply about tuning in and being honest with yourself. Which, I’ll admit, wasn’t always easy for me. Growing up I was labeled as the ‘shy’ girl. But in reality, my shy demeanor was a byproduct of being highly sensitive.

And, if your daughter is a big feeler, please know that it’s a natural instinct to want to ignore or disengage from life’s challenges, especially if they feel too big and unsolvable.

The game changing point and the first step to cultivating a resilient teen for all her adventures in life is to develop self K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E or a clear sense of self.

This approach helped me embrace my gifts so I could begin again with an open-heart and clear mind and be who I wanted to be and show up how I wanted to show up in life.

That’s why I’m excited to share a fan favorite strategy with you in today’s episode. It’s a strategy that you and your daughter can start using right now – no need to wait until the ball drops at midnight or you open up your 2024 calendar.

You can find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

We all know that comparison is a confidence killer. But ‘what if’ you flip the coin and look at the other side of comparison as a catalyst, a sign, that you’re ready to create more for yourself? Begin again. 

The cool thing about learning how to flip the coin and begin again is it’s not as hard as your daughter might think it is and here’s why…her experiences – all of them - the messy ones and the amazing ones serve as a personal signpost, to offer guidance for all her adventures in life.

The million-dollar question is…is your daughter paying attention to the signs as she moves through her journey, or is she just going through the motions, allowing her external environment to dictate her mood and her past to dictate her future?

In today’s episode we’re going to unpack why it’s so important for your daughter to learn how to stop, look and listen so she can become adept at interpreting what each life lesson, each signpost, is offering. Because when she’s tuned in and exercising agency over her adventures in life, she’ll naturally see her significance, that she matters and that see that she has something unique to offer the world.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Is it time to calm your daughter's exam anxiety?

Hey Parents,

Parenting teenagers is no small feat, but being a parent during final exams is akin to stepping into the realm of unsung heroes. I remember thinking that I could write my final psych paper while also listening to Prince’s new album, Purple Rain. I also remember my mom walking into my room, shaking her head, and telling me this approach wasn’t going to work.  

 Unfortunately, my lack of self-awareness at the time left me sitting with a blank sheet of paper for the better half of my Sunday afternoon until I finally turned off the tape and got to work. 

But hey, I memorized all the lyrics – that counts for something, right?

Anyway, the funny - not funny thing is the real issue, what was ACTUALLY keeping me from writing my paper, was never addressed. 

The focus was only on time management. And while time management is important, there’s something more important because it’s probably keeping your daughter from doing what she needs to do.

A crucial skill she hasn’t learned – yet. 

So, in today’s episode, we’re going to address that crucial skill – mind management. We’re going to dive into 3 Stress-Busting Steps that will prime your daughter’s mind so she can maximize her mind and her time.

You’ll find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Links: Ep – 41 The 3 Main Issues That Cause Social Anxiety and How to ‘Grow Through’ These Challenges

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents, is your daughter’s social life running her or is she running her social life? 

Teenage girls come to me all the time feeling confused, hurt, and distraught by other people’s behavior. When someone says or does something that’s inconsistent with your perception of them, or different from how you believe they’re supposed to behave, it creates internal conflict. And internal conflict turns around and creates anxiety.

As you might imagine, I hear a lot about the daily lives of teenage girls in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program. So, if you’re not sure if your daughter’s social life is running her or if she’s running her social life, or why this is even important, stay tuned. 

For years my clients, teenage girls, have reported that their social scenarios consume 60% or more of their emotional bandwidth. Meaning, if there’s something stirring within her tribe or there’s a perceived social conflict, it’s really hard to concentrate in class, or be fully present with you at home.

 The 3 Main Issues: Rank, Reputation and Rumors

 Wouldn’t it be nice if social conflicts were less impactful or just disappeared altogether! I’m here to tell you, as strange as it may sound, that these conflicts offer an opportunity for your daughter to grow through what she’s going through. 

 Yes, it’s true. With the right tools, your daughter will cultivate her confidence, resilience, and integrity when she sees that she can handle and grow from any conflict.

While there are a zillion social scenarios that can be anxiety provoking, there are three that I repeatedly hear about. Because when they’re active, they turn a mild social 
conflict into a scary, intimidating one. 

The Entrance Strategy

The good news is, this episode introduces you to an effective, simple strategy your daughter can use anytime and anywhere!

What’s The Entrance Strategy?  The Entrance Strategy consists of 3 clarifying and empowering questions that will give your daughter what she needs to ‘grow through’ what’s she’s going through.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Does your daughter’s anxiety come from thinking about her future, or trying to control it?

It’s no mystery that uncertainty has the power to ignite the strongest human emotions – anxiety and fear.

And if fear and anxiety are the ‘kryptonite’ that are keeping your daughter from establishing the friendships she craves or developing a strong sense of self, stay tuned.

This episode is designed to help you empower your teenage daughter so she’s:

·         ready to handle anything that comes her way

·         and cultivate friendships that make her laugh until she cries (in a good way, of course!)

Okay, I don’t know about you, but I my relationship with anxiety and fear are definitely a work-in-progress.

And as a parent and teen coach, my private coaching clients consistently share stories with me where fear is almost always the cause, or undercurrent, that’s fueling their anxiety. 

If you think about how uneasy you feel when everything around you is unpredictable, it’s human nature to seek control where you can - or - where you think you can. 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast where you can always find the show notes and resources on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Anxiety Quote: “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it” by Author Kahlil Gibran

Book: Enough As She Is by Rachel Simmons

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is your teenage daughter feeling a bit overwhelmed by ‘all the things’ right now?

• what’s going on around her? 
• how she fits into her world?
• and how to be okay with missing something?

The fear of missing out and the fear of messing up are REAL for teenage girls.

And seem to be a hot button issue right now.

Thankfully we’re back to in-person learning here in the US, though, like every new beginning, there are some residual pandemic issues that are still being ironed out. 

One of the issues I’m hearing a lot about from the teenage girls enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Programis that even though they’re surrounded by their peers, they are feeling socially disconnected and lonely.

So, I was curious to learn more. 

Why, even though they are physically together again, and ready for new and deeper relationships, these girls are reporting: 

• a lack of confidence as to how to take the next step 
• and often feel stifled by the fear and uncertainty their efforts won’t be reciprocated

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast where you can find the full show notes and resources at cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Recap

Okay, let’s quickly recap today’s key points.

If your daughter is like most teenage girls, she may be feeling socially disconnected and a bit lonely, even though she’s back to in-person learning.

The most effective way to begin to build the deeper connection she’s ready for, is to simply be aware of if she’s bringing her past wounds into her present environment and try the 3-2-1 strategy so she can redirect, reconnect and redesign her relationships.

And, if seeing her struggle this triggering for you, simply recognize that’s a natural response and try asking her what would be helpful in this situation.

Lastly, please, please, please remember that when you approach ‘all the things’ with the attitude that you’re here to learn, you can’t do this wrong.

It’s truly about learning and growing together. 

Until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

cultivatingresilientteens.com

Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart

Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Have you ever heard the saying … ‘what you resist persists’?

I mean, could it really be true that, in your daughter’s attempt to push away all those unwanted things, she only attracts more unwanted things?

The father of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, suggests that in your attempt to ‘resist’ certain situations, by focusing on what you don’t want, you actually cause those unwanted things to persist, or even grow.

Welcome back the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where I want to invite you and your daughter to try a quick brain game with me.

You can close your eyes, or simply use your mind’s eye to visualize something you desire … a giant scoop of ice cream, a beautiful sunset, or a fun event with friends.

Now, DON’T imagine a giant pink elephant.

Okay … did a giant pink elephant just photo bomb your image?

This is just one small example of the power your daughter has over her mind.

And why two key concepts play a huge role in her ability to build confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

Find the complete show notes and the two key concepts on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Ep – 37 How to Handle Your Daughter’s Toughest Social Challenge

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Being Sensitive Can Be a Challenge … This Strategy Set Me Free!

Episode #11 Help Your Daughter Stay Focused in a World Full of Distractions with a 3 Step Solution

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

I have a question for you … what throws your teenage daughter off more - her big emotions OR the after-effects that follow her reaction to her big emotions? 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast.

If you’re listening today, you probably recognize the value in understanding, and learning how to manage emotions capable of rocking your household and social circles.

So, today’s episode is offering you a ‘What to do When’ Guide that’s designed to help you and your daughter effectively handle the big emotions that stem from her toughest social challenges. 

And hopefully this guide is applicable with some of the other tough stuff too.

Because with all the ‘gears in motion’ during the adolescent years, having tools that minimize the guilt and guesswork are golden.

(Remember, all the resources shared in the podcast, including the full show notes, can be found on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.)

Thank You

Before we get into the guide, I want to send a shout out to the parents who courageously shared their daughter’s toughest social challenges with me.

Even though your daughter’s experiences were not easy for her - or you - it felt good to see each of you find an approach that moved the needle in a positive, feel-good direction. 

A Common Theme

Although each girl’s ‘toughest social challenge’ story felt unique, there was an obvious theme.

When your daughter is lied to by friends she trusts and believes has her back - is clearly one of the hardest experiences to navigate for passionate, connection seeking teens.

And, I’ll be honest with you, I almost ditched this podcast idea.

Maybe you can relate, because if you’re like me, being lied to touches on a pretty tender place inside me that doesn’t really enjoy, and certainly resists being poked at, if you know what I mean.

The Power of Self-Compassion

So, rather than spending time dissecting why teenage girls lie to one another; a conversation that I believe is most productive between coach and client in a safe, co-creative environment – I want to introduce you to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff because navigating, healing, and supporting those tender places inside your daughter needs a solid dose of self-compassion.

Find the Full Show Notes, including Your “What to do When’ Guide, visit my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Wikipedia, Self-Compassion

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power to Thrive | Kristin Neff, Ph.D. 

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-raise-a-socially-intelligent-and-resilient-teenager/

Episode #6 3 Simple Steps to Quiet Your Daughter’s Inner Critic and Boost her Self-Confidence

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled podcast to bring up a concerning issue I experienced, the clients enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program are talking about, and maybe it’s coming up for your daughter, too.

As we’re moving through the covid pandemic - a time that challenged us collectively and impacted each of us a little differently – there appears to be a heightened sense of awareness that’s positive in some ways and a bit damaging, in others.

What’s Happening

As you know, most teenage girls already feel like they’re over scrutinized and judged.

So, when your daughter feels a heightened sense of what other people may be thinking and saying, a chain reaction often occurs that looks something like … 

• Overthinking or distorted thinking about comments / situations
• Second guessing herself and her role in the interactions
• And unexplained fatigue or an overall lack of motivation

I think we can all agree that now more than ever, your daughter needs and deserves to experience moments of joy and spontaneity to make up for all the missed opportunities.

And, I wanted to say, that the next episode will be part three of the deep dive into your daughter’s sense of self with the ‘What to do When’ Guide.

Because I think your shared experiences – thank you for trusting me with your personal stories - are definitely going to help other parents and teens realize they’re not alone on this often-tumultuous journey.

Actually, the ‘What to do When’ Guide is morphing into a series of its own, so stay tuned as I break down the problems and solutions into smaller, more digestible pieces.

Today’s Question

Okay, let’s get into today’s question … 

how many times has your daughter replayed a past situation in her head and wondered what would have happened if she responded or reacted differently?

As I was reflecting on the situations my private coaching clients are experiencing, I wanted to invite you and your daughter to take a moment and assess what you’re feeling and observing too.

It seems the upside to the pandemic is that overall, people seem less tense and are more cordial.

But the pandemic also seems to have opened the door to increased scrutiny of others.

The intense feeling of being overly assessed by your peers or by strangers, usually doesn’t feel good, and will certainly have an impact on your daughter’s sense of self and her social scenarios.

Tuning In

Personally speaking, as a parent and teen coach I really do my best to stay in tune with my thoughts and emotions and use effective tools and strategies to keep a clear mind so I can show up in the world in a way that feels good to me.

But because I’m also a human, I’m not immune to the tough emotions that get triggered when I feel like I’m being judged or totally misunderstood.

And last week, I got a taste for what my clients have been talking about.

I think you'll enjoy hearing how my situation helped me understand, on a personal level, what my clients have been talking about.

Find the full Show Notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!