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    Nicole Avant ON: Why You Should Let Yourself Cry & Ways to Channel Deep Grief Into Grit and Gratitude

    enOctober 20, 2023
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    Podcast Summary

    • The Power of Showing UpShowing up for others involves genuine connection and goes beyond superficial interactions, serving as a valuable lesson in navigating our own journeys while honoring the experiences and needs of others.

      Showing up for others is a powerful act of service. Nicole Avant's book, "Think You'll Be Happy," emphasizes the importance of honoring the people we love and passing on their teachings and wisdom. Jay Shetty expresses gratitude for Nicole's book and highlights how showing up for someone goes beyond social media likes or surface-level interactions. It involves taking the time and effort to truly connect with others, even when it may be inconvenient or challenging. This reminder serves as a valuable lesson for all of us, as we navigate our own soul journeys and recognize that everyone's experiences and needs are different.

    • The Power of Soul Repair and HealingAcknowledge and embrace the need for soul repair without shame, as it opens the door to healing, growth, and making a powerful impact in the world. Remember, everyone has their own unique journey and mission.

      We need to acknowledge the importance of repairing our souls. Nicole Avant emphasized the significance of understanding that our souls go through times of repair and healing. It's essential to recognize and own the fact that we're in repair without feeling ashamed or hiding it. By allowing ourselves to be in repair, we open the door for healing and growth. Moreover, the conversation about the human spirit and the soul is missing in society, and Jay Shetty's approach to discussing these topics is refreshing and much-needed. We should strive to move past what we do and focus on who we are as individuals. Helping others on their soul evolution and sharing our blessings creates a powerful impact in the world. It's crucial to remember that there is enough success and abundance for everyone as each person has their own unique journey and mission.

    • Making a lasting impact through small gestures of love and care.Showing love and care through simple actions like notes, phone calls, texts, and emails can make someone feel significant and seen, fulfilling our innate desire to be loved and important. Cherish relationships and express love while you can.

      The impact we have on others' lives goes beyond our actions and possessions. It is about how we make people feel. Nicole Avant shares the importance of leaving a positive stamp on humanity through small actions like notes, phone calls, texts, and emails that show love and care. These seemingly simple gestures can mean everything to someone and make them feel significant and seen. The feeling of being loved and important is something we all yearn for. Furthermore, the tragic event of her mother being shot reminds us of the unpredictable nature of life and the importance of cherishing our relationships and expressing our love to others while we can.

    • Finding Strength in the Face of AdversityLife can change suddenly, but by focusing on our inner strength and taking things one moment at a time, we can cope with overwhelming grief and find the courage to step up and take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

      Life can change in an instant, and we must be prepared to adapt and find strength in the face of adversity. Nicole Avant's experience of her mother being shot and ultimately passing away showcases the suddenness and shock that can come with life-altering events. Despite the unimaginable pain and trauma, Nicole found the courage to step up and take care of her family, channeling the strength and resilience of her mother. She realized the importance of focusing on who she wanted to be in that moment, rather than solely focusing on what she needed to do. Through this experience, Nicole learned the power of taking things one minute or even one moment at a time, and the importance of self-check-ins and finding ways to cope with overwhelming grief.

    • Finding Peace and Courage through Intentional ActionsBy consciously choosing positive channels and engaging in healing rituals, we can navigate grief, find clarity, and connect with loved ones even in their absence.

      Finding peace and courage in the face of pain and loss can come from simple but intentional actions. Nicole Avant's ability to navigate her grief was influenced by her mother's belief in the power of vibrations and energy. By consciously choosing to tune into positive channels and embodying qualities such as courage, peace, and helpfulness, Nicole found clarity and strength. She learned that courage isn't about being fearless, but rather taking action despite fear. Nicole also discovered the healing power of rituals, such as listening to her mother's favorite music and indulging in relaxing baths. These practices helped her connect with her mother's essence and fostered a sense of healing and connection.

    • The lasting impact of lost loved ones and the power of honoring their memoryEven after losing someone, their influence can still guide us in shaping a meaningful life, whether by continuing their teachings or choosing a different path.

      Even after losing a loved one, their energy and presence can still be felt. While the physical form may change, the love and connection remain. It is a healing process to engage with their memory, to imagine how they would respond and continue to have an impact on our lives. Honoring our parents, regardless of their behavior, can be achieved by living a full and significant life, using the lessons and tools they have given us, or by choosing to be different and break the cycle of abuse or neglect. Ultimately, we can learn from both positive and negative examples in our lives to shape our own character and actions.

    • Lessons Learned from Interactions with OthersBy observing and learning from our interactions with others, we can choose to be better and more considerate individuals.

      Our interactions with others shape who we become. Nicole Avant shared how her diverse work experiences taught her valuable lessons about human nature. Through jobs like selling shoes and working at a dry cleaner, she witnessed both the best and worst in people. These experiences made her sensitive to how others are treated and influenced her to be kind and engaging towards service workers. Similarly, Avant's stepdaughter, Sarah, learned from her own waitressing experience and now actively shows compassion towards servers. The key lesson here is that by observing and learning from our interactions with others, we can choose to be better and more considerate individuals.

    • The Power of Choice: Embracing Faith, Forgiveness, and HopeBy embracing our power of choice, relying on faith, practicing forgiveness, and finding something to look forward to, we can maintain a positive mindset and overcome challenges in our lives. Grief is a testament to our capacity for love.

      The power of choice is a fundamental aspect of our lives. Despite the challenges and tragedies that we may face, we have the freedom to choose how we live and think. Blaming the creator for the choices people make is not productive or fulfilling. Instead, it is important to rely on faith in something bigger and greater than ourselves. We cannot control everything in the universe, but by accepting and embracing life, we can avoid becoming bitter and stagnant. Forgiveness is a crucial part of this journey, as it allows us to let go of negative emotions and not let them consume us. Looking forward to tomorrow and finding something to look forward to helps us stay hopeful and maintain a positive mindset. Grief is a testament to our capacity for love, and it should be celebrated as such.

    • Shifting our focus from loss to lifeChoose to celebrate the beautiful moments and memories instead of fixating on the end, and shift our focus to the impact our loved ones had in our lives.

      Shifting our focus from the end to the life is essential when dealing with grief. Nicole Avant's mother's death was shocking, but her life was beautiful, and that is what she chooses to celebrate. It is easy for our minds to fixate on the end and the loss, but we have the power to choose what we focus on. Instead of obsessing over the last moments, we can choose to remember the good times and great memories that bring smiles to our faces. It is a choice we must make every day. By shifting our focus to the years of life and the impact our loved ones had, we can move forward with both the pain and the beauty.

    • Turning Tragedy into AdvocacyIn the face of personal tragedy, Nicole Avant's selfless act of advocating for others serves as a powerful reminder to seek justice, show compassion, and strive for positive change.

      In the midst of tragedy and grief, it is important to focus on preventing similar incidents from happening to others. Nicole Avant, despite her own pain and the injustice her family experienced, chose to advocate for the safety and well-being of others. She recognized the potential harm that the perpetrator could cause to other families and made it her purpose to ensure that no one else would go through the same pain. This selfless act of looking beyond personal grievances and seeking justice for others is a powerful demonstration of compassion and empathy. It serves as a reminder to approach difficult situations with understanding and to strive for positive change in the face of adversity.

    • Embracing Hope in the DarknessEven in our darkest moments, finding a glimmer of hope and shifting our perspective can help us find healing and resilience.

      No matter how much darkness we may find ourselves in, there is always a small crack of light to hold onto. Nicole Avant's story exemplifies this, as she faced the trauma and devastation of her mother's death and the subsequent home invasion. Instead of succumbing to the question of "Why me?", she shifted her perspective to "Why not me?" She recognized that bad things happen to good people all the time and that it is part of the human experience. By embracing this truth and finding the small moments of connection and support, Nicole was able to prevent the destruction of her spirit. This serves as a reminder that even in the darkest moments, the tiniest glimmer of hope can guide us towards healing and resilience.

    • Finding Light in the Darkness: Nicole Avant's Journey of Hope and ResilienceActively seeking moments of beauty and connecting with nature during tough times can provide hope and strength to rise again.

      Finding light in the darkness is essential for moving forward. Nicole Avant's story of loss and grief highlights the importance of actively seeking out moments of beauty, even during the toughest times. Despite feeling surrounded by darkness, she intentionally looked for glimpses of light, whether it was sitting in her yard and staring at a flower or watching the sunset every day. Connecting with nature and recognizing the cycles of life provided her with hope and reassurance that she would rise again. This takeaway emphasizes the power of resilience and the ability to find strength in the face of adversity.

    • Honoring Ancestors and Making the Most of Our LivesWe should remember our ancestry, appreciate our rights, and seize opportunities to honor the sacrifices made by our ancestors.

      We have the responsibility to honor our ancestors and the sacrifices they made for us. Nicole Avant's parents instilled in her the importance of using her freedom wisely and appreciating the rights and blessings she has. They taught her that it's not just about the loss and death, but about the art of living and making the most of the dash between the dates. Despite facing Tragedy and adversity, her parents made sure she understood the lessons and the importance of being aware of the world around her. We too can learn from this and remember our ancestry, honor their legacy, and make the most of the opportunities we have.

    • Resilience, Goodness, and Interconnectedness: A Lesson in Overcoming Pain and TraumaDespite differences, we are all interconnected energetically. Being good and refraining from seeking revenge leads to personal growth and renewal, reminding us that we are constantly repairing and renewing ourselves.

      Despite the pain and trauma experienced by different cultures throughout history, there is still a capacity for resilience, goodness, and interconnectedness. Nicole Avant's parents instilled in her a deep appreciation for every culture and the understanding that despite our differences, we are all connected energetically. They taught her the importance of being good and doing good, even in the face of rudeness or injustice. Taking the high road and refraining from seeking revenge not only avoids perpetuating negative energy but also allows for personal growth and renewal. Through her own experiences and emotions, Nicole reminds us that we are all a work in progress, continuously repairing and renewing ourselves along the way.

    • The Healing Power of Crying and Embracing EmotionsCrying is a natural and important way to release and process emotions, allowing for healing and personal growth. It is essential to acknowledge and honor our emotions while supporting others in their grieving process.

      Emotions, including crying, serve a purpose in healing and moving forward. Nicole Avant highlights the importance of crying as a means of releasing emotions and gaining clarity on how certain experiences impact us. Crying allows us to honor and acknowledge our emotions, ultimately leading to healing and growth. Furthermore, Nicole emphasizes that stagnant energy can hinder new energy from entering our lives, highlighting the significance of processing and releasing emotions. This conversation teaches us the importance of embracing our emotions and using them as a tool for self-awareness and healing, while also reminding us to extend love, understanding, and support to those who are grieving.

    • Finding Joy in Dark TimesChoosing gratitude, faith, and joy can provide stability and happiness even in the midst of challenging circumstances.

      Gratitude and faith can help us find joy even in the darkest times. Nicole Avant shares her appreciation for her parents' support and her friends who showed up for her. She emphasizes the power of choosing to be glad and rejoice, even when circumstances don't naturally inspire joy. Nicole's grandmother's prayer, "today is the day the Lord has made and I choose to be glad and rejoice in it," became a mantra for her, giving her a solid platform to stand on during difficult times. Additionally, Nicole's repeated affirmation of standing in her faith helped create stability despite feeling like she was standing on quicksand. Ultimately, this teaches us the importance of gratitude, choice, and faith in finding happiness and healing.

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    • 01:07:00 You Can Do Uncomfortable Things
    • 01:10:16 The Best Journaling Practice
    • 01:14:39 Speak to Your Subconscious
    • 01:16:55 Try Leaning Into the Moment
    • 01:23:27 Relationship Checklist 
    • 01:28:38 Alexis and Allie on Final Five 
    • 01:37:46 Giving Each Other the Grace of Change

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Why Your Unresolved Trauma is Keeping You Stuck & How to Rewire Your Brain to Move Forward with Laverne Cox

    Why Your Unresolved Trauma is Keeping You Stuck & How to Rewire Your Brain to Move Forward with Laverne Cox

    How does unresolved trauma impact your life?

    How can you rewire your brain to overcome trauma?

    Today, in the On Purpose podcast, Jay sits down with actress and LGBT advocate, Laverne Cox. Laverne’s groundbreaking performance on "Orange Is the New Black" made her the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award. In addition to her acting career, Laverne Cox has been involved in various advocacy and awareness campaigns, making her a significant figure in the ongoing struggle for transgender and LGBTQ+ rights. Her work has contributed to greater visibility and acceptance of transgender individuals in the entertainment industry and society at large.

    In this episode, Laverne and Jay dive deep into transgender rights, media representation challenges, and how empathy can make a big difference in our divided world. They also discuss how fake news and false information on the internet can be a problem and why learning how to spot them is crucial. 

    Laverne also shares personal experiences and insights that shed light on the struggles and triumphs of the transgender community. She also talked about the need for structural change, greater investment in education, and the role of love and empathy in promoting understanding and healing. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    • The power of personal stories in changing perceptions and fostering empathy
    • The struggles and rights of transgender individuals in society
    • Ways to challenge and correct misconceptions about transgender individuals
    • The importance of uncomfortable conversations and understanding why having difficult discussions is essential for growth and progress.

    Remember that understanding and empathy can bridge even the widest divides, and it's through collective efforts that we can work toward a more inclusive and compassionate world. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 01:10 Childhood Memories That Define Who Laverne Is Today
    • 10:51 Reparenting Her Inner Child
    • 18:27 Why Is Denial Unhealthy?
    • 25:05 Try To Let Go Of All Your Thoughts
    • 27:43 The Fear and Freedom of Growing Older in Hollywood
    • 31:13 Unlearning Transphobia and White Supremacy
    • 46:06 Fight for Trans Rights and Mental Wellness
    • 59:03 Bridging the Divide Through Thoughtful Conversations

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Robert Greene: How to Deal with Negative People When They Are in Your Family, Friend Circle or Work

    Robert Greene: How to Deal with Negative People When They Are in Your Family, Friend Circle or Work

    How do you deal with negative people close to you?

    How do you stay positive around negative people?

    Today, Jay welcomes Robert Greene, known for his bestsellers like "The 48 Laws of Power" and "The Daily Laws." Robert's works draw on historical figures and events to provide insights into the dynamics of power and social influence. His books are often used as guides for personal development, leadership, and understanding the complexities of human interactions. 

    Robert shares tips on dealing with negative people, emphasizing the importance of emotional distance and understanding that everyone has their flaws and shares his thoughts on the idea that our sense of self is just a mental construct, and real enlightenment comes from letting go of our egos. He also stresses the importance of questioning your beliefs to truly understand who you are and what you’re meant to do in life. 

    Followed by Jay and Robert's discussion on why it's more important to judge people by their character rather than their intelligence or charm, how a strong character is shown by handling criticism well, working well with others, and managing stress. They also talk about how modern life can make us less empathetic and the need to genuinely connect with others. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to deal with negative people

    How to develop empathy in modern life

    How to question your own beliefs

    How to stay true to yourself

    How to handle criticism constructively

    How to manage stress effectively

    By understanding the nature of the self, maintaining emotional distance from negativity, and focusing on genuine connections, we can foster a stronger sense of empathy and authenticity in our lives.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 05:31 How to Deal with Negative People?
    • 09:04 Look Behind the Mask
    • 13:26 Getting Attracted to the Wrong People
    • 15:02 Filling Up the Emptiness
    • 17:23 Surprising Characteristics in Humans
    • 19:10 Our Capacity for Empathy
    • 21:31 What’s Your Most Repeated Thought?
    • 22:34 How Quiet the Mind
    • 24:54 Becoming More Aware
    • 30:20 How We Process What We’re Experiencing
    • 33:42 Who Really Are You?
    • 37:44 How People Think About You
    • 41:00 People’s Perception of You
    • 43:46 The Before and After
    • 46:57 Timeless Knowledge in Books
    • 49:58 What Makes You Excited?
    • 53:16 The Second Self
    • 55:57 The Core of Your Reality
    • 59:21 Limited Language
    • 01:01:41 The Limited Circle of Harmony
    • 01:04:49 Different Thoughts About the World
    • 01:11:04 Slowing Down
    • 01:13:21 Robert on Final Five  

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    4 Ways We Self-Sabotage & 3 Ways to Improve the Relationship We Have With Ourselves

    4 Ways We Self-Sabotage & 3 Ways to Improve the Relationship We Have With Ourselves

    What’s blocking you?

    What’s holding you back?

    Today, Jay talks about the concept of self-sabotage, examining how it manifests in various aspects of our lives and offering strategies for overcoming it. Self-sabotage is defined as behaviors that undermine our own success, happiness, and stated goals. These actions often occur subconsciously, rooted in deep psychological patterns formed during early childhood.

    Jay outlines four primary ways people self-sabotage: chronic lateness, procrastination, putting oneself down, and perfectionism. He also discusses the habit of putting oneself down, which can manifest through over-apologizing or refusing to take credit for accomplishments. This behavior is often linked to low self-esteem or an internalized critical voice from childhood.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to Recognize Self-Sabotage

    How to Stop Putting Yourself Down

    How to Change Negative Self-Talk

    How to Understand Your Triggers

    How to Set Boundaries

    By understanding and working through these patterns, you can unlock your full potential and achieve the success and happiness you desire.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:08 What is Self-Sabotage?

    05:41 Passive-Aggressive Behavior

    08:22 Behavior that Counters What We Tell Ourselves

    11:08 What Leads to Self-Sabotage?

    14:26 #1: Chronic Lateness

    16:22 #2: Procrastination

    19:53 #3: Putting Yourself Down

    23:15 #4: Perfectionism

    27:01 Three Ways to Deal with Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

    28:53 weird noise in the background

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Related Episodes

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    Episode 56:

    On today's show I speak with International Chess Master Keaton Kiewra about life, mindset, collective consciousness, life purpose and chess. Keaton is a multiple state and national chess champion with 2 Grandmaster Norms, an amazing chess instructor, chess author and extremely spiritual. Keaton embodies the intersection of a positive, growth mindset, psychology and chess! We talk meditation, embracing challenges, overcoming obstacles to become the best version of ourselves.

    • Background with Chess Competitions, Psychology, Mindset
    • Coaching & Abundance Mindset
    • Champion Mindset - How to Overcome Challenges & Come Back Stronger & Better
    • "A life without challenges isn't worth living"

    • Achieving a Meditative State & Relaxing our Minds
    • Change - Accepting & Adapting to Change. Identifying Fear of Change.
    • Life Purpose - How to Find Our Life Purpose
    • Inspirations on Spiritual Journey 
    • Love

    Check out IM Keaton's website: https://www.keatonkiewrachess.com/

     

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    The Importance of Having a Positive Mindset to Create New Habits

    The Importance of Having a Positive Mindset to Create New Habits

    Creating habits helps us reach our goals and make improvements in our daily lives. However, some people find it hard to create a new habit and it is even harder to stick to it. They become discouraged before even starting and eventually, they give up. This is because we sometimes think about the setbacks and we lack a positive mindset when we create these habits. 

    In this episode, I discuss the importance of having a positive mindset to create new habits. I share here some tips that I also personally use to stay positive and motivated in my life.

    Listen and learn in this episode!

     

    Episode 60 at a glance…

    •  Giving up easily on a habit
    •  Making little to no progress
    •  Achieving success in any area of your life
    •  Keeping a positive attitude
    •  Setting realistic goals
    •  Celebrating every success
    •  Staying mindful of our language
    •  Visualizing success
    •  Surrounding yourself with positive people

     

    See you on the next episode!




    Get your FREE "2022 Mindful Goal Guide" here:
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    SHIFT YOUR MINDSET FROM FEAR TO FOCUSED

    SHIFT YOUR MINDSET FROM FEAR TO FOCUSED

    Tara and Stephanie expand on the intentional concepts they discussed during last week's podcast about the power of morning routines. Your high vibe hosts elaborate on how they're both using positivity to shift their mentalities from fear to empowerment, while still staying informed and educated about all the craziness going on in America.

    Read the blog and connect with Tara and Stephanie on IG:

    https://msha.ke/unapologeticallyoutspoken/