You're No Fun Anymore

Fluff out your hair extensions and swash your buckles as we ride off with Disney’s 1993 schlocktacular The Three Musketeers. Which is more historically inaccurate, this movie or your average Renaissance Faire? Who buttered your biscuit more, Keifer Sutherland or Chris O’Donnell?  Is the only good thing to come out of this Tim Curry's cape twirling and another killer rock ballad by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting? And can the next remake please just star all the great Hollywood Chrises, aka The Three Chriskateers? We might get some answers if we weren’t equal parts disappointed and offended by the mediocrity of this whole production.

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Put on your glamest resort wear, pull up a wicker chair and dig into this cheesecake as we travel down the road and back again with The Golden Girls. Is any gushing tribute enough to honor the incredible Betty White? Will Dayna be in charge of preserving this lore in the apocalypse? Why did the live-in gay house-boy in the pilot get written out of this show? Do sitcoms set the tone for our real-life friendships? And can you listen to this theme song without singing along? We just want you to know that your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. 

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Pick up that random phone call and make sure you know your horror movie tropes as we take a stab at Wes Craven’s Scream. Why doesn’t Drew Barrymore get more credit for her late 90s cinematic acumen? Are Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard totally boning in this film, or ensnared in a dom-sub bro-down? Were high school friendships really this toxic? (Yuuuup.) Why is Liev Schreiber tossed in such a throw-away scene? And do you want us to post our awkward school photos? All we know is that the meta still holds up in this episode even if the teenage shenanigans don’t. 

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Pitch your voice up a few octaves and brace yourself for some unbelievably racist stereotypes as we race off with the bizarrely sexual children's film The Chipmunk Adventure. Would this movie have made any more sense if we’d been able to watch it as a cohesive whole rather than through YouTube scraps? Who decided turning the Chipmunks into money laundering mules would make a good plot for a kid’s movie? Are Klaus and Claudia siblings or… something more? And, most disturbingly, why must there be so many upskirt shots of the Chipettes? Please direct all questions to our therapists because this is the episode where we tangle with how deeply this movie imprinted on some of our psyches.  

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Don your shiniest pleather trench coat and rimless sunglasses as we plug into the Wachowskis’ cyber-punk behemoth The Matrix. Did the inane sequels and toxic fanboy co-opting forever taint the often enjoyable original? Why wasn’t the totally badass Carrie-Anne Moss the protagonist of this film? And was Joey Pants right to want to swallow that blue pill with a smile on his face? All we know is that we get fittingly philosophical in this episode.  

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Get ready for some disappointment in our younger selves, as we turn our attention to the bevvy of jerky dudes and unrealistic romance in John Hughes’s Pretty in Pink. Who are your top f**k, marry, kill James Spader characters? Why mar Annie Potts’s otherwise perfect Iona by making her fall for a bland 80s yuppie? What kind of fashion designer destroys two decent prom dresses to make a fancy potato sack? And why did we ever feel bad for Duckie? This is the episode where the die-hard romantics make themselves known.

Tease up your hair and keep an eye on your biological clock, as we fall in love with one of the greatest on-screen couplings (except when anything sexy is going on): Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. Does this movie make fun of coastal elites or hicks—or neither? Is Ralph Maccio’s most heinous crime in this movie that god-awful mustache? If we watch this movie enough times, can we just skip law school and start taking cases? Don’t ask us unless you’re ready to get yelled at by some loud New Yorkers. 

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Throw on your hautest couture and grab your Multi Pass, as we dive into the sci-fi ingenuity and unavoidable ickiness of Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element. Can we get some more backstory on those steampunk armadillo-ducks? Does Ruby Rhod’s hair tube get in the way when he goes down on someone? How was the opera diva planning on getting those stones out of her body? And does Gary Oldman realize he won’t get paid when the whole planet goes big bada boom? We might have some answers for you if we didn't get so sidetracked in this episode.  

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Pick up your proton packs and watch out for that moody slime, it’s time to get the band back together for the campy cash grab that is Ghostbusters II. Who else has a soft spot for sequels? Was there no such thing as workplace harassment training in 1989? (No need to answer that, we know there wasn’t.) Is there any scene that Peter MacNicol does not steal? (No need to answer that one either.) How did everyone forget that the city was attacked by a giant supernatural marshmallow man five years before this? The only thing we make sure you know in this ep is that we're all New Yorkers. 

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Cook up some fava beans and uncork your nicest chianti, as we find out where our early fascination with gruesome murders likely comes from, with Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins (or should we say HOTkins?) in Jonathan Demme’s The Silence of the Lambs. How much direct eye contact can an audience withstand? Did anyone else watch the TV spinoff Clarice? And why would fashion conscious Hannibal Lecter be caught dead in that frumpy linen suit and floppy hair? We might have some answers for you if we didn't spend most of this ep talking about serial killers. 

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Swap on your witchiest head and take a long swig of nightmare juice, as we re-traumatize our tender psyches with Disney’s Return to Oz. Why were the 80s so messed up? How much of this movie have we all repressed? Where can we find our own sassy talking chicken? And who doesn’t like a nice mutton sleeve? This is a fittingly haunted—at least psychologically—episode to get you in an Octobery mood. 

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Pour on that glitter and stuff those jodhpurs, as we fall back into the Goblin Kingdom with Jim Henson’s Labyrinth. How much of our generation had their sexual awakening watching David Bowie? Where did Jennifer Connelly so effectively learn about stranger danger? Should we let go of childish things, or just up the production value? And what the f**k is an oubliette? This is the first episode we recorded, so cut us some slack. 

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Share a special brownie with your favorite 90s boyfriend Ethan Embry because it’s time for us to celebrate Rex Manning Day, aka Allan Moyle’s Empire Records. Did you know there was an alternate universe edit of this movie that actually explains everyone’s motivations? Why were the 90s so lily white? What happened to the dog from the movie poster? And can we ever look at blue cheese the same way again? This is the episode where all agree Renée Zellweger is a better friend—and actor—than Liv Tyler.

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Prepare for a heated face-off between the annoyed extroverts and the misunderstood introverts, as we tackle the rampant ennui and soulmate shenanigans of Sophia Coppola’s Lost in Translation. How can two people be so unhappy when their lives are so cushy? Who thought making fun of Japanese accents was still ok in 2003? And where can we find a karaoke lounge perched over the city like that? In this episode, the only thing we can all agree on is that Giovanni Ribisi is an awful husband. 

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Cue The Police and get ready for some f-bombs, as we revisit the comedy glory and catfishing shame of Steve Martin’s Roxanne. How can the romance part of a romcom go so wrong, when the jokes are so so right? Why is everyone in Colorado dressed like they live in Miami? What exactly can CD do with that nose? And why would you name a cat Grover? Welcome to the first episode of You’re No Fun Anymore, where we really test the concept behind this whole podcast.

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