#shame

What got you through the hardships of your childhood?

When Tammica Dowd was young and living in a group home, at times she’d be locked in a closet by a counselor. In order to keep her mind strong and pass time, she envisioned what she wanted for her future.

-Graduate high school.

-Marry her dream guy.

-Have five children who’d never go through what she went through.

-Go to Maui.

-Win a Grammy.

All her goals but one were achieved! (But don’t count her out for that Grammy.)

She did not see divorce coming. 

Now, as a single mother of five young children, she has advice and experience to share, including how helping her children through life events has allowed for personal healing.

Sometimes healing comes with helping someone through the experience that caused our trauma. 

Join me and Tammica Dowd, as she speaks to the shame of single motherhood.

Tammica’s blog 

Tammica’s Instagram

Find Tammica on Clubhouse: @tammicadowd

Join Tammica on Pinterest

Tammica’s Twitter

For questions regarding the show, or discussion on previous episodes, please contact em@helloemilystearman.com
Added August of 2022: WOW. Speaking to Shame has GROWN! I am floored and humbled and weepy. What a journey this has been! As the podcast grows, so too do my abilities to share incredible stories and people with you. As my time investments increase, so does my need for support. If Speaking to Shame has ever helped you feel seen, I’d be honored if you donated ANY amount to the show. Here’s to continued healing. 🧡
DONATE HERE 

LOOK AT YOU, HEALING YOUR SHIT! ✨🧡
If you've found support or connection through STS, you can show your thanks by donating and sharing the podcast with your friends!
FIND ME: Instagram, TikTok

Judgment is hard to avoid and is in fact one of our oldest mental patterns. Our minds want to look at this as black and white, good and bad, yes and no, but it's not that simple. We are complex and so is our pain. In this episode, we dive deeply into the shadow of judgment and where it comes from. We reflect on our own pain, the mirror of judging others and situations, and are encouraged to feel what is really coming up at the moment of judgement. I talk about hard personal stories of how judgement caused much pain in my life and how I'm working towards overcoming the thought patterns that create it. Finally, we learn about loving-kindness and participate in a guided Metta meditation practice. Thank you so much for listening, subscribing, and leaving a review. I hope you enjoy and see you next time! 

Website: https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

             Chloe@downwithmydemons.com

Studies on memory inaccuracy 

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00703/full

Brene Brown

https://brenebrown.com/

Idiot Compassion

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/12/idiot-compassion/

“People’s opinion of you is none of your business. Nor should you make it yours” -Steve Harvey

Metta Meditation Affirmations:

1. I am worthy of all the love in the world
2. I am loved and supported in my humanness
3. May all beings be happy
4. May all beings be free from suffering

https://www.healthline.com/health/metta-meditation#benefits

In Episode 75, Deepa Purushothaman, author of THE FIRST, THE FEW, THE ONLY: How Women of Color Can Redefine Power in Corporate America, joins Melinda to discuss the structural and cultural dynamics of what women of color are experiencing in the workplace, how women can get comfortable sitting in positions of power, and why it’s important to shift away from a scarcity mindset to allow more women of color a seat at the table.

Bio: About Deepa Purushothaman (she/her)

Deepa Purushothaman is the co-founder of nFormation which provides a brave, safe, new space for professional women of color. Deepa is also a Women and Public Policy Program Leader in Practice at the Harvard Kennedy School.

Prior to this, Deepa spent more than twenty years at Deloitte and was the first Indian American woman to make partners in the company’s history. Deepa was also Deloitte’s national WIN (Women’s Initiative) leader, the firm’s renowned program to recruit, retain, and advance women.

Deepa has degrees from Wellesley College, Harvard Kennedy School, and the London School of Economics. Deepa is an Aspen Fellow and speaks extensively on women and leadership. She has been featured at national conferences and in publications including Bloomberg BusinessWeek, and Harvard Business Review.

Find Leading With Empathy & Allyship useful? Subscribe to our podcast and like this episode!

For more about Empovia, and to join us for our monthly live event, visit https://ally.cc. There, you’ll also find educational resources and highlights from this episode.

Connect With Deepa Purushothaman On Social

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/deepapuru

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/deepa.purushothaman.75

Twitter https://twitter.com/deepapuru

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deepa.puru

Connect With Us On Social

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Production Team

Creator & Host: Melinda Briana Epler

Finance & Operations: Renzo Santos

Marketing Communications Coordinator: Christina Swindlehurst Chan

Creative Director @ Podcast Rocket: Rob Scheerbarth

[Image description: Leading With Empathy & Allyship promo with the Empovia logo and photos of Deepa Purushothaman, an Indian woman with black hair who is wearing a white long-sleeve shirt, resting her chin on her hand, and smiling at the camera; her orange, red, and pink book cover for ‘THE FIRST, THE FEW, THE ONLY’; and host Melinda Briana Epler, a White woman with red hair, glasses, and an orange shirt holding a white mug behind a laptop.]

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness.

I heard this common phrase often growing up in a Christian household. I’m sharing another perspective of this old time saying bringing it a new age flair.


Check out our newest personal development tools available at Amazon and www.TalkOnTopicz.com/shop

 Book you 30 minute half an hour of power with me at www.TalkOnTopicz.com > our classes 

Thank you, CoachLO

A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. 

An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. 

Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.

Influences:

• Family environment,
• Ability/disability
• Attitudes of peers
• Social media
• Cultural background  

Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.

How to prevent body image issues as a parent:

Psychologists Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver 1997 study said that what gives us self-esteem (the opposite of shame) isn’t a terrific outfit or success, it’s forming and maintaining relationships which makes people feel sure of their value. 

• Talk to your teenager about images in social media. Help them to see how fake they are and how digital manipulation is rife, also how everyone doesn’t look like that. 
• Praise your teenager for what they can do, not what they look like. 
• Sharing the knowledge that shame is a normal experience helps the teenager feel that they aren’t alone. 
• Be kind to yourself. Expecting perfection from ourselves makes us expect it from others. 
• Be proud of things about yourself that aren’t about your appearance.
• Avoid negative talk about your diet/crash diets.
• As a parent, be proud of what your body can do.

What to look out for:

• The teenager belongs to a group that insists on a certain body type.
• Perfectionism.
• Continually comparing their body to someone else.
• Not wanting to leave the house, or try new things, because of the way they look.
• Obsessing about weight, or a part of their body.
• Spending a lot of time looking in the mirror for imperfections.
• Linking food with feelings of guilt or shame.
• Strange eating habits.

What to do

• Talk with your child about what you’ve noticed. Don’t dismiss it.
• There are some excellent self-help books. 
• Seek professional help early. 

Resources:

https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teens
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor 
I Thought it was just me by Brené Brown

Chores: 

Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.

The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. 

• Assign tasks ahead of time, weekly/daily, whether using a formal chart or an informal agreement. 
• Show them how to do it.
• Don’t take over when they make a mess, or are too slow. Help them establish their

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

❓Where did the shame you carry come from? 

❓Are you giving it away?

❓Is shame being passed down in your family?

These and so many other things are what Erika teaches us about on this week's Speaking to Shame episode! 

Erika Nordfelt has been a licensed professional counselor for eight years. She’s CEO of Greenstone Counseling in Rexburg, Idaho. Erika has always been a people person and feels very honored to help others with their most personal struggles. She believes all people are trying the best they can and honors being a part of the vulnerable and brave parts of people's stories.
Her website. Find her on Instagram.

Here to remind you who you were before shame said you weren’t enough.

em@helloemilystearman.com or Em's instagram.

Added August of 2022: WOW. Speaking to Shame has GROWN! I am floored and humbled and weepy. What a journey this has been! As the podcast grows, so too do my abilities to share incredible stories and people with you. As my time investments increase, so does my need for support. If Speaking to Shame has ever helped you feel seen, I’d be honored if you donated ANY amount to the show. Here’s to continued healing. 🧡
DONATE HERE  

LOOK AT YOU, HEALING YOUR SHIT! ✨🧡
If you've found support or connection through STS, you can show your thanks by donating and sharing the podcast with your friends!
FIND ME: Instagram, TikTok

It’s 2022 and time to start having the difficult conversations.

Earlobes, Encanto, Applebee’s Wonton Tacos, and compliments are all part of today’s episode!

Reminder: Your worth is untouchable!

Second reminder: You’re incredible!

Speaking to Shame is hosted by Emily Stearman. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, or email me em@helloemilystearman.com

Added August of 2022: WOW. Speaking to Shame has GROWN! I am floored and humbled and weepy. What a journey this has been! As the podcast grows, so too do my abilities to share incredible stories and people with you. As my time investments increase, so does my need for support. If Speaking to Shame has ever helped you feel seen, I’d be honored if you donated ANY amount to the show. Here’s to continued healing. 🧡
DONATE HERE 

LOOK AT YOU, HEALING YOUR SHIT! ✨🧡
If you've found support or connection through STS, you can show your thanks by donating and sharing the podcast with your friends!
FIND ME: Instagram, TikTok

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🎉

Or,  happy Friday?

Whichever way you lean, remember this: 

You really, truly, honestly can focus on existing in a way that is meaningful to you. 

Join me for the first STS episode of 2022! 🙌 Connect with me on Instagram  or email me: em@helloemilystearman.com

Added August of 2022: WOW. Speaking to Shame has GROWN! I am floored and humbled and weepy. What a journey this has been! As the podcast grows, so too do my abilities to share incredible stories and people with you. As my time investments increase, so does my need for support. If Speaking to Shame has ever helped you feel seen, I’d be honored if you donated ANY amount to the show. Here’s to continued healing. 🧡
DONATE HERE 

LOOK AT YOU, HEALING YOUR SHIT! ✨🧡
If you've found support or connection through STS, you can show your thanks by donating and sharing the podcast with your friends!
FIND ME: Instagram, TikTok

Another week, more shame to speak to! 📣

This episode is full of straightforward and easily accessible 🔨tools to aid you in your fight against shame. 

Affirmations are a highly effective and customizable way to support your  healing and growth.

I give a few to you here, with some decent jokes and a pun I'm really proud of! 😂

As always, find me here:
Instagram
TikTok
em@helloemilystearman.com

P.S. Speaking to Shame is celebrating its ONE THOUSANDTH DOWNLOAD. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That’s all I can say. 😭✨🎉🧡

Added August of 2022: WOW. Speaking to Shame has GROWN! I am floored and humbled and weepy. What a journey this has been! As the podcast grows, so too do my abilities to share incredible stories and people with you. As my time investments increase, so does my need for support. If Speaking to Shame has ever helped you feel seen, I’d be honored if you donated ANY amount to the show. Here’s to continued healing. 🧡
DONATE HERE 

LOOK AT YOU, HEALING YOUR SHIT! ✨🧡
If you've found support or connection through STS, you can show your thanks by donating and sharing the podcast with your friends!
FIND ME: Instagram, TikTok

Listen and share this dynamic conversation with Clifton Uckerman! Clifton is no stranger to the Forward Promise family as he is one of our beloved Fellow alums from the inaugural cohort of the Forward Promise Fellowship for Leaders. Additionally and most importantly, perhaps, Clifton is a Neuro-Psychotherapist With an Evolutionary Medicine Perspective and Medical Approach who tirelessly advocates for exceptional clinical services for people overcoming mental health and addiction problems within the socio-political and cultural systems that influence or exasperate the symptoms of those affected. He is on a crusade and life-mission to empower others to #HealGrowThrive in ways he also has been able to in all of his personal and lived experiences.

As part of the competent leadership team at Altium Health, located in Utah, Clif is striving to forward the promise; that all who are receiving services are treated without stigmas and stereotypes and individually with love, respect, and dignity. Clif believes in the re-humanization of persons in recovery from the often destructive effects of trauma, shame, and loss & grief; a triangle-cycle and recipe for the pain-avoidance, reward-seeking behaviors we see as addiction.

The views and opinions expressed by our guest do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Forward Promise, The Moriah Group, or its employees. 

Sexual shame:

Many people silently struggle with shame widely developed in their early stages of childhood; while others may have adopted this struggle in their adult lives living with shame centered around their sexuality in secrecy. 

In early childhood the type of shame that’s created might look like a parent fussing (shaming) you for wanting seconds after dinner. 

Insinuating you’ve had enough to eat, and that eating more will either lead you to obesity, being unattractive, or some other identity you don’t desire to obtain. 

As an adult this may look like an individual developing a weight issue, or a complex around eating, your body image, etc.…

As an adult continually being rejected by a partner without communication or understanding can create resentment, insecurity and/or shame.

What we don’t talk about we accept as true, we normalize , we deem it acceptable.

No one ever wants to discuss the truth because we are fearful of what the truth will yield as a result… But what if you took your power back and decided not to hold off what you can learn and have today for tomorrow.

Tomorrow isn’t here, but today is.

Learn to make your experiences count by getting what you want, by taking initiative, speaking up, and sharing yourself with others.

Break the influences of your past.
Break the attachment to sexual experiences that were toxic, unhealthy and traumatic.
Let me help you, heal you.✨✨

I am your thinking Partner 🤝

Free daily discovery calls ~ Book Now 

My name is Coach Lo🖐🏾

Check Out my free Masterclass Your Change can start today❗️
Www.Talkontopicz.com

Subscribe Now❗️❗️❗️

TalkOnTopicz🧠

#learn #live #shame #free #take #action  #steps #booknow #linkinbio #change #with #coachlo #talkontopicz

This is shame 2.0 for Nat and Bec as they encounter technical difficulties the first time around. For this second time through they dig even deeper into the nuances of guilt, embarrassment and guilt. They discover that Nat is a bit of a rebel and takes an alternative stance whenever she can. Bec feels like her shame is rooted in being "too much." They both muse about how the church upbringing has potentially contributed to feelings of shame. Nat suggests adopting her husband's notion of putting a metaphorical arm around our younger selves and our selves in the present, as a way to release some of the "bad" feelings.

We love hearing from our listeners! Leave us a voice message, write to the show email, or send us a DM on any of our socials.

If our conversations support you in your own reframing practice, please consider a donation on our Patreon, where you can also hear bonus episodes, or tipping us on Ko-fi. Subscribe to the Reframeables Newsletter. Follow us on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube too.

In this interview on Listen Then Speak, which is a little over 30 minutes you'll learn:

• His interest in stories and desire to tell them 
• Insights on marketing and sales (from a personal standpoint)
• What your story can do for your audience 
• Developing learning tools that lead to actionable items in an affective manner
• The benefit of vulnerability through telling your story 
• The importance of journalling during the journey
• How exposing shaming things can strip them of their power 
• The benefits of mental health  through vulnerability 
• The freedom of not being hampered by the fear of others opinions ...and SO much more!

Dr. Tammy and Shadeen Francis, LMFT dive in deep to discuss everything from millennials, to pleasure, shame, racism and how the choices we think we are making have most often been chosen for us...

IMPORTANT NOTE: This episode was recorded before the murders of George Floyd and Rayshard Brooks. While these horrific events are not directly addressed, Shadeen Francis does help to explain how historical, societal beliefs and the institutions we have created, perpetuate racism, sexism, heteronormativity, fear and shame. If you are struggling with recent events, please contact us. We are here to help.

DR. TAMMY WANTS TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS about Sex, Love & Relationships and help you with your Trouble with Sex. Send your questions to drtammy@thetroublewithsex.com.

PROMO CODES & DEALS!

DAME PRODUCTS
IT'S TIME FOR PLEASURE!  Enjoy solo play or enhance sex with your partner with Toys from DAME. Visit dameproducts.com/troublewithsex and type in promo code DRTAMMY at check out for 15% OFF your order!

GUEST BIO:
Shadeen Francis, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author that specializes in sex therapy and social justice. She has been featured on numerous platforms like 6abc, CBC, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post to share her unique expertise on relationships and wellness. Because of her ability to tackle difficult subjects with warmth and humor, she is sought internationally to speak on topics such as sexual self-esteem, building intimacy, and boundary negotiation. Whether in her office, on television, or at a community event, all of Shadeen’s work is inspired by her commitment to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure.

THE TROUBLE WITH SEX RESOURCES, REFERENCES & INFO
· To read more about how to improve your sex life, check out Dr. Tammy's Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together.

· Learn more about love, marriage, monogamy and how to redefine your commitment to each other in Dr. Tammy's TEDX talk - The New Monogamy - or her book by the same name.

 ·  Want more Dr. Tammy?  Read: The New Monogamy, When You're the One Who Cheats  and Getting the Sex You Want.

Follow us on Instagram @thetroublewithsex and doctor_tammynelson.

What you will discover:

How unresolved trauma is recreated through family systems, which bleeds into organizational and political systems.

When we are threatened by another party or person, we struggle to locate the reality, cultivate present awareness, and create strong leadership.

When all our energy is going towards fighting unseen wars, we unconsciously create more massive battles.

The brain science of the Swing Voter and why we ALL need to become a Swing Voter for optimal brain health and organization. No more drama and trauma. No more attacking the other side. 

Visit podcasts here.  

We all worry in some ways. Many of us have big worries, others of us have smaller worries.

Many of us work to get rid of worry by over drinking, overeating, please pleasing, or avoiding. This only keeps the cycle of worry in play.

On the other side of worry is some really important information that you are going to want to access if your are planning to create the life you really want.

Instead of managing worry, we need skills to locate how worry is servicing us.

Worry is an emotion that invites examination. When we wake up to worry, we can awaken a part of us that is starving to become more fully expresses, seen, and unleashed.

Stay connected and get into our next life skills program HERE

What You Will Discover:

This is the 3rd Part of the Series.

When you are stuck in the past, you are locked away from your Creative Self System.

You are surviving sensations versus learning to belong to new sensations.

The Creative Self is the Part of us that can capture our freedom, the freedom to move, belong, and commit.

This Part of us integrates wholeness and peace.

This Part of us cultivates wellness by accessing the energy of joy, love, and harmony. , clears space from the Tangled Self system to locate attunement, and restore trust.

A creative technique to learn yourself into a new relationship that harmonizes your purposeful life.

I will teach you tips on how to access your Creative Self to expand connectedness, to play a little bit more, and take a creative risk.

To Learn About Our Life Skills Program visit: www.untangleandthrive.com/program

What You Will Discover: 

The Organizer Self is the part of us that WAKES up to present reality, clears space from the Tangled Self system to locate attunement, and restore trust. 

A creative technique to dissolve your mismatched message, unwind from it, and learn yourself into a message that harmonizes your purposeful life.   

I will teach you tips on how to strengthen your Organizer Self by untangling a stressed, disorganized relationship in your life. 

To Learn About Our Life Skills Program visit: www.untangleandthrive.com/program