How to be an adult – and how to raise one (w/ Julie Lythcott-Haims)

Podcast Summary

• Understanding the Unique Journey of Adulthood: Everyone's path to adulthood is unique and it's important to provide a nourishing environment and support for individuals to become their best selves, rather than trying to shape them into a specific form.

  Being an adult is a unique journey for everyone, and it's important for parents and young people alike to understand that it's not about shaping someone into a specific form, but rather providing a nourishing environment and support for them to become their best selves. In the words of today's guest, Julie Lythcott Hanes, "My kids aren't bonsai trees. They're wildflowers of an unknown genus and species." As we all age and navigate the challenges that come with it, whether it's learning budgeting skills or developing self-regulation, it's essential to remember that everyone's path to adulthood is different. So, whether you're a parent looking to impart wisdom on your kids or a young person trying to figure it out on your own, Julie's books, "How to Raise an Adult" and "Your Turn: How to be an Adult," offer valuable insights and guidance. Ultimately, the goal is to support and love others so they can love and receive love in return, and let each person discover their unique path to adulthood.

• Insights from Progressive Insurance and 'Who Smarted' Podcast: Progressive Insurance saves families an average of $744, while 'Who Smarted' podcast offers valuable education for all ages. Julie Lythcott Haines' book provides guidance on adulting and addresses societal issues contributing to young people's struggles.

  Progressive Insurance offers an average savings of $744 for new customers, while the educational podcast "Who Smarted" provides valuable information and entertainment for the whole family. In her book "Your Turn: How to be an Adult," author and former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott Haines offers compassionate guidance for those struggling with adulthood, attributing the challenges faced by young people to societal issues like economic disparities. By acknowledging the systemic causes of these struggles, we can begin to address them on an individual and collective level. Meanwhile, Progressive's savings and "Who Smarted's" educational content offer small yet significant ways to make life a little easier and more enjoyable for families.

• Overprotective environment leaves young people unprepared: Empower young people to learn from mistakes and seek support, allowing them to grow into self-sufficient adults

  Young people today have been raised in an overly protective environment where their mistakes were constantly corrected and decisions were made for them, leaving them unprepared for the higher stakes challenges of adulthood. However, individuals have the power to recognize these obstacles and take charge of their own growth by seeking support and learning from their mistakes. Parents can empower their children by teaching them essential skills and allowing them to make mistakes, rather than trying to perfect them for their own ego. Ultimately, it's essential to remember that young people must learn to be self-sufficient to survive and thrive in life, and parents play a crucial role in facilitating that process.

• Examining our own insecurities to be healthier parents: Parents must heal their insecurities to promote healthy relationships and mutual respect, rather than excessive pressure and one-sided servitude.

  As parents, we often put excessive pressure on our children to be the center of our lives and the reflection of our worth. This can lead to unhealthy dynamics, both on a personal level and on a larger societal scale. We must examine our own insecurities and work on healing them to become healthier parents. The pattern of constant serving and rescuing can set up unrealistic expectations for relationships, making it difficult for children to learn how to communicate and be in healthy relationships with others. It's crucial to remember that love is about mutual respect, communication, and support, rather than one-sided servitude.

• Setting Boundaries with Parents: A Necessary Conversation: Discuss and establish boundaries with parents to promote self-reliance, learning, and personal growth. Use a 6-step method: ask for dedicated time, open with gratitude, express concerns, listen, find common ground, and establish a plan.

  The value of a parent in today's society is often defined by their involvement in their children's academic lives, leading to a dangerous trend of parents doing their children's homework. This trend not only undermines the importance of self-reliance and learning, but it also creates pressure on young adults to maintain this dynamic, making it essential for them to have open and honest conversations with their parents about setting boundaries. The 6-step method advised for such conversations includes asking for dedicated time, opening with gratitude, expressing your concerns, listening to your parents' perspective, finding common ground, and establishing a plan for moving forward. Ultimately, regardless of the dynamics within a family, these conversations are necessary for personal growth and development as humans.

• Asserting agency and independence: Young people can build self-efficacy through action and experience consequences, despite challenges from families or societal pressures. We have the capacity to solve problems and should embrace our agency to reach our goals.

  Young people have the power to assert their agency and independence in their relationships and in their lives, despite challenges from their families or societal pressures. According to psychologist Albert Bandura, the fundamental knowing within the human psyche is our own existence, which is proven through cause and effect. Parents can hinder the natural development of self-efficacy by over-helping or forcing outcomes, but young people can build their agency through action and experiencing consequences. Societal pressures, such as income inequality, systemic racialized violence, climate catastrophe, lack of faith in democracy, and the aftermath of the pandemic, can feel overwhelming, but it's important to remember that we come from a lineage of survivors and have the capacity to solve problems. So, young people should embrace their agency and take action towards their goals, even in the face of adversity.

• Navigating Adulthood: Supporting Young People's Growth: Young generations, including Gen Z and millennials, face unique challenges in adulthood, but fostering independence and addressing personal issues can lead to growth and resilience.

  The younger generations, including Gen Z and millennials, are poised to lead us into a future filled with innovation and progress. Meanwhile, it's essential to acknowledge and address personal issues, such as allergies, that can hinder our quality of life. As for navigating adulthood, it's essential to remember that we're all in this together, and we can learn from each other's experiences. Julie Lythcott Haims, a former dean of freshmen, emphasizes the importance of fostering agency and independence among young people, especially during their first experiences of living away from home. By sharing stories and experiences, they can develop resilience and learn to trust their own abilities. So, whether it's through the support of products like Claritin D or the guidance of mentors like Julie, remember that we all have the power to live our best lives.

• Growing up mixed-race and feeling like an outsider: Adrian's unique background and experiences shaped her compassion for helping young people and her belief that everyone deserves to thrive, despite societal expectations or opinions.

  The experiences of growing up as a mixed-race child in an unwelcoming environment and feeling like an outsider has deeply influenced Adrian's compassion for helping young people today. Adrian's unique background as the child of an African American father and a white British mother gave her a sense of being "out of bounds" and understanding the struggles of those who are discarded or treated as the other. She has learned that even with the best intentions, adults can unintentionally hinder young people's growth. Adrian's own insecurities as a young black woman, despite her desire to help others, led her to seek validation in corporate America. Her experiences have shaped her fierce interest in ensuring everyone can live their lives unfettered by societal expectations or the opinions of others. Adrian's work now focuses on communicating to young people that it's okay not to fit into a perfect box and that everyone deserves the opportunity to thrive.

• Discovering your ikigai: what you're good at, what you love, and who you are: Find a path that aligns with your skills, passions, and identity for a fulfilling and joyful life

  It's essential to find work or a path in life that aligns with what you're good at and what you love. This concept, known as ikigai, encourages asking oneself what one is good at, what one loves, and who one is, then giving oneself permission to be that person. Society often puts pressure on narrow definitions of success, but it's crucial to remember that various paths can lead to rewarding, meaningful, and joyful lives. It's important to consider the advantages of attending less prestigious schools or not following the typical path to success, as there may be deeply satisfying experiences and opportunities available. Ultimately, it's about finding a sense of fit and belonging, where one can be themselves and be valued for who they are. This is a personal and challenging question, but asking it can lead to a more fulfilling and magical enterprise.

• Finding joy in authentic living: Authentic living leads to happiness and fulfillment, not societal expectations or pressures.

  The pursuit of a "brand name" life or career may not lead to happiness and fulfillment. Instead, it's essential to find work and relationships that bring us joy and align with who we truly are. It's important to validate our own choices and not let external pressures or judgments dictate our path in life. The world needs people in various fields, and everyone has the potential to lead a life of joy, even if it doesn't conform to societal expectations. Ultimately, it's crucial to prioritize our own happiness and follow our passions, regardless of what others may think.

• A dedicated team brings you fact-checked, meaningful podcast content: A team of passionate individuals work behind the scenes to create factual, impactful podcast episodes, supported by Odoo and Slack.

  Behind every episode of "How to be a Better Human" podcast, there's a dedicated team working hard to bring you fact-checked, meaningful content. This team includes Julia Dickerson and Mateus Salas, who are passionate about uncovering the truth, and a group of individuals at PRX who are using their lives to help you engage with the podcast. The show is supported by Odoo, an affordable all-in-one management software, and Slack, where businesses grow by streamlining work processes. To engage with the podcast community, leave a review on Apple Podcasts or answer the discussion question on Spotify. The team's commitment to bringing you valuable content is driven by their passion for making a difference in people's lives.