Podcast Summary
Understanding and managing emotions for better decision making and stronger relationships: Emotional agility helps us navigate emotions mindfully, make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives.
Our emotional intelligence plays a significant role in navigating life and making decisions. According to Susan David, an award-winning psychologist and author of the bestseller "Emotional Agility," our emotions, not logic or intellect, often dictate our actions and reactions. Being emotionally agile means being able to navigate emotions in a mindful and conscious way, rather than reacting impulsively. Susan David is a leading expert in this field, with a background in psychology, a successful career as a speaker and consultant, and a popular TED talk on emotional courage. By understanding and managing our emotions, we can make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives.
Swiss Innovation: Sustainability, Energy Efficiency, and Consumer Well-Being with On and Go Brewing: Learn about On's sustainable athletic gear and Go Brewing's delicious, natural, alcohol-free beers. Embrace uncomfortable emotions for greater success, and enjoy exclusive discounts from both companies.
Both On and Go Brewing represent innovative Swiss companies that prioritize sustainability, energy efficiency, and consumer well-being. On offers sustainable athletic gear, while Go Brewing produces delicious, alcohol-free craft beers with natural ingredients and fewer calories. Another key takeaway is the importance of emotional agility, as discussed with psychologist Susan David. She emphasized that uncomfortable emotions are a natural part of life and that learning to embrace them can lead to greater success, problem-solving abilities, and overall well-being. Additionally, listeners can enjoy exclusive discounts from On (10% off with code richroll10) and Go Brewing (15% off first purchase with code richroll). Lastly, Voice Change Media, a new venture featuring thought-provoking content from various shows, was introduced.
Understanding and accepting emotions: Recognizing and accepting emotions without judgment leads to effective and successful living.
Our emotions, though often stigmatized or seen as disruptive, are natural and essential parts of being human. They provide important signals about our well-being and how we're doing in our lives. However, societal messages and personal judgments can lead us to suppress or deny emotions, creating a vicious cycle of shame and guilt. Instead, it's crucial to recognize and accept our emotions as they arise, without judgment, to be our most effective and successful selves. The author's work challenges the notion of good and bad emotions, emphasizing that all emotions have evolved in us to help us respond and survive. By moving beyond the struggle with our emotions and acknowledging them as part of our inner world, we can make intentional choices about how we behave and lead more fulfilling lives.
Understanding emotions as signposts to values: Recognizing and accepting emotions can help identify values, guide actions, and protect against social contagion
Recognizing and accepting our emotions, rather than judging them, can help us identify our values and move towards them. Emotions act as signposts to the things we care about deeply. For instance, feeling guilty as a parent might indicate a value of presence and connectedness with children. By being open-hearted and compassionate towards our emotions, we can discern our values and make choices that bring us closer to them. Values are not just abstract ideas but qualities of action that we can practice every day. They protect us from social contagion, the tendency to adopt behaviors and desires of those around us without realizing it. To stay true to our values, it's essential to keep them front of mind and align our actions with them. Distinguishing values from goals is also important, as values are the underlying motivators, while goals are specific targets to achieve.
Understanding and Living in Alignment with Values: Self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion are necessary for identifying and living in alignment with values. Values guide us towards being our best selves, but they're not achievable goals. Emotions and experiences can help identify values, and habits can help align actions with values.
Values are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships, but identifying and living in alignment with our values requires self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion. Values are not achievable goals, but rather, they are life directions that guide us towards being the best versions of ourselves. For instance, intimacy and connection in relationships can be a core value, and enacting that value might involve setting tangible goals, such as having regular one-on-one time with your partner. However, for those who struggle to identify their values, it's important to reflect on emotions and experiences without judgment and seek clarity through self-reflection and self-compassion. Habits play a crucial role in aligning our actions with our values, and making values-aligned habit changes can help strengthen our relationships.
Identifying and prioritizing personal values: Reflecting on what's worthwhile and making intentional choices based on personal values can lead to clarity and reduce conflict.
Understanding and prioritizing personal values can help guide decisions and bring clarity to our lives, even when faced with conflicting priorities or difficult choices. Values are not black and white, but rather complex and multifaceted, and they can evolve throughout our lives. A simple exercise to begin identifying values is reflecting on what is worthwhile at the end of the day, and considering the effort and discomfort that often accompanies valuable experiences. Remember, it's not about being in multiple places at once, but rather making intentional choices that serve our values, and finding ways to incorporate them into our daily lives. These choices can lead to greater clarity and reduce feelings of guilt or conflict. Values are not just abstract concepts, but rather the foundation for the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and the emotional experiences that come with them. This concept was born out of personal experience, as the speaker grew up in a society that denied the humanity of others, and realized the importance of understanding and prioritizing values in order to make a positive impact on the world.
The Power of Emotional Expression: Suppressing emotions can hinder healing and resilience. Authentic emotional experiences, fostered by expressing emotions, can lead to better coping mechanisms and understanding of grief, ultimately promoting compassion and social responsibility.
Suppressing emotions and adhering to societal norms of positivity can hinder the process of healing and resilience. The speaker's experience of losing her father and the subsequent denial from her peers led her to discover the power of expressing her emotions through writing. This practice helped her understand and cope with her grief, ultimately becoming the catalyst for her life's work. The speaker argues that societal norms of positivity can create a "tyranny" that discourages authentic emotional experiences. This can lead to negative consequences on both an individual and societal level, including the denial of social responsibilities and the lack of compassion for others and the world.
Understanding the Power of Our Stories: Recognize the impact of past experiences on our stories and emotions, practice self-compassion, and choose to unhook from unhelpful thought patterns for greater emotional agility
Our thoughts, emotions, and stories can sometimes drive our actions in unhelpful ways, leading to a lack of emotional agility. This can manifest in various aspects of our lives, including our relationships and our perception of ourselves. The book "Emotional Agility" explores this concept in depth, drawing on the idea that between stimulus and response, there is a space where we have the power to choose. However, when we're "hooked," our thoughts, emotions, and stories drive our actions without this space for choice. The first step to becoming unhooked is to show up to ourselves with curiosity and compassion, recognizing that our stories often have roots in past experiences. By understanding this, we can begin to unpack and move beyond these limiting stories, leading to greater emotional agility and freedom.
Learning to observe our thoughts and emotions: By observing our thoughts and emotions, we can gain a new perspective and respond effectively to situations, freeing ourselves from limiting stories
Our thoughts and emotions are complex experiences that are shaped by our past experiences and stories. These stories can help us survive, but they can also limit us if we bring them into new situations in ways that don't serve us. To overcome this, it's important to learn how to observe our thinking mind and develop a more objective perspective on our stories. This can help us separate ourselves from our emotions and respond to situations in a more effective way. Simple strategies like labeling our emotions accurately and noticing our thoughts for what they are can help us create separation and activate our problem-solving abilities. By becoming an observer of our thoughts and emotions, we can gain a new perspective and free ourselves from the limiting stories that no longer serve us.
Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness for personal growth: Mindfulness helps us notice thoughts and emotions as data, not directives, enabling better decision-making and emotional resilience. Some individuals may use stories of victimhood or low self-esteem as protective functions, requiring distinction from clinical depression to encourage growth.
Developing mindfulness and self-awareness through practices like journaling and meditation can significantly enhance the process of gaining clarity over emotional states and expanding personal growth. Mindfulness helps us notice thoughts and emotions as data, not directives, empowering us to make conscious choices. For children and adults alike, this can lead to better decision-making and emotional resilience. However, for some individuals, their stories of victimhood or low self-esteem may serve protective functions, making it essential to distinguish between these cases and clinical depression. By understanding the functions of these stories, we can help individuals identify the values and aspects of themselves that are being negated, encouraging them to reconsider their narratives and embrace growth.
Embracing All Emotions for Personal Growth: Embracing all emotions, not just positive ones, is crucial for personal growth and self-actualization. Difficult conversations and processing unpleasant feelings are necessary for end-of-life care and living an authentic life.
Embracing all emotions, both good and bad, is essential for personal growth and self-actualization. Our culture's focus on positive thinking and avoiding unpleasant emotions can hinder our ability to process and cope with difficult feelings, leading to a public health crisis like depression becoming the leading cause of disability. To navigate life effectively, we need to strengthen our emotional agility and develop skill sets to handle the full range of human experiences. Authentic, meaningful conversations about difficult topics, such as death, can be challenging, but they are necessary for personal growth and end-of-life care. Encouraging people to stay positive, while well-intentioned, can sometimes be a band-aid solution that takes away from genuine emotional support. Embracing the beauty and fragility of life together is the key to living a fulfilling and authentic life.
Accepting difficult emotions: Allowing emotions, even the difficult ones, helps us understand and cope effectively. Strategies include labeling, writing, and perspective taking.
Denying or suppressing difficult emotions and thoughts can actually make them stronger and more persistent. Instead, it's important to allow ourselves to feel these emotions as part of being human and understand that they are just things with the power we attach to them. Radical acceptance of emotions, even the difficult ones, is the cornerstone for dealing with them effectively. This can be applied in various areas of life, including parenting and personal growth. Labeling emotions, writing about them, and practicing perspective taking are effective strategies for understanding and coping with difficult emotions. By creating space and shifting perspectives, we can gain valuable insights and move forward.
Shift from 'have to' to 'want to' for motivation: Deeply felt motivation for change comes from personal values, not just intellectual understanding. Techniques like moving between chairs can help create space for this shift. Framing goals as 'want to' instead of 'have to' taps into intrinsic motivation and increases likelihood of following through.
Sustainable behavior change doesn't come from intellectual understanding alone, but rather from a deeply felt motivation rooted in personal values. The therapist's technique of having a person move between chairs, representing the stuck and wise parts of themselves, can help create space for this shift. When we frame our goals as "want to" instead of "have to," we tap into intrinsic motivation and are more likely to follow through. The story of a man who adopted a child from an orphanage and was able to make lasting health changes by connecting his goal to the value of being able to care for his child illustrates this concept. Ultimately, true change comes from within and requires a willingness to align our actions with our deeply held values.
Connecting goals with values for intrinsic motivation: Focusing on values and aligning goals can ignite intrinsic motivation for sustainable behavior change, as our brain processes taste sensations before self-will.
Helping someone else achieve their goals, such as sobriety, is not always about using external motivation or willpower. Instead, it's essential to connect their goals with their values to ignite their intrinsic motivation. For instance, if someone wants to lose weight, focusing on their values and seeing how their goal aligns with those values can help reduce temptation and create sustainable behavior change. Additionally, our brain processes taste sensations before we make a choice, meaning we have no self-will. Therefore, changing the environment and focusing on intrinsic motivation are crucial for long-term success. Personal experiences show that even when someone wants to help us change, our resistance can be strong until we are ready to let go of external pressures and discover what we truly want for ourselves.
Small shifts in life can lead to significant transformation: Recognizing someone's presence and making small adjustments to routines or mindsets can lead to profound impacts in our lives
Small shifts and tiny tweaks in our lives can have profound impacts. These changes may seem insignificant in the moment, but they can ultimately lead to significant transformation. This idea goes against the cultural obsession with life hacks and shortcuts, where we often celebrate those who make extraordinary changes quickly. However, the path to extraordinary achievements is often contained in the tiny, everyday actions we take. For example, recognizing someone's presence and validating their existence, as in the South African greeting "Sawubona," can have a profound impact. Similarly, making small adjustments to our routines or mindsets can lead to increased productivity or happiness. It's important to remember that these changes may not be glamorous or sexy, but they can be powerful. Instead of focusing on drastic overhauls, we can focus on the small shifts that, over time, can move mountains.
Exploring passions and creativity doesn't require drastic changes: Small steps like writing a joke or attending a meeting related to an interest can lead to personal growth and potential future endeavors. Embrace discomfort and expand experiences for meaningful growth.
Exploring your passions and expressing your creativity doesn't always mean quitting your job or making drastic changes to your life. Instead, it can begin with small steps, such as writing a joke or attending a meeting related to your interest. These actions can lead to personal growth and potentially inform your future endeavors. Emotional agility plays a role in this process, as suppressing your impulses and denying your desires can lead to feelings of disengagement and disempowerment. Instead, acknowledging and exploring these desires can lead to growth. Additionally, finding the balance between being overcompetent and overchallenged in various aspects of life, including work and relationships, can lead to meaningful growth and personal development. This balance can be achieved by expanding both breadth and depth in your experiences. Overall, embracing discomfort and pushing the boundaries of your abilities in a values-aligned way can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Emotional agility: Adapting to emotional ups and downs: Emotional agility is crucial for maintaining balance and overcoming challenges, while emotional rigidity can hinder empathy and connection. In addiction, addressing underlying emotional pain is key to recovery.
Emotional agility, the ability to adapt to emotional ups and downs, plays a crucial role in maintaining balance and overcoming challenges, whether it's in extreme sports or in dealing with personal struggles like addiction. This process doesn't happen overnight but involves taking incremental steps to push past comfort zones and acclimate to new challenges. Emotional rigidity, on the other hand, can lead to societal issues, such as the inability to empathize and connect with others due to unacknowledged emotional pain. These ideas, drawn from various clinical contexts, can be applied to different situations, including addiction, where emotional pain often drives the compulsive behavior. To effectively address addiction, it's essential to recognize and confront the underlying emotional pain rather than just removing the substance or behavior as a coping mechanism.
Recognizing and acknowledging emotions without judgment: Embracing all emotional complexities can lead to authentic happiness and a more compassionate approach to life. Recognizing emotions without judgment is a first step towards emotional agility.
Focusing solely on positive emotions and dismissing negative ones can lead to a dehumanizing perspective towards others and ourselves. This mindset can result in the belief that people in difficult situations are to blame for their own struggles due to their supposedly poor attitudes. However, embracing all emotional complexities can potentially lead to authentic happiness and a more compassionate approach to life. A first step towards emotional agility is recognizing and ending the struggle of being right or wrong by simply noticing and acknowledging our emotions without judgment.
Exploring new ways to help people make changes in their lives: Psychologist and author Susan David continues to innovate, with projects including a children's book, computer program, speaking engagements, and new books.
Susan David, a psychologist and author, is not resting on her laurels after the success of her book "Emotional Agility." She's constantly exploring new ways to help people enact change in their lives. One project is a children's book, and another is a computer program that uses personal information to coach users through the process of making changes. David also continues to speak and work with Harvard Medical School. To connect with her, follow her on social media or visit her website at susandavid.com. She's currently offering a chance to win a free spot on her upcoming retreat in Tuscany through her blog. David's latest book, a revised edition of "Finding Ultra," is now available, and her cookbook, "Plant Power Whey Italia," is available for pre-order. To learn more about emotional agility, take her quiz at susandavid.com/forward/learn. Support the show by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Patreon.com/richroll. Thanks to the team behind the scenes, including Jason Camiolo, Michael Gibson, Anna Lemma, and new team member Blake Curtis.
