Podcast Summary
Approaching adult relationships: Adults resist being told what to do, are responsible for their own happiness, and can only change themselves. Focus on offering support, setting boundaries, and practicing empathy instead of trying to force change.
Trying to change someone else's behavior through constant pushing and complaining is not effective in adult relationships. Mel Robbins, in her podcast, shares three truths about adults that can help us approach such situations differently. These truths are: adults resist being told what to do, adults are responsible for their own happiness, and adults can only change themselves. By accepting these truths and focusing on our own actions and reactions, we can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Instead of trying to force change, we can offer support, set boundaries, and practice empathy and understanding. Remember, we cannot control others, but we can control how we respond to their actions.
Adults changing: We cannot force others to change and should focus on our own actions instead. Adults only do what they truly want to do, so developing compassion and humility can lead to better relationships and personal growth.
Adults only change when they are ready and willing to do so. It's essential to understand that we cannot force others to change, and trying to do so may actually hinder their progress. Instead, focusing on our own actions and reactions can create a positive impact on our relationships. Another truth is that adults only do what they truly want to do. This applies to both ourselves and others. By accepting this truth, we can develop more compassion and humility, leading to better relationships and less frustration. Lisa's question about being more tolerant and accepting of others resonates with this idea. To be more tolerant, we must meet people where they are in life and understand that everyone carries their own "bullshit" to deal with. Practicing patience and compassion towards others can lead to better relationships and personal growth.
Motivations when dealing with difficult people: Check motivations, respond from love and understanding instead of judgment and superiority, recognize biases, and be patient and compassionate towards others' personal growth journey.
When dealing with people who seem stuck or irritating, it's essential to check our motivations and come from a place of love and understanding, rather than judgment and superiority. People may not be capable of change right away due to various reasons, such as lack of awareness, resources, or support. It's crucial to recognize our own biases and respond with compassion and patience, as everyone's journey towards personal growth is unique. In the example given, the speaker learned to be more tolerant and understanding towards her husband's frustration, acknowledging her own mistake and taking responsibility for it.
Accepting others' uniqueness: Be compassionate, understanding, and supportive of others' unique strengths and weaknesses, while focusing on our own growth and seeking resources for improvement.
It's important to understand that everyone has their unique strengths and weaknesses, and trying to change others or expecting them to be who we want them to be can lead to frustration and wasted energy. Instead, focus on being compassionate, understanding, and supportive while also seeking out the necessary resources and support for ourselves to improve and avoid dropping balls. Additionally, recognizing that everyone gets six months to work through their challenges before we step in and offer guidance or assistance can help manage our patience and energy. Ultimately, it's essential to remember that we can't make others change, and focusing on our own growth and development is the most effective use of our energy.
Setting boundaries: After 6 months of dealing with someone's negative behavior or situation, establish a boundary and communicate it clearly to promote personal growth and improved relationships
Setting boundaries and letting go of trying to change others can lead to personal growth and improved relationships. According to the discussion, after six months of dealing with someone's negative behavior or situation, it's important to establish a boundary and communicate it clearly. This doesn't mean giving up on the person or the relationship, but rather recognizing that change must come from within the other person. By letting go of the struggle and focusing on your own values and boundaries, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling dynamic. This approach empowers both parties and allows for personal growth. It's important to remember that change is not impossible, but it requires a shift in mindset and a willingness to let go of the past. By following these principles, you can transform your relationships and live a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Acceptance and Change in Relationships: Instead of trying to change others, focus on acceptance, loving support, and creating positive ripples in relationships during personal change.
When we try to change others, we often create negative energy and push them away. Instead, it's more effective to accept people where they are and offer loving and supportive encouragement. Change is a process that affects all relationships, and it's important to remember that everyone is struggling with their own challenges. Our sponsors support us in providing this podcast for free, and we should extend the same give-and-take mindset to them and to the people in our lives. By focusing on connection, acceptance, and love, we can bring people closer to us rather than pushing them away. Additionally, when we make changes in our own lives, we create ripples that impact those around us. It's important to be mindful of this and approach change in a way that considers the impact on our relationships.
My side bias: Recognizing 'my side bias' can help us approach conversations about personal changes with empathy and understanding, as others may react defensively due to discomfort reflecting on their own habits.
Personal changes can lead to confrontation from others due to the discomfort it causes them to reflect on their own habits and decisions. Using the example of a husband giving up drinking, the speaker explains how his wife's initial support turned into frustration and pressure to change her own behavior. This phenomenon, known as "my side bias," can make it difficult for individuals to be open to new ideas and consider alternative ways of living. It's essential to recognize that people may react defensively to your changes and use that awareness to approach conversations with empathy and understanding.
Forcing change: Only 3% of people change when change is imposed, encouraging and supporting is more effective, everyone has the right to make their own choices, focus on your own behavior
Trying to force or lecture someone into making changes in their life is unlikely to be effective. According to research, only 3% of people change when they feel the change is being imposed on them. Instead, it's more effective to encourage and support them in a way that makes them believe the change is their own idea. By asking questions and creating a dialogue, you can help them come to their own conclusions and increase the chances of them making positive changes. Additionally, it's important to remember that everyone has the right to make their own choices and that loving someone means accepting them for who they are, even if they're not who we want them to be. Focusing on your own behavior and energy can also create a positive impact on those around you.
Responsibility for happiness: Ultimately, it's up to each individual to create a fulfilling life and be responsible for their own happiness, despite others' actions or beliefs.
While you may wish for others to change, ultimately, the responsibility for your happiness and creating a fulfilling life lies with you. Your friends and family might appreciate the podcast episodes you share with them, and it's essential to understand that their adoption of new ideas might not be immediate. Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of compassion and love towards others, even when their actions don't align with your expectations. The podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only, and listeners should consult professionals for personalized advice. Remember, your happiness is in your hands.