Podcast Summary
Exploring Emotional Acceptance Through Personal Experiences: Emotional acceptance is acknowledging all emotions as valid and working through them, not ignoring or ranking them.
It's natural to experience difficult emotions and challenging experiences in life, and the first step towards dealing with them effectively is emotional acceptance. Authors and coaches Molly West Duffy and Liz Fosslien, who have advised and coached leaders and founders at companies including Google, Casper, and LinkedIn, wrote the books "No Hard Feelings" and "Big: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay." They wrote "No Hard Feelings" to explore how to handle emotions at work, but after going through their own personal struggles, they pitched the idea for "Big" in January 2020. Initially, their editor was hesitant about the idea, but after the pandemic started, they saw the need for a book about dealing with difficult emotions. The authors found it helpful to read other people's stories about working through big feelings, and their book offers a similar perspective. They emphasize that emotional acceptance is not about ranking emotions or ignoring challenging ones, but acknowledging that all emotions are valid and can be worked through. The authors' previous book, "No Hard Feelings," also emphasizes emotional acceptance, but "Big" is a more personal exploration of the topic, drawing from their own experiences.
Understanding emotions as signals of what matters to us: Anger signals deep care and can be managed healthily for greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence
That emotions, including difficult ones like anger, are not inherently good or bad. Instead, they are signals that something matters to us. Understanding this perspective can help us reframe our relationship with emotions and find the usefulness in even the most challenging experiences. For instance, anger can indicate that we care deeply about something and that it has been violated. By recognizing this, we can learn to express and manage anger in healthy ways. This shift in perspective can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence. The authors of the book "Big Magic" explored various emotions through research and personal experiences, and the process of writing the book and undergoing therapy helped the author gain a new perspective on anger and its role in her life. This insight led her to explore the sources of her fear of anger and learn to express and manage it in a more productive way.
Exploring the Complexities of Emotions: Embrace your emotions, including difficult ones, for self-growth. Self-reassurance and healthy expression are key. Everyone's emotional spectrum is unique.
Our emotions, including difficult ones like anger, sadness, and fear, are natural and essential parts of the human experience. We learned early on that some emotions are negative and should be suppressed, but this can hinder our ability to fully process and express these feelings as adults. The speaker shares her personal experience of growing up with parents who divorced when she was young and how this shaped her relationship with anger and fear. She emphasizes the importance of self-reassurance and acknowledges that everyone's emotional spectrum is different. The speaker also highlights the potential benefits of accessing and expressing anger, as it can lead to agency and a sense of release. Overall, the book encourages readers to explore their emotions in a non-judgmental way and to find healthy ways to express and process them.
Understanding the Role of Emotions: Emotions serve important functions in our lives, and it's harmful to judge them as good or bad. Understanding their purpose can help us navigate various situations and learn from past experiences. Structural forces can also impact emotional states.
Emotions, while not inherently positive or negative, serve important functions in our lives. Anger can motivate us to take action, and regret can help us learn from past mistakes. However, it's harmful to blame oneself for feeling emotions or to believe that one's feelings are more intense than others'. Emotions are a natural response to various situations, and they serve a purpose in our survival. For instance, anxiety protects us from potential dangers. It's essential to understand the function of our emotions rather than judging them as good or bad. Additionally, structural forces, such as work environments, can contribute to emotional states like burnout, which is not the employee's fault. Lastly, recognizing that others experience similar emotions can lead to valuable learning opportunities.
Defining self-worth beyond productivity: Allow self-worth to extend beyond productivity, find value in existence and comforting others.
Our self-worth should not be solely defined by our productivity or ability to meet external expectations. The speaker shares her personal experience of grappling with self-criticism and self-compassion during a period of deep depression. She learned that even when she couldn't meet her own high standards, she was still a valuable human being. The speaker also mentions a technique suggested by a therapist, which is to imagine bringing comfort to others simply by existing in the world. A quote from an unknown author, "Now that we no longer have to be perfect, we can be good," emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to be imperfect and finding worth in being present and bringing comfort to others.
Sharing emotions and stories leads to deeper connections: Opening up about emotions and experiences can create deeper connections and lead to unexpected support and understanding.
Sharing personal stories and emotions, even for private individuals, can lead to unexpected benefits. The act of opening up can help others feel less alone and create deeper connections. For the speaker, writing a book forced her to confront her past and share her experiences, leading to unexpected support and understanding from unexpected sources. Even in less formal settings, such as therapy or podcasts, discussing emotions openly can lead to greater emotional acceptance and honesty. While not everyone may have the opportunity to write a book or start a podcast, finding safe spaces to share emotions and stories can be valuable for personal growth and building stronger relationships.
Practicing emotional granularity for better understanding and communication: Expressing emotions with specific words can lead to deeper connections and improved communication. Take time to reflect and find the right words to express your feelings.
Expressing emotions in a clear and granular way is essential for both personal and professional growth. This means going beyond broad labels like "stressed" or "anxious" and instead using specific words to describe our feelings. This practice, known as emotional granularity, can help us better understand ourselves and communicate effectively with others. It requires taking the time to reflect on our emotions and finding the right words to express them. This may involve journaling, talking to a therapist, or simply excusing ourselves from a conversation to gather our thoughts. While it may seem challenging at first, the benefits of emotional granularity are significant. It can lead to deeper connections in personal relationships and improved communication in professional settings. By becoming more aware of and articulate about our emotions, we can build stronger bonds with others and better navigate the challenges of everyday life.
Reflect on emotions before reacting improves relationships and reduces anxiety: Reflecting on emotions before reacting can improve relationships and reduce anxiety by allowing effective expression and preventing defensive responses. Identify controllable issues and take action to address them to manage anxiety and improve emotional well-being.
Taking a moment to reflect on your emotions before reacting can significantly improve relationships and reduce anxiety. This skill allows you to express your feelings effectively without triggering defensive responses. Anxiety often stems from fear of the unknown and loss of control. To manage anxiety, it's essential to identify what is within and beyond your control and address controllable issues when possible. Practicing emotional granularity, or examining specific sources of anxiety, can reveal that many fears are based on unlikely or minor events. By focusing on what is within your control and taking action when possible, you can reduce anxiety and improve overall emotional well-being.
Gaining a broader perspective to manage anxiety: Imagery, books on Buddhism, podcasts, and reliable health resources can help manage anxiety and find peace in the moment.
Developing perspective and appreciation can be effective ways to manage anxiety and find peace in the moment. The speaker uses visual metaphors, such as imagining leaving Earth's orbit or gazing at the vastness of the universe through the James Webb Telescope, to help gain a broader perspective. Reading books on Buddhism and listening to podcasts like the Doctor John Delaney Show are also sources of practical advice and inspiration. The importance of long-term health also comes up, with the recommendation of the ZOE Science and Nutrition podcast as a reliable resource for separating fact from fiction. Overall, these practices and resources can help us navigate the challenges of daily life and find a greater sense of well-being.
Understanding the importance of letting go: Recognizing that we can't control every situation can help reduce stress and improve wellbeing. Trusting in ourselves and others, and focusing on what we can control, can lead to a simpler, more relaxed life.
While we may crave control in our lives, understanding that we can't predict or control every situation can help us relax our attachment to it. Listening to the ZOE Science and Nutrition podcast, which provides science-based information to make healthier choices, can be a helpful resource. Additionally, acknowledgement and reassurance from trusted individuals that we are capable and have support can also help alleviate the need for excessive control. Anne Lamott's metaphor of having "sticky fingers on the steering wheel" illustrates how our desire for control can sometimes make our lives more complicated. By recognizing the importance of letting go and trusting in ourselves and others, we can reduce the pressure to control every aspect of our lives. The ZOE Science and Nutrition podcast and OneSkin's simple skincare solutions are two tools that can help us focus on what we can control, while also providing valuable knowledge and self-care.
Recognize when you're becoming overwhelmed and take a step back: To cope with stress in creative endeavors, recognize signs of overwhelm, lean on support, and regain perspective.
We often create unnecessary stress in our lives by setting unrealistic rules and expectations for ourselves. This can be particularly true in creative endeavors, where the desire to produce high-quality work can outpace our ability to do so. To cope with this, it's important to recognize when we're becoming overwhelmed and take a step back to reassess the situation. This might involve delegating tasks, seeking support from others, or even considering medication if anxiety becomes debilitating. A helpful metaphor for this is "leaning into the rope," which means trusting that we're supported even when we feel anxious or uncertain. By taking a moment to look at the bigger picture and find a comfortable space, we can regain perspective and continue moving forward with renewed energy and focus.
Myths and Complexities of Mental Health Medications: People's anxiety levels remain consistent despite risk changes, and mental health terms like 'burnout' have distinct types. Understanding these nuances can lead to more informed perspectives on mental health.
Our relationship with mental health medications and the myths surrounding them can be complex. While there are valid concerns about side effects and personal comfort, it's important to remember that for some individuals, these medications can bring significant relief. The myth that our anxiety accurately reflects the risk was discussed, with research showing that people's anxiety levels remain similar even when the actual risk changes. Additionally, burnout, a term often used casually, actually has different types. Understanding these nuances can help us approach mental health issues with a more informed perspective.
Recognizing Burnout: Beyond Overwork: Burnout can stem from feelings of disconnection, ineffectiveness, and apathy towards work. Early signs include a desire to get sick, finding basic activities overwhelming, and irritation towards everyone and everything. Prevent burnout by acknowledging feelings and taking breaks without self-judgment.
Burnout is a complex issue that goes beyond feeling overworked or extended. It can also stem from feelings of disconnection, ineffectiveness, and even apathy towards work that was once enjoyed. Burnout can be hard to recognize as it often creeps up gradually, and by the time we realize it, we may be in a state of exhaustion. Some early warning signs include a desire to get sick, finding basic activities overwhelming, and irritation towards everyone and everything. It's essential to be aware of these signs and take preventative measures before burnout becomes debilitating. Even when we love our work, it's possible to experience burnout. In such cases, it's essential to acknowledge our feelings and take a break without self-criticism or judgment. Burnout is a common experience, and it's essential to talk about it more openly to raise awareness and prevent it from becoming a significant issue.
Burnout isn't just about work hours or stress, it's about taking on too much: Recognize your limits, set realistic rules, communicate them, and acknowledge emotional burnout, even when blessed and privileged.
Burnout is not just about working long hours or being in high-stress jobs. It can also happen when we take on too many things, even if they bring us joy. The speaker shares her personal experience of burnout despite working for a great company, traveling, and writing a book. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and setting realistic rules for oneself, such as scheduling breaks and being diligent about calendars. Burnout is an ongoing process that requires constant attention and adjustments, much like dealing with plaque or oil changes. It's essential to recognize our limits and communicate our rules to others, who will respect them. The key is to be thoughtful about extending ourselves and acknowledging the emotional aspect of burnout, even when we feel blessed and privileged in our roles.
Universal Experience of Burnout: Burnout is common, whether from work or personal life. Comparison can help identify desires but also lead to negative feelings. Extend compassion to ourselves and others.
Burnout is a universal experience, regardless of the source, be it work or personal life. Even when we love what we're doing, such as raising children, the challenges can still leave us feeling drained and overwhelmed. Comparing our experiences to others can be tempting, but it's important to honor and validate our own struggles while acknowledging the challenges faced by others. Molly, the author of the book on burnout, shares that comparison can be a helpful tool in identifying our desires, but it can also lead to negative feelings and feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, it's crucial to extend compassion to ourselves and others, recognizing that suffering is a shared human experience.
Understanding Emotions and Social Media: Recognizing emotional responses to social media can lead to self-awareness and personal growth. Anger can be a healthy emotion, and exploring its root causes can reveal underlying emotions. Practicing introspection and embracing vulnerability can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Being aware of our emotions and understanding their root causes can help us navigate through difficult feelings and improve our overall well-being. Social media can serve as a barometer for our mood, and recognizing our emotional responses to it can lead us to important insights about ourselves. Anger, for instance, can be a healthy emotional response to various challenges in life. By allowing ourselves to feel and express anger, we can uncover underlying emotions and work through them. It's essential to be curious about our feelings and practice introspection, as this process can lead to profound personal growth. Overall, embracing vulnerability and openness to our emotions can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Understanding and Accepting Our Emotions: Recognize and accept emotions for what they are, gain insight from them, and embrace uncertainty to reduce stress and anxiety. Learn from others through comparison.
It's important to acknowledge and understand our "big feelings" rather than labeling them as good or bad. Emotions like anger, frustration, and anxiety can provide valuable insights about ourselves and the world around us if we approach them with emotional acceptance and granularity. By getting specific about what we're feeling and where it's coming from, we can better manage and learn from these emotions. Additionally, it's essential to recognize the importance of uncertainty and relinquishing the need for complete control. Life is unpredictable, and trying to control every outcome can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Instead, we should strive for a balance between taking agency in our lives and accepting the inherent uncertainty that comes with it. Lastly, comparison can be a hidden opportunity for growth rather than a source of negativity. By recognizing the unique aspects of our own experiences and learning from others, we can broaden our perspectives and find new ways to approach challenges.
Identify true values and desires using emotional labeling and negative words: Use emotional responses as a compass to understand true priorities, not as a reason to cling to specific lifestyles or external factors.
Emotional labeling and negative words can serve as a compass to help us identify our true values and desires in life. However, it's important not to get attached or clingy to specific lifestyles, jobs, or other external factors. Instead, we can use our emotions as a guide to understand what truly matters to us. This process can be valuable even if we cannot act on every desire or value immediately. The conversation with Molly, author of "Big Feelings," emphasized the importance of vulnerability and self-awareness in identifying our emotional responses and using them to guide us towards our true priorities. To connect with Molly and her work, check out her Instagram account @lizandmolly or her book. If you enjoy the podcast, please consider subscribing, watching on YouTube, or supporting us on Patreon for bonus content.
