UFYB 261: Socialization, Authority, and Owning Your Power: A Conversation with Brooke Castillo Part 1

Taking authority in your own life is a crucial skill for personal growth. In this episode of Unfuck Your Brain podcast, the host and her mentor Brooke Castillo discuss the importance of claiming authority and share the three core skills and five subconscious blocks that hinder us from doing so. The masterclass, "Claim Your Authority," offers a deeper exploration of these concepts and is open for sign-up, with a live session available for those who join on the day it's released. By learning to take ownership of our decisions and validate ourselves internally, we can live more fulfilling lives and become examples of self-authority. So, join the masterclass and start your journey towards claiming your authority today. Text or email plus 1347-997-1784 with the code word "cya" or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/forward/cya to sign up.

Authority is the belief in one's ability and right to make decisions about one's own life. It's not about having the power to make decisions in every area, but rather taking responsibility for the decisions we can make in the areas where we have power. It's a feeling of groundedness and confidence in our decision-making abilities. Unfortunately, many women, including those in the past and present, don't have the authority to make decisions about their own lives due to various circumstances. Exercising our authority in our own lives is a responsibility we all have, and it's important to claim that power and trust ourselves in the decision-making process.

Despite significant technological and legal advancements over the last century, deeply ingrained social beliefs from centuries past continue to impact women's ability to fully exercise authority over their own lives, particularly in areas like money and decision-making. This socialization has led to a belief that women are weak, irrational, and in need of guidance from men. Women are often discouraged from claiming their authority and making bold decisions for themselves, leading to disapproval and disbelief from others. This fear of rejection and the desire for validation can prevent women from setting ambitious goals and making decisions that align with their true desires. To overcome this, it's essential for women to recognize their worth and their right to make decisions for themselves, even if it disrupts the status quo or elicits disapproval from others.

Societal conditioning and biology can limit how women express their power and confidence, often leading to feelings of self-doubt or apology when faced with criticism or misunderstanding. This is particularly true when it comes to the concept of "big dick energy," which unintentionally reinforces harmful gender stereotypes and can discourage women from fully embracing their authentic selves. It's essential to challenge these limiting beliefs and recognize that power and confidence come in many forms and are not tied to genitalia or gender. Additionally, historical and current societal dangers make it difficult for women and marginalized groups to fully express their power and sexuality without facing harassment, bullying, or even violence. It's crucial to continue advocating for change and encouraging women to step into their power and claim their space in the world.

Women, especially those in privileged positions, have the responsibility to claim their authority and identity as entrepreneurs or businesswomen, despite societal associations and personal biases. This is crucial as the transition from social justice work to entrepreneurship can be overwhelming and filled with self-doubt, leading to constant second-guessing and seeking external validation. The lack of self-trust and belief in one's authority to make decisions is a common issue among women coaches and business owners. This can result in a cycle of hiring numerous business coaches, none of whom resonate, and continuously playing small. It's essential to recognize that we are entitled to make decisions and trust ourselves, even when faced with uncertainty or disagreement. This shift in mindset can lead to growth and success in both personal and professional endeavors.

Claiming and embracing your own authority is essential for personal growth and success. This means not seeking permission from others to live your life or make decisions based on your values. However, it's important to surround yourself with supportive communities and coaching programs that challenge and expand your thinking, without giving away your authority to them. Remember, you don't need someone else's permission to be yourself or make a million dollars. Instead, focus on developing your own inner authority and trusting yourself to make the best decisions for your life. Additionally, be wary of spaces that position themselves as experts and judge your performance, as these can be detrimental to your growth.

Taking authority over your own life is essential for personal growth and effective coaching. During coach training, having disagreements and diverse perspectives can save individuals from falling into the trap of blindly following an authority figure. It's crucial for coaches to encourage their clients to claim their own power and authority, rather than trying to be their mirror image. Women and marginalized individuals may have had negative experiences with authority figures, leading to a subconscious resistance to claiming their own authority. However, embracing personal authority leads to a decrease in the desire to control others and allows individuals to focus on their own growth. In coaching, recognizing the importance of personal authority empowers both the coach and the client to make progress towards their goals.

Women often abdicate their responsibility when it comes to making decisions about their own lives, particularly what they eat, due to a fear of doing it wrong and a societal belief that their value comes from external validation. This fear and socialization can extend to various aspects of their lives, leading to a lack of authority and an excessive need for approval. To begin claiming more authority, it's essential to make decisions on purpose and choose what to think about the outcomes, starting with low-stakes decisions. This process can help build confidence and autonomy. The societal expectations and conditioning that contribute to this issue need ongoing awareness and challenge, as well.

Making the wrong decision does not make you a wrong person. The speaker shares an example of buying a house with a former partner and later deciding against it, resulting in a financial loss. She emphasizes that although the decision was financially wrong, she did not view herself as a wrong person for making it. It's crucial to understand the difference between being factually wrong and making oneself morally wrong. The former can be corrected, while the latter can lead to feelings of shame and self-deprecation. The speaker encourages recognizing that wrong decisions are a natural part of life and not a reflection of one's worth or value.

We cannot rely on external validation or approval to feel secure in our decisions. The belief that we need multiple sign-offs from friends, family, or colleagues to make a decision is a fallacy. This thought pattern can lead to compulsive decision-making and endless self-doubt. Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and our abilities to make decisions, understanding that our power lies in the act of making a decision, not in the outcome itself. Exercising our authority means embracing the uncertainty and moving forward with confidence, knowing that our minds are our own to control. Making decisions, whether right or wrong, is what keeps us progressing in life. The ultimate claiming of authority is the authority over our own minds.

Claiming your authority means taking control of your thoughts and feelings, which ultimately influences your actions. We often feel powerless when we believe external factors cause our emotions. However, the true source of authority lies within ourselves. To effectively claim this authority, we must learn to manage our minds, be aware of our thoughts and feelings, and change them when necessary. This self-connection empowers us to make decisions confidently and handle the consequences. The world may not always agree, but our inner voice is the only reliable source of guidance. The Clutch, a feminist coaching community, can help individuals apply these concepts and learn new tools to master thought work.

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