Part 5 of 6: Brené with Ashley and Barrett for the Summer Sister Series on The Gifts of Imperfection

Podcast Summary

• The Importance of Prioritizing Rest and Play: Recognize the importance of rest and play for a balanced, fulfilling life. Let go of the mindset that exhaustion equals self-worth and prioritize time for relaxation and joy.

  Exhaustion and productivity have long been used as status symbols, but it's essential to let go of this mindset and prioritize rest and play instead. During the Sister Strong 6-week series, the Brown sisters, Brene Brown, Ashley Brown, and Barrett Brown, discuss the importance of recognizing where we stand on this issue using the Wholehearted Inventory. Many people struggle with this, including Brene herself, who admits she used to equate exhaustion with self-worth in her thirties and forties. Now, she emphasizes the importance of cultivating rest and play as essential components of a wholehearted life. Similarly, Johanna Ferreira, content director of PopSugar Juntos, encourages us to celebrate our culture, pride, and joy while taking time for rest and relaxation. By prioritizing rest and play, we can reduce anxiety and cultivate calm and stillness, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

• Cultivating Positive Practices and Distinguishing Rest from Numbing Activities: Recognize the difference between rest and numbing activities, prioritize self-care, and make intentional choices for genuine comfort and nourishment.

  Wholeheartedness is not just about eliminating negative behaviors, but also about actively cultivating positive practices. During a discussion, it was acknowledged that exhaustion and productivity can sometimes be used as status symbols, but it's essential to recognize the difference between rest and numbing activities. Self-care, including rest and play, is crucial, but it's necessary to distinguish between activities that bring comfort and those that are numbing. For instance, watching TV can provide joy and connection, but excessive TV consumption can lead to feeling unfulfilled. It's essential to find the balance and make intentional choices that bring genuine comfort and nourishment to our minds and bodies.

• Personal feelings and experiences complicate shared connections: Understanding personal feelings and experiences can help build stronger connections while working through emotional baggage

  Shared experiences, such as watching popular TV shows or reading a book, can create strong connections between people. However, these connections can also be complicated by personal feelings and experiences. For instance, some people may feel left out if they don't share the same interests or if their family background instills a sense of shame around certain activities. In the conversation, Ashley shared her struggle with feeling ashamed of being seen as lazy, which led her to hide her TV watching from her partner. This shame was rooted in her upbringing, where sitting down and doing nothing was seen as unproductive. Understanding and acknowledging these personal feelings and experiences can help individuals build stronger connections with others while also working through their own emotional baggage.

• The importance of intentional rest: Taking time for self-care and intentional rest is crucial for personal well-being and building strong relationships with loved ones, despite feelings of guilt or societal pressures to constantly work.

  Intentional rest is an essential component of a balanced and fulfilling life. The speakers in the conversation shared their experiences of growing up with parents who were always working or resting very little, and how they've come to value the importance of taking time for themselves to recharge. They discussed how they struggle with feeling guilty for wanting personal time, but also how important it is to be present with loved ones when they return home. They shared stories of finding joy and connection through shared activities, like watching TV or playing pickleball, and how these moments can fill their cups and leave them feeling refreshed. They also mentioned the influence of their upbringing and work experiences on their attitudes towards rest, and how overcoming the shame associated with taking time for oneself can be a challenge. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of intentional rest, both for personal well-being and for building strong relationships with loved ones.

• Understanding Individual Vacation Preferences: Respect personal needs and desires for a restful vacation, whether it's a staycation or travel. Prioritize self-care and avoid pressure to meet others' expectations.

  People have different ideas of what constitutes a restful vacation. The speaker shared her experience of feeling pressured to fill every moment on vacation with activities, contrasted with her preference for alone time and access to her own things during a staycation. She also highlighted the importance of being true to one's own needs and desires, as opposed to meeting others' expectations. The conversation also touched upon the differences in travel styles and the impact of companionship on the vacation experience. Overall, the discussion emphasized the importance of understanding and respecting individual preferences and prioritizing self-care during vacation.

• Struggling with Group Vacations: Balancing Personal Needs and Belonging: Understand individual preferences and create spaces where everyone feels comfortable and valued for a more enjoyable vacation experience.

  Everyone has unique preferences and comfort zones when it comes to vacation and social situations. Some people thrive in the chaos of large family gatherings and group activities, while others find peace and belonging in quieter, more solitary pursuits. The speaker in this conversation shares her struggles with asking for what she needs and dealing with feelings of not belonging, which can make it difficult for her to fully enjoy group vacations. Despite these challenges, she values the importance of being true to oneself and worthy of love and belonging, no matter what choices are made. Additionally, the speaker's aversion to flying and large crowds highlights the importance of considering individual preferences when planning vacations and social events. It's essential to create spaces where everyone can feel comfortable and valued, allowing for a more enjoyable and fulfilling experience for all involved.

• Pressure to be social as a child impacts parenting and introversion on the boat: Parents who felt pressure to be social as children may struggle to validate their introverted kids' need for alone time or allow them to prioritize their own interests. Boating experiences can be a source of stress for these parents, as they fear judgment for not being fully present and involved.

  Growing up, the speaker was not allowed to be introverted and felt pressure to constantly be social and engage with others. This experience carried over into her parenting, causing her to struggle with allowing her children to request alone time or prioritize their own interests. When it comes to going on the boat with her family, she feels the need to be present and involved, even if she doesn't want to, due to fear of judgment. The speaker also expressed gratitude for her children having safer boating experiences than she had growing up. To support each other in moments when one might want to opt out of an activity, the speaker suggested simply acknowledging and validating each other's feelings without pushing for further explanation or judgment. This can help create a more understanding and accepting environment for introverted individuals and those who prioritize self-care.

• Benefits of pushing children outside of their comfort zones: Encouraging children to choose challenges can lead to growth and new skills, but it's crucial to ensure the experience is their choice and supportive, not intimidating or scary.

  Pushing children outside of their comfort zones can be beneficial, but it's important to ensure that the experience is truly the child's choice. Parents should avoid scaring or intimidating their children, as this can lead to negative consequences. Instead, they should encourage and support their children as they face challenges and learn new skills. The speaker emphasized the importance of healthy pushing and shared a video of children choosing to ski down a slope as an example of this concept in action. The speaker also highlighted the value of therapy in helping children navigate uncomfortable situations and emphasized the importance of boundaries and trigger warnings when sharing such content. Overall, the conversation underscored the importance of fostering a supportive and encouraging environment for children as they grow and learn.