Podcast Summary
Love vs Desire in Dating: Avoid trying too hard to impress, focusing solely on own needs, and being overly critical to foster deep emotional connections and keep someone's attention in dating
Understanding the difference between love and desire is crucial in the early stages of dating. According to Matthew, love and desire serve distinct functions. Love is what fosters deep emotional connections, while desire is what initially attracts and keeps someone's attention. However, we often make three mistakes that jeopardize both love and desire in the dating process. First, we may try too hard to impress or win someone over, which can come across as insincere. Second, we may focus too much on our own needs and desires, neglecting the other person's feelings. Lastly, we may be overly critical or negative, damaging the connection before it has a chance to grow. By recognizing the importance of both love and desire, and avoiding these common pitfalls, we can increase our chances of forming meaningful and lasting relationships.
Avoiding Surprise and Fear in Early Relationships: Expressing surprise or doubt about someone's interest and frequently expressing fear or worry can undermine trust and make partners feel undervalued. Instead, approach each interaction with respect, openness, and confidence to build a strong foundation of desire and trust.
Our actions and words in the early stages of a relationship can significantly impact desire and ultimately, the success of the connection. Two common mistakes to avoid are: first, expressing surprise or doubt about someone's interest in us, as this can make them feel undervalued and unappreciated. Second, frequently expressing fear or worry about the potential for hurt or betrayal, which can create a dynamic of unequal vulnerability and undermine trust. Instead, it's essential to acknowledge the inherent vulnerability in dating and approach each interaction with respect, openness, and confidence in the value of both partners. By doing so, we can foster a strong foundation of desire and trust that can carry the relationship through to deeper connection and investment.
Balancing vulnerability in dating: Share vulnerability thoughtfully and authentically to build trust and deepen connections, but consider timing and context to avoid power imbalances or unwanted attention.
Vulnerability is essential in dating, but it should be balanced between both parties. If one person consistently puts themselves in a position of vulnerability while the other remains in control, it can lead to a power imbalance and a lack of excitement or engagement in the relationship. Additionally, sharing insecurities or negative aspects of ourselves at inappropriate times can draw unwanted attention to those areas and detract from the overall experience for both parties. Instead, vulnerability should be shared thoughtfully and authentically to build trust and deepen connections. The timing and context of vulnerability are just as important as the act itself.
Focusing on the negative can overshadow the good: Instead of dwelling on small flaws, focus on the positive to fully appreciate the whole picture
Focusing too much on criticizing the small flaws in a movie or a person can overshadow the good parts and limit our ability to fully appreciate them. During a discussion about a movie scene, it became clear that the speaker was overly critical, looking for reasons not to like it, and in doing so, drew attention away from the rest of the movie. This behavior can stem from insecurity and a desire to disarm potential criticism. Comparing the situation to a rap battle, the speaker acknowledged that self-deprecation is a tactic used to disarm critics, but it's not effective in everyday life, especially in dating or friendships. The goal should be to focus on the positive and allow others to have their own interpretations and opinions, rather than trying to knock ourselves down to disarm potential criticism. In essence, it's important to remember that our focus should be on the good, rather than dwelling on the negative. By doing so, we allow ourselves and others to fully appreciate the whole picture.
Don't brainwash your partner with your insecurities: Highlighting perceived shortcomings can negatively impact relationship, aim for vulnerability and authenticity, and focus on positive qualities instead.
While it's natural to want to be accepted and loved for who we are, constantly pointing out our insecurities and flaws to our partners can negatively impact how they see us. It's important to remember that acceptance and desire are not the same thing. If we continually highlight our perceived shortcomings, we risk brainwashing our partners to view us through a certain lens, potentially causing them to question their attraction to us. Instead, we should aim to be vulnerable and authentic, but also recognize and appreciate our own worth. By focusing on our positive qualities and allowing ourselves to be seen as a whole, we increase the chances of forming a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Unconscious communication of perceived value: Our behavior impacts how others perceive our value. Consistently communicating undesirable behaviors can lead to lost interest, but a comprehensive coaching program can help improve confidence and attract value.
Our behavior can unconsciously communicate our perceived value to others. If we consistently behave in ways that suggest we have no value or are undesirable, people may lose interest. However, it's important to remember that we can be charming and vulnerable at times, but the overall pattern of our behavior is what truly matters. If we want to improve our confidence and attract value in our personal and professional lives, including dating, we may benefit from a comprehensive coaching program. The speaker offers a 5.5-day retreat where attendees can work one-on-one with him to transform their lives. The retreat, taking place on May 30th to June 5th, 2023, is a unique opportunity for those seeking personal growth and development. For more information, interested individuals can visit mhretreat.com.
