Podcast Summary
The key to sexual well-being is enjoying the sex you're having: By aligning our brains with our deepest sexual desires, we can have fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experiences.
The key to sexual well-being is not about cravings, frequency, or positions, but rather enjoying the sex you are having. Dr. Mindy Pelz, the host of the Resetter podcast, emphasizes this perspective in her conversation with sex expert Emily Nagosky, who teaches neuroscience behind sex at the university level. The brain's messaging and priorities around sex can influence our sexual desires and experiences. By aligning our brains with our deepest sexual desires, we can have fulfilling and enjoyable experiences, whether with a long-term partner or on our own. This episode of the podcast covers the science of sex, our attitudes towards it, and the factors that influence our sexual appetites and experiences, including orgasms for both men and women. Overall, the message is that sexual well-being is a personal and empowering experience that can be enhanced through understanding and self-awareness.
Embrace your sexuality and understand yourself: Dr. Mindy Pelz's book empowers women to accept their sexuality and reject societal norms, recognizing it's organic and unique to each individual.
Dr. Mindy Pelz's book, "Come as You Are," is a must-read for everyone, not just women, as it confirms that people are not broken and already have everything they need for comfort and joyful sex. The book's title, "Come as You Are," was initially considered not aspirational enough by some publishers, but it's a powerful message for women to embrace their sexuality and understand that they don't need to change to conform to societal norms. Our sexuality is an innate part of being human, and it evolves throughout our lives. Our behaviors and perceptions around sex are often shaped by experiences and messages we receive from a young age, many of which we did not choose. The book aims to give women their sexual power back and help them understand themselves. Sexuality is organic and unique to each individual, and it's important to recognize and embrace it.
Exploring our sexual inheritance: Understanding and addressing deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors, with support from partners, can lead to a fulfilling and loving sexual relationship during menopause.
Our sexuality is like a garden that we inherit from our upbringing and culture, which can contain both beautiful and toxic elements. As adults, we have the opportunity to examine these teachings and choose what aligns with us based on scientific facts. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors can be a challenging process, with some aspects coming off easily and others requiring more effort. It's essential to remember that we're not alone in this journey, as our partners may also need support in letting go of limiting beliefs. The concept of an "accelerator and brakes" is particularly relevant for menopausal women, as hormonal changes can impact sexual desire differently for each partner. By understanding and communicating these differences, we can work together to maintain a fulfilling and loving sexual relationship.
Identifying sexual brakes: Reflect on potential brakes like stress, body image issues, trauma history, and relationship conflict to enhance sexual arousal and fulfillment
Our sexuality functions like a car's accelerator and brakes system. The accelerator notices sex-related stimuli and sends a turn-on signal, while the brakes notice potential threats and send a turn-off signal. Most sex advice focuses on adding stimulation to the accelerator, but in reality, people often struggle due to excessive brakes. Common brakes include stress, body image issues, trauma history, and relationship conflict. Some solutions, like wearing socks to keep feet warm, are simple, while others, like therapy for trauma or cultural messaging, require more time and effort. To identify your own brakes, reflect on what might be preventing you from feeling sexually aroused or fulfilled.
Understanding the mind's role in sexual experiences: Reflecting on past experiences can help identify mental and emotional factors that impact sexual pleasure. Our brains create the context for sexual pleasure, so focusing on these factors can lead to more fulfilling experiences.
The key to improving sexual experiences lies in understanding the complex interplay between the accelerator and the brakes in our minds. These mental and emotional factors can significantly impact our ability to experience pleasure and enjoy sex. While some factors may be intuitive, others can be discovered through reflecting on past experiences. For instance, considering three spectacular and three less satisfying sexual experiences can help identify patterns and reveal what activates our accelerator or hits our brakes. It's essential to remember that sex is primarily a brain activity, and our minds create the context for sexual pleasure. Therefore, focusing on mental and emotional factors, rather than just the mechanics, can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experiences. Additionally, research shows that people with spinal cord injuries can still experience orgasms, further emphasizing the importance of the brain in sexual response.
Prioritizing Sexual Connection in Relationships: Extraordinary sex often occurs in long-term, monogamous relationships where sexual connection and satisfaction are prioritized, not just constant desire.
Great sex is not solely determined by desire, but rather by prioritizing and creating time for it in a relationship. According to research, people who have extraordinary sex often do so in long-term, monogamous relationships, and their sex lives are not necessarily characterized by constant horniness. Instead, they value the importance of sexual connection and satisfaction enough to make it a priority. If the sex is disappointing, it's unlikely to be prioritized. However, there are times in life when sex may not be a top priority due to circumstances such as having a newborn or undergoing cancer treatment. In such cases, mutual support and connection may take precedence over eroticism. Ultimately, sexual desire is a byproduct of caring enough about sexuality to find your way to it. So, the question to consider is, what kind of sex is worth wanting and prioritizing in your relationship?
Impact of cultural norms on women's sexuality: Cultural teachings can lead to disconnection from sexuality, lack of exploration, and uncomfortable communication. Focus on positivity and shared goals for productive conversations.
Cultural norms and societal teachings can significantly impact women's relationship with their sexuality and pleasure. From a young age, girls are often taught that their bodies are not their own, leading to a lack of understanding and exploration of their own desires. This can result in women feeling disconnected from their bodies and unsure of what they like during sex. Communication between partners about sexual needs and desires can be uncomfortable, and it's essential to approach the conversation with positivity and a focus on solutions. By acknowledging the good things in the relationship and expressing a shared goal for improvement, partners can have a productive and respectful conversation about their sexual connection.
Communication and creating a positive context enhance sexual experiences: Complimenting, sharing stories, simple acts of service, and understanding initiation styles can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experiences
Effective communication and creating a positive context are key to enhancing sexual experiences. Complimenting your partner's good qualities and avoiding negative language can help build a strong connection. Sharing stories of great sexual experiences and identifying the factors that contributed to them can provide insights for improving future experiences. Simple acts of service, such as taking care of household chores, can help reduce stress and make it easier for your partner to let go of distractions. Understanding each other's initiation styles, as outlined in the 5 Love Languages, can also help facilitate better communication and intimacy. In essence, focusing on creating a positive context and understanding each other's needs can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experiences.
Understanding Love Languages and Initiation Styles for Better Sexual Experiences: Improve your sexual experiences by recognizing your and your partner's love languages and initiation styles, addressing mental blocks, and focusing on mental and emotional connection through PowerSync 60.
Sex is not just a physical act, but a mental one as well. Understanding your partner's love language and initiation style, as well as your own, can significantly improve your sexual experience. This is why Dr. Mindy has teamed up with Tony Horton to create PowerSync 60, a revolutionary 60-day fitness program for both men and women that prioritizes mental and emotional connection. Orgasms, too, are not solely genital functions, but brain activities. Therefore, the mindset and thoughts during sexual activity play a crucial role in achieving orgasm. Past experiences, trauma, and societal scripts can impact one's ability to orgasm, making it essential to address any mental blocks and work with what we have in the present moment. PowerSync 60 aims to help individuals let go of these mental barriers and focus on enhancing their sexual connection.
Understanding Female Orgasm: Focus on Clitoral Stimulation: While vaginal intercourse can provide pleasure, clitoral stimulation is often necessary for women to achieve orgasm. Masturbation can help women learn to orgasm and overcome mental and emotional barriers. Prioritize pleasure over orgasm.
Women's ability to achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone is relatively low, and focusing on clitoral stimulation is often necessary for reaching orgasm. Despite this being well-established in research for decades, it's still a common question and misconception. Many people, especially women, struggle with orgasm and may benefit from exploring pleasure without focusing solely on orgasm as the goal. Masturbation can be an effective way to learn to orgasm and understand one's sexual responses. The key is to identify and address mental and emotional barriers that may be preventing orgasm, such as self-doubt or anxiety. Overall, the goal should be to prioritize pleasure and enjoy the sexual experience, rather than solely focusing on orgasm as the end goal.
Normalizing conversations about sexuality: Encourage self-discovery and open conversations about gender, orientation, and pleasure to help young people build confidence and joy in their sexuality.
Sex education should focus on normalizing conversations about gender expression, sexual orientation, and pleasure. Individuals, particularly girls, need to be encouraged to explore their own bodies and understand their own sexuality with kindness and compassion. This can be achieved through individual thought papers and group conversations in high school. Additionally, parents play a crucial role in starting open and honest conversations about sex and sexuality, including teaching girls about masturbation and the importance of self-exploration. By prioritizing self-discovery and normalizing conversations around sexuality, we can help young people build confidence and joy in their sexuality, rather than viewing it as an enemy.
Open and honest communication about sex: Parents should approach sex talks with their children as they would any other bodily function, emphasizing accuracy, openness, and prioritizing pleasure.
The way we communicate about sex to our children and society as a whole can have a significant impact on their understanding and attitudes towards sexual health and pleasure. The speaker shared her personal experience of learning about sex from her mother and how it shaped her beliefs. She emphasized the importance of open and honest conversations between parents and children, and the potential harm caused by inadequate or inaccurate sex education. She encouraged parents to approach these conversations in the same way as discussing any other bodily function. The speaker also emphasized the importance of pleasure in sexual well-being and encouraged people to prioritize it. She encouraged everyone to read her book and continue the conversation on sexual health and pleasure. Overall, the conversation highlighted the importance of open and honest communication, accurate information, and prioritizing pleasure in sexual health education.
Exploring meaningful conversations about health, life, and mindset: The Resetter podcast offers unique interviews with health influencers and mindset changers, fostering a supportive community for individuals to take charge of their health and wellbeing.
Importance of having meaningful conversations about health, life, and mindset, which goes beyond what we typically find on social media or mainstream media. The Resetter podcast, now in its second season, aims to bring such conversations to its audience through interviews with health influencers and mindset changers. The podcast's host expresses deep appreciation for the listeners and their engagement, promising to deliver unique content that can't be found elsewhere. The podcast is more than just a source of information; it's a shared journey towards better health and wellbeing. The host encourages listeners to share their feedback and suggestions to make the podcast even more impactful and customized to their needs. In essence, the Resetter podcast is a platform for inspiring and empowering individuals to take charge of their health and mindset, fostering a supportive community where everyone can learn and grow together.
