Podcast Summary
Dating, gratitude, authenticity: Approaching dating with gratitude and authenticity can lead to more meaningful relationships. Lily Wombel, a feminist dating coach, emphasizes the importance of respectful mindset and self-respect in her new book, 'thank you more please'.
Dating can be a challenging experience for many people, and it's important to approach it with a positive and respectful mindset. Lily Wombel, a feminist dating coach and founder of Date Brazen, shares her insights on how we are socialized around dating and the power of gratitude and authenticity in finding meaningful relationships. Her new book, "thank you more please," offers valuable advice for those looking to navigate the dating scene while staying true to their values. Whether you're currently dating or happily partnered, this book is worth checking out for its insightful perspective on romantic socialization and the importance of self-respect. As Cara Lowenthal, the host of Unfuck Your Brain, notes, it's crucial to show the dating industry and businesses that there's a demand for smart, respectful, and authentic dating advice. So, if you're looking to improve your dating life or simply want to support a feminist entrepreneur, be sure to check out Lily's book.
Limiting beliefs in relationships: Internalized beliefs and societal conditioning can lead women and femmes to settle for less than ideal relationships, but recognizing and challenging these beliefs can help break the cycle and lead to fulfilling, authentic relationships.
Societal conditioning and internalized beliefs can lead women and femmes to settle for less than ideal relationships, often unconsciously. The speaker's personal experience of being a successful matchmaker while in a toxic relationship highlights this issue. She was raised in an environment where single women were stigmatized and treated as less than, leading her to believe that settling was the best she could do. This belief was further reinforced by cultural narratives that suggest women need someone else to find them good partners. By recognizing and challenging these limiting beliefs, the speaker was able to break free from the cycle of settling and find a fulfilling, authentic relationship. Her upcoming book, "Thank You More, Please," aims to help others do the same by addressing the ways patriarchal traditions have conditioned us to accept less than we deserve in our dating lives.
Desperation in dating: Historical expectations and societal beliefs can lead to desperation in dating, limiting desires and hindering the ability to attract the best relationships. Focus on creating an intentional and self-aware dating life both online and offline.
The pressure to find a partner and the societal belief that there's a scarcity of good potential mates can lead individuals, particularly women and femmes, to feel desperate and frantic in their dating lives. This stems from historical patriarchal expectations that women should be partnered to signify value. People often limit their desires based on past relationships or societal beliefs, which can hinder them from attracting the best relationships. Dating apps, while ubiquitous, are just tools and can be used effectively with intention and self-awareness to meet new people and learn about one's dating personality. It's crucial to unhook from the belief that a match or message holds significant meaning about one's worth and focus on creating an in-person dating life to complement online dating.
Redefining dating as a feminist: As a feminist, focusing on building a strong relationship with oneself and redefining the meaning of dating can lead to more fulfilling connections through intentional and mindful use of technology.
Technology, including dating apps, can be a powerful tool for connection, but it's important to use it mindfully and intentionally. As a feminist, redefining the meaning of dating and focusing on building a strong relationship with oneself can lead to more fulfilling connections. By owning what we want and asking for it directly, we can revolutionize how we take up space in the world and find the best relationships of our lives. It's crucial to remember that our worth and value are not defined by romantic relationships and that self-trust is essential. Ultimately, the relationship with ourselves should be the foundation for any relationship we seek to build.
Societal Expectations in Relationships: Understanding societal influences and personal beliefs can help us have more fulfilling relationships by focusing on how we want to feel, rather than rigid checklists or societal norms.
Our relationships and the expectations we have for them can be influenced by societal norms and personal beliefs, often leading us to settle or have unrealistic expectations. It's essential to deconstruct these beliefs and focus on how we want to feel in a relationship rather than having a rigid checklist. By getting granular with our language and understanding the difference between logistical and essential preferences, we can have more fulfilling relationships. It's crucial to recognize that societal expectations can impact our beliefs about masculinity, status, and attractiveness, and it's important to unpack these beliefs to have a freer dating life. Ultimately, it's about prioritizing how we want to feel in a relationship and being thoughtful about our desires, rather than conforming to societal norms or unrealistic expectations.
Dating Values: Identifying dating values can guide us in making better choices and building meaningful connections based on shared qualities and compatibility, rather than a checklist mentality.
Feelings in dating are not solely determined by external factors, but rather by our internal thoughts and values. The speaker emphasizes the importance of identifying our dating values, which can guide us in navigating the complexities of relationships and help us make better choices. These values can include qualities like curiosity, fun, and openness, and serve as a clear and succinct language to describe what we're looking for in a partner. By focusing on our values, we can move away from a checklist mentality and instead build meaningful connections based on shared qualities and compatibility. Additionally, the speaker acknowledges that relationships can bring up our deepest insecurities and challenges, and emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-trust in navigating these emotions. Overall, the speaker encourages a more mindful and intentional approach to dating, where we focus on the qualities of the connection rather than the external status or validation that relationships may confer.
Navigating relationship complexities: Unlearning societal conditioning and personal past experiences are crucial for successful adult relationships, which involve continuous learning and growth
The journey of dating and being in a relationship goes beyond just finding someone to make you happy. It involves learning how to navigate the complexities of an adult intimate partnership, which is different from the skills needed for dating. This process includes unlearning societal conditioning and personal past experiences that may influence how we view ourselves and our partners. For some, this shift becomes more pronounced once a person becomes a family member, bringing up a whole new set of challenges. Ultimately, the work of being in a relationship continues throughout one's life, but the good news is that it's not about finding a partner to ensure happiness ever after, as our brains will continue to seek fulfillment regardless.
Limiting beliefs in relationships: Question limiting beliefs around relationships and desires as a feminist, explore your desires, and challenge societal norms promoting misery and self-shrinking for a more joyful and fulfilling dating experience.
It's important to question limiting beliefs around relationships and desires as a feminist. While being content and fulfilled on your own is essential, it doesn't mean you shouldn't want a relationship or partner. Instead, give yourself permission to explore your desires and understand the assumptions behind them. This approach can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling dating experience, free from societal norms that promote misery and self-shrinking. The author encourages readers to challenge these norms and embrace their worth and power as individuals. Her book, which is now available, offers further insights and tools for applying this approach to your love life. Additionally, joining the Feminist Self Help Society can provide individual help and a community to deepen your understanding of these concepts.