Podcast Summary
Exploring Self-Love and Intimacy for a Fulfilling Sex Life: Embrace self-love, heal soul wounds, and enhance your sex life with products and trusted tools during summer.
Self-worth and intimacy are deeply connected, and prioritizing self-love can lead to more authentic and fulfilling sexual experiences. Author and mental health advocate Tara Shuster emphasized the importance of healing deep soul wounds and learning to love oneself. Summer, with its longer days and warmer nights, is the perfect time to explore and enhance your sex life with products like Promescent's delay spray and warming arousal gel. The iconic Magic Wand vibrator, with its powerful rumble and various models, is a trusted confidant for many and continues to be a symbol of unapologetic pleasure. Tara's journey from rock bottom to healing and transformation serves as a reminder that self-love and healing are possible, and can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling sex life.
Healing is a continuous journey: Recognize that healing is not a one-time event but a continuous journey, even after significant progress has been made.
Healing is an ongoing process, even after significant progress has been made. Tara Schuster, the author of "Glow in the Effing Dark," shared her personal journey of healing from a neglected childhood and the realization that her healing wasn't complete, even after writing her first bestselling book about it. She discussed how she had grown up feeling worthless, unloved, and alone, leading her to self-medicate and make poor decisions. Despite her success at work, she hit rock bottom on her 25th birthday and sought help, leading to the writing of her first book, "By Yourself the Fucking Lilies." However, when she lost her job at Comedy Central, she was forced to confront her identity and the realization that her healing was not yet finished. This experience led her to write her latest book, "Glow in the Effing Dark," which provides practical steps for developing habits that lead to lasting courage and resolve. The importance of this takeaway lies in recognizing that healing is not a one-time event but a continuous journey.
Reconnecting with our authentic selves: Unexpected emotions from past traumas can resurface, emphasizing the importance of self-care and connection with the present moment, represented by stars and our shared humanity
Even when we believe we have healed from past traumas, they can resurface unexpectedly. The speaker, despite creating rituals and a stable life, was unprepared for the intense emotions that arose when she lost her job. She learned that it's crucial to prioritize self-care and connection with the present moment, as represented by the stars in the night sky. Stars, which are noncontroversial and universally admired, reminded her of the stardust from which we all come and the importance of reconnecting with our authentic selves. The journey of "Glow in the Effing Dark" is about discovering and nurturing this authentic self, which involves introspection, self-care, and recognizing that we all share a common humanity.
Starting a practice out of skepticism or spite: Discovering unexpected benefits from giving a practice a try, despite initial reluctance or judgment
Sometimes we're motivated to try new practices or habits out of a place of skepticism or even spite, but we may discover unexpected benefits. The speaker shared how she started a gratitude practice as a way to prove someone else wrong, but found that it helped her shift her perspective and appreciate the things she had. While she initially approached the practice with reluctance and judgment, she came to see the value in focusing on what she was grateful for rather than dwelling on what she lacked. This experience highlights the power of giving something a try, even if we're not initially convinced, and the potential for personal growth that can come from it.
Practicing Gratitude for Our Bodies: Recognizing the miraculous nature of our bodies and expressing gratitude for their abilities and functions can shift self-perception.
Practicing gratitude for our bodies, despite any negative feelings or societal pressures, can lead to a significant shift in self-perception. The speaker shares her personal journey of hating her body due to societal norms and her own insecurities. She describes how the simple act of buying and wearing a delicate bra transformed her perspective, leading her to honor and appreciate her body instead of criticizing it. Body gratitude is about recognizing the miraculous nature of our bodies and expressing gratitude for their abilities and functions. It's not about fake positivity or comparison to others, but rather an authentic appreciation for the unique machine that is our body. The speaker encourages us to find what we can be grateful for in our bodies, no matter their shape or size, and to celebrate them through various rituals and practices.
Self-worth and Intimacy: Prioritizing self-care and body gratitude helps us have healthy and authentic intimacy, including in sexual relationships. Healing our relationship with ourselves leads to more fulfilling and intimate connections.
Self-worth plays a significant role in our ability to have healthy and authentic intimacy, including in our sexual relationships. It's a common struggle to feel comfortable in our bodies and with ourselves, but it's essential to prioritize self-care and body gratitude. When we can't be intimate with ourselves, it's challenging to be vulnerable and open with others. Low self-worth can lead us to shrink from our lives, put others down, and enter relationships from a place of fear and mistrust. By healing our relationship with ourselves, we can open ourselves up to being tender, soft, and vulnerable with our partners, leading to more fulfilling and intimate connections. Self-worth is closely tied to sex because sex is one of the most intimate acts we can engage in. By loving and accepting ourselves, we can be open to exploring our desires and being present in the moment with our partners.
Stigmatization of Self-Love and Importance of Personal Growth: Self-love and self-care are crucial components of overall well-being. While finding a partner is not entirely within our control, focusing on personal growth and self-love can increase confidence and attract potential partners. Seek professional help if needed, explore new hobbies and social circles, and indulge in simple pleasures guilt-free.
Our culture often stigmatizes self-love and prioritizing internal well-being over external accomplishments. This mindset, as discussed, can lead to feelings of guilt and shame when it comes to enjoying simple pleasures, like bread or self-care. For Ruby, who feels burnt out and hopeless in her dating life, it's essential to remember that self-love and self-care are crucial components of overall well-being. As for Ruby's dating dilemma, it's essential to acknowledge that finding a partner is not entirely within our control. However, there are steps she can take to improve her dating experience. First, she might consider reevaluating her expectations and being open to different types of relationships. Additionally, focusing on personal growth and self-love can increase confidence and attract potential partners. Lastly, seeking professional help, such as therapy or a coach, can provide valuable insights and tools to navigate the dating scene. In the meantime, Ruby can explore new hobbies, social circles, and activities to meet new people and expand her horizons. And, of course, indulging in a delicious slice of hero bread, guilt-free, can provide a small but meaningful boost to her day.
Taking a break from dating for personal growth: Taking intentional time off from dating can lead to personal growth and better relationships in the future. Focus on self-care, personal growth, and introspection during this time to enhance the experience.
Taking intentional time off from dating can lead to personal growth and better relationships in the future. Ruby shared her experience of feeling disappointed and craving validation in her past relationships, leading her to take a year off for self-discovery. During this time, she focused on herself, experimented with new experiences, and learned to appreciate her own company. By doing so, she was able to attract a more fulfilling relationship when she returned to the dating scene. It's important to remember that taking a break from dating is a valid choice, and using the time wisely through self-care, personal growth, and introspection can lead to a renewed perspective and better relationships. Additionally, recognizing the privilege of being single and using this time to grow can further enhance the experience.
Focusing on personal growth and self-acceptance in dating: Instead of waiting to have life together, focus on building confidence and challenging limiting beliefs to prepare for dating. Remember past experiences of being hit on or flirted with, and avoid negative self-talk. Create a pre-dating ritual to boost self-esteem.
Being single and alone can have its benefits, but it's important to avoid negative self-talk and unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. Many people believe they need to have their life together before they can start dating, but this mindset can prevent them from putting themselves out there. Instead, focusing on building confidence and challenging limiting beliefs can help individuals feel more prepared and ready to date. April, who recently got out of a toxic relationship and struggles with self-consciousness, can benefit from this advice. It's important for her to remember that she has been hit on or flirted with in the past and to avoid putting herself down with absolute statements. Additionally, creating a pre-dating ritual to help build confidence and self-esteem can be helpful. Overall, the key takeaway is to focus on personal growth and self-acceptance, rather than external validation, when it comes to dating.
Exploring sexuality alone: A journey towards healing and confidence: Focus on solo sex for self-exploration and confidence building. Prioritize safety and consider EMDR therapy for trauma processing.
Healing from sexual trauma and exploring your sexuality can be a challenging journey, especially when you don't have a partner. Emily, a sex therapist, suggests focusing on solo sex as a way to reconnect with your body and build confidence. For those with trauma responses, it's important to prioritize safety and not push yourself into situations that may trigger negative reactions. EMDR therapy, a type of trauma therapy, can be a helpful resource for processing past experiences and promoting healing. Remember, your own self-love and acceptance are the foundations for a fulfilling sexual experience, whether alone or with a partner.
Healing Trauma with EMDR Therapy: A Powerful Method for Rewiring the Brain: EMDR therapy is a non-talk based method that uses eye movements, somatic experiences, and emotional processing to help the brain heal from trauma and create new, healthier neural pathways.
EMDR therapy, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a powerful and effective method for healing trauma and rewiring the brain. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn't focus on analyzing the past or gaining insights. Instead, it guides the brain in healing itself through a series of exercises that involve eye movements, somatic experiences, and emotional processing. The therapy has been proven to be particularly effective for veterans with PTSD, but it can also benefit anyone who has experienced trauma or negative thought patterns. The idea behind EMDR is that our brains have the natural ability to heal and rewire themselves through neuroplasticity. By challenging and reprogramming negative thought patterns, we can change our behavior and make new, healthier neural pathways. EMDR is less about talking and more about feeling, and it can lead to significant improvements in emotional safety and the ability to experience pleasure and joy in life.
The Importance of Feeling Safe for Mental and Emotional Health: Journaling provides a physical space for processing emotions, reduces anxiety and depression, improves immune function, promotes physical healing, and is a powerful tool for self-care and growth.
Feeling safe is a fundamental aspect of our wellbeing and intimacy, yet it's often overlooked. Growing up in an unsafe environment instilled a deep anxiety within the speaker, and many people may relate to this feeling, especially in today's uncertain world. Creating a sense of safety within oneself is crucial for mental and emotional health, and journaling is an effective tool for achieving this. Not only does it provide a physical space for processing emotions, but it's also scientifically proven to reduce anxiety and depression, improve immune function, and even promote physical healing. The speaker, Tara, is passionate about journaling and offers resources and support through her journaling club, the Glow Gathers. So, take some time to reflect on your own sense of safety and consider incorporating journaling into your daily routine as a powerful tool for self-care and growth.
Exploring sexuality with a partner: a journey of pleasure and communication: Be open-minded and communicative about sex and relationships to discover new pleasurable experiences. Prioritize pleasure and address underlying issues.
Being open-minded and communicative about sex and relationships can lead to new and pleasurable experiences. Tara shared her experience of exploring her sexuality with a partner, using a yes, no, maybe list, and discovering new things that brought her pleasure. She emphasized the importance of addressing underlying issues and prioritizing pleasure. Tara's advice for her younger self and for listeners is to be curious and willing to try new things, and to remember that sex can be enjoyable and fulfilling. Tara's new book, "Glow in the Fucking Dark," and her newsletter on Substack are great resources for those interested in joining her on her journey towards sexual exploration and self-discovery.
