#parent

The words non-binary, queer, trans, are regularly used in social media and the news nowadays. Many teens are far more educated on their significance than us parents; in fact many of us would be completely unprepared over how to support a child that announces they're trans. 

In some countries, and communities, anything that veers from heterosexual is still punished. In many first world countries there has been a large shift towards acceptance and understanding of people who don't fit into societal norms. 

School environments are being adapted to provide accommodations. For some, this seems like an obvious progression, and rooted in kindness and care. For others this can feel very challenging, even offensive if it impinges on other rights. 

Even if our own children aren't affected, they are living in a world were things have changed dramatically from when we were teenagers, so I decided we'd all benefit from listening to someone with extensive experience, and refreshing perspectives on gender. 

Stella O'Malley's a psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and parent, with many years’ experience working as a mental health professional. She's also the founder of Genspect, an international alliance of professionals, trans people, de-transitioners, parent groups and others who seek high-quality care for gender-related distress.

Her podcast is called Gender: A Wider Lens, and her co-authored book is called When Kids Say They're Trans. 

You can find out more about her at our website www.teenagersuntangled.com

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

In this interview with Danielle Winton of Memory Strategy we talked about: 

* Why we should care about memory stategies.
* Key things parents can do to support their teens.
* How to link a number to music.
* Everyone can polish up their memory.
* Using your body as a memory palace.
* How to help yourself with memorizing names.
* Using blurting to check what you remember.
* Mind-mapping and memory.
* Why to get students to be more creative about learning.


For more about parenting teenagers listen to our podcast Teenagers Untangled, or go to the website www.teenagersuntangled.com

For more on improving your memory, and the work of Danielle Winton, go to www.memorystrategy.com

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

An interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover.

It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to follow, online safety, and how to put your best self forward online.

What I thought might be particularly useful for us parents was the Tips and Tricks section at the back. I'm going to use each heading to bring up discussions at the dinner table so that we can have  informed conversations about the issues involved.

Book: Clicks: How to be Your Best Self Online by Natasha Devon MBE
www.natashadevon.com

Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. 

The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?

In this podcast:

We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. 
How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.
How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.
And how using positivity can keep us going.

Some ideas:

• Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answer
• Find one on one time with each child
• Don't text and drive
• Create a tech contract
• Create a chores contract
• Yell less
• Listen more
• Sort out sleep routines
• End your work day
• Find space for you
• Don't judge out loud
• Let your teen cook once a week
• Don't judge people out loud
• Let your teen make their mistakes so they learn from them
• Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see
• Practice gratitude
• Build a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situation
• Make time for your partner
• Get outside more
• Sit down to family meals more often
• Find games or activities you can all enjoy together

Resources:
Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.
https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/
https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/
https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times,
but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. 

The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. 

Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all the difference.

Given that both of us are step-parents, it seemed like a great topic to discuss after Kathryn reached out to us to ask if we'd help with the situation in her home.

In this episode we cover the critical importance of: 

• Bonding with the step-child. 
• Forming a stable and united front with your new partner. 
• Taking care not to take on the role of disciplining your bonus child but providing solid back-up for their biological parent. 
• Making sure that your own needs are understood and met.

 
RESOURCES:
https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/
 https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-bond-with-your-stepchildren#1
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-blended-family-wont-blend-part-ii-what-to-do-when-your-stepkids-disrespect-you/
https://www.care.com/c/bonding-with-stepchildren-7-tips-for-buildin/
https://www.moms.com/stepparents-advise-20-ways-to-bond-with-stepchildren/
https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/

BOOKS: Jenna Korf, Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict. 

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. 

For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong.

Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. 

RESOURCES USED:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/teen-parties
https://www.whosthemummy.co.uk/teenage-house-parties-survival-tips-for-parents/
Wellington College UK document 'Alcohol and Parties.'

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. '

There are many articles about entitled teens, yet there are statistics that show they drink less, have fewer teenage pregnancies, and are more concerned about job prospects than previous generations.

So what is an entitled teen, is it all bad, and how do we make sure that we're not raising one?

RESOURCES:

•  https://www.forbes.com/sites/charlestowersclark/2022/06/27/generation-y-and-zempowered-or-entitled/?sh=6d552cf67715
• https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/jeremy-clarkson-the-offensive-word-todays-entitled-teens-have-never-heard-no-j95kzjxhw
• https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/entitled-people-what-expect-and-how-deal-them#:~:text=The%20sources%20of%20entitlement%20are,feel%20that%20they%20are%20special.
• https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0140197110000783
• https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/the-psychology-behind-sense-of-entitlement/
• https://www.today.com/parents/avoid-raising-entitled-child-5-strategies-really-work-t44576 Amy McCready positiveparentingsolutions

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Have you ever caught your teenager lying to you?  Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious. 

Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately end up destroying trust.

We discuss the types of lying, the reasons why our teenagers are doing it, and how to tackle the situation when they're caught out. 

Also, have you been keeping track of the age at which you give each of your teens specific freedoms? When could they get their ears pierced, when did they get their devices, and when were they allowed out to parties? Have you kept careful notes, or did you just wing it? It can cause real friction between siblings so we share our own stories.

RESOURCES:

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/thinking-about-kids/201703/why-do-teens-lie-part-1
• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/280064789_From_junior_to_senior_Pinocchio_A_cross-sectional_lifespan_investigation_of_deception
• https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/why-do-teenagers-lie/
• https://www.jstor.org/stable/353854?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents"Other Teens Drink, but Not My Kid": Does Parental Awareness of Adolescent Alcohol Use Protect Adolescents from Risky Consequences?
• https://www.parenting-hub.com/parenting/teen/consequences-for-teenagers-lying/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Do you have a teen at home who's all sweet and loving with one parent, but treats the other like they're a bad smell? Karen says she feels like running away because she's walking on eggshells in her own house, with a daughter who is rude to her but sweet and kind to her husband.

Why do they do it and how can we, as both a parent and partner, make things better for everyone?
 
Also, it's been around since the Ancients: Personal expression using hair dyes, make-up, nail varnish, piercing and tattoos is something teenagers gravitate towards, and some parents struggle with. 

How should we respond to any requests or demands, and what restrictions should we be putting in place?

RESOURCES:

Favoured parent:
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/you-might-not-be-your-teens-preferred-parent-right-now-but-that-doesnt-mean-they-love-you-less/
https://imperfectfamilies.com/child-prefers-one-parent/
https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/kid-prefers-parent/
https://theweek.com/articles/915007/why-kids-have-favorite-parent

Teenage Expression:
https://gracieopulanza.com/psychology-of-teenagers-the-tattoo-and-piercing-generation/
https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/tattoos-for-teens
https://www2.ljworld.com/news/2015/mar/24/double-take-teen-tattoos-are-lasting-expression-wo/
https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/tattoos-piercings#talking-with-your-child-about-tattoos-and-body-piercings-nav-title
https://teamstage.io/tattoos-in-the-workplace-statistics/
https://www.elle.fr/Societe/News/L-epilation-nouvelle-source-de-conflit-mere-fille-Temoignages-4028381

https://lorenaoberg.co.uk/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

The rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation.

Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range. 

One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 countries found that the average age of the first incident of self-harm is 13 and adolescents have the highest rate of self-injury behaviour. 

Given the increasing risk that your teen, or one of their friends, will be impacted by self-harm we decided to delve into what it is and how we can better help our adolescents. 

One mum says that her 12 year old teen began self-harming due to bullying. She takes her to the swings whenever she needs to soothe herself, and says it makes all the difference. Such a great idea! 

Resources:

• https://www.priorygroup.com/media-centre/ten-ways-a-parent-can-help-a-child-avoid-self-harming
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201803/6-tips-reduce-self-harm-in-children
• https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/for-friends-and-family/
• https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/10-ways-people-self-harm-self-injure
• https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html 
• https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/why-pro-self-injury-pro-self-harm-websites-are-dangerous
• https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-statistics/

HELPLINES:

• In the UK Samaritans, 116 123
• In the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
• In Australia the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14
• www.befrienders.org
• Selfharm.co.uk Called Alumina is a free online 7 week course for young people struggling with self-harm Each course has up to 8 people, all at home. You don’t need an adult to sign you up. UK.
• free online self-harm support for 14-19 year olds.
• LifeSIGNS.org.uk information to support people who are ready to find new ways to cope. 
• Selfinjurysupport.co.uk offers information and support to women and girls affected. 
• Youngminds.org.uk 
• Zest, counselling and support in Northern Ireland.
• Resources for those affected by cancers/diseases caused by asbestos.https://www.mesotheliomahope.com/resources/children/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We can be good at feeling blah or we can treat it as an unwanted guest, which way do you treat your 'blah'? The way you react to it will determine how you are feeling and how well you are at taking care of yourself during the 'blah'.
Listen to this episode to find out how the two ways are different, what thoughts you can think in order to switch to a more useful mode. 
There's a way to determine which mode you are in so you can slowly walk yourself back to a more kind, useful mode.

Take care of your blah, welcome it in. Be a good guest.

If you are ready to take your work to the next level and finally have an amazing relationship with yourself and your son go to my website and sign up for a free session https://coachingnatalia.com/schedule-an-appointment/

This is the best way to avoid blowing up at your kids or your husband.  There are many ways and I suggest you find the one that works best for you.
This one works so well i believe it will help you release some of that stress you are feeling.

I help you stop blowing up at your kids - sign up here for a free consultation. https://coachingnatalia.com/schedule-an-appointment/

In this episode host Stephanie dives into how mom guilt impacted her career and personal life. Find out what lesson she wished she learned earlier, how it impacted her, how you can avoid making the same mistake, and what to do if you made it too. This episode is inspired by my podcast episode with Renee Rein, Mom guilt with the Mom Room’s Renee Reina. Ep. 90, listen here, or get it where you listen.

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Produced by: Stephanie Mitton

When the other person doesn't do what we want then to do we can either get upset, let it ruin our whole day or we do these 2 things:
- remember that life is 50% great and 50%shitty and that's OK
- NOT fight what IS in front of us

if he does not want to go on a walk - then it means he does not want to go on a walk.
It does not mean you have nothing in common, you will never be able to do anything, or that yo suck at this.  it simply means that this is the negative part of life AND he does not want to go on a walk - and it's ALL OK.

life should be 50% negative emotion and we can LET other people do or not do whatever it is they want.  because the alternative is feeling upset over it.
listen to my example of how this played out for me last saturday

if you are stuck being upset  then come sign up for a session and get unstuck https://coachingnatalia.com/schedule-an-appointment/ 

A definition of bullying:  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/

Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims.

What researchers have learned about it:

• There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
• Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
• Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
• Studies have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modelling kindness and respect, and seeking help.

WHAT PARENTS CAN DO:     Ask questions of everyone, write everything down and become the most pleasant nuisance you can be until it is resolved.

Beforehand: Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. Communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. Make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying. A bully's preferred method of intimidation is to keep his victim isolated. A parent's best strategy for countering bullying is to reach out to as many people as necessary to make sure that the bullying comes to an end.

IF YOU THINK YOUR TEEN MIGHT HAVE BEEN BULLIED: Start the conversation in a general way because it’s humiliating to admit.
IF THEY AREN’T SURE IT WAS BULLYING: Ask open-ended questions to get more information about what happened, so you can help them identify bullying.
IF YOUR CHILD WAS THE BULLY:  Stay calm. Be open and listen. Ask questions. The goal is to help them learn from this and work through the reasons they did it so you can help them find other, healthy ways to deal with their feelings or situations that come up. You will also need to work with the school or parents to deal with it. 

BULLYING
https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/teens

https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-bullying/

https://www.kidscape.org.uk/media/133790/kidscape-log-and-school-contact-record.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201203/what-parents-can-do-when-b

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

I want to invite you to come and get this for yourself.  What does it mean to you to have a good relationship with your son? it means different things to different people.  What is it for you?
Listen up to find out what it takes to have that and of course you must come talk to me if you believe you are ready to have that. 
sigh up here https://coachingnatalia.com/schedule-an-appointment/

By the way as you listen to this you can substitute any other person in the place of the son and it will still work: your husband, your mom, your daughter, anyone. So listen to this concept and you can apply it to anyone in your life. 

There are 2 sons - one in your head and one that’s the actual person in reality out there. 

Does the son in your head match(thoughts about your son) the son in reality. 

The bigger the gap the more there is suffering.

The smaller the gap the more joy you have. The more love and connection you feel.

Here’s why - you have NO control over the person who is your son but you do have full control over your THOUGHTS about your son. And great news - your THOUGHTS about him will determine how you connect with him.   If you accept his just as he is that means the son in your head is matching with the son in reality.  IF you do not accept him as he is and wish he were different you are creating the gap between you and him.  Because the two people don’t match.  This creates suffering. Reality always wins.  

Personal examples

My sons back hurts - son in my head - his back doesn’t hurt. Suffering

Son in my head should never get frustrated at his brothers - suffering.

Son in my head should not be so sensitive - suffering. 

Son in your head should do a certain job or should call you certain amount of times or should come visit, anything that he should do that he is not doing is what is creating that GAP between imaginary son in your head and the actual person who is your son. 

Thinking too highly of your son - he’s amazing, he’s wonderful, he can do nothing wrong- sure you can think that if that feels good to you but be careful - your son is also a human who makes mistakes so when he does that human thing that he does that doesn’t match your ideal image in your head you will also suffer. 

So I suggest you always rely on reality to tell you what your son should be doing and who he should be. Not your head.

Make your sons match as closely as possible for your own sake, so that YOU can feel connected and loving and support and be proud of yourself. Not for his sake although he will benefit. 

The way to do that is to have thoughts about your son that reflect who he is. he doesn’t have to call me. I love him. He should be frustrated with his brothers.  He should have a sore back. He should do all the things he does. He should not do all the things he doesn’t do. Do you see what I mean. 

The smaller the gap between your idea of your son and your actual son the more connection you will feel. 

Is conflict never-ending in your home, or are your teenagers benefitting from having a sibling? We talk about our own experiences - memories of driving our own siblings up the wall - and the research we've read that will help you to make the situation positive.

One thing to note is that if you have an only child don't panic. There are some enormous benefits of not having a sibling; it's just different. 

Top tips from Positive Parenting Solutions for reducing the conflict between the siblings in your home:

1. Don't label your children, or compare them. Don't make them the pretty one or the clever one or the sporty one. It's very limiting and is bound to create conflict. 
2. Arrange for attention. Make sure they each feel they are being noticed, and that their needs are being met. Those needs will differ between children.
3. Prepare for peace and set grounds for acceptable behaviour. Teach them the language they should be using to communicate properly, be clear about what is expected from them in your home, and arrange ways in which conflicts can be resolved without fighting.
4. Stay out of the conflict. Don't always step in to resolve it. They may be fighting just to get your attention. Each time you feed that behaviour by getting involved you run the risk of making things worse. Teenagers need to be developing the skills to fix problems themselves, so give them time to work it out. 
5. Calm the conflict if you do get involved listen to both sides, getting them to talk in terms of 'I feel'. Don't apportion blame, get them to discuss ways in which they can stop the situation escalating again. 
6. Put them all in the same boat. Make the consequences of their behaviour the same for everyone involved. If they end up fighting they both end up suffering. If they behave themselves, they both benefit. 

Listener's question: We discuss the case of a thirteen year old girl who is doing very well at school, but misbehaving at home, vaping and swearing. What's going on? Could her parents approach the situation differently? How should we handle vaping?

For vaping, watch Big Vape with them. It’s on Netflix in the Broken Series.

Resources referenced in the podcast:
Sibling rivalry:

• Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• The Sibling Connection by Jane Mersky Leder
• Calypso by David Sedaris
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/articles/199301/adult-sibling-rivalryJudy Dunn, professor of human development at Penn State University.
• Deborah Gold, Ph.D., senior fellow at the Center for Aging and Human Development at Duke University 
• www.positiveparentingsolutions.com 

Teen who's behaving well at school but vaping and misbehaving at home:

• Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinicalpsychologist at the Child Mind Institute. 
• Dr. Bubrick, Clinical Psychologist at Child Mind Institute, 
• Notes from the Field: E-Cigarette Use Among Middle and High School Students — National Youth Tobacco Survey, United States, 2021
• Five vaping facts you need to know, M.J, Blaha MD MPH Hopkins Medicine.org
• Merchants of Doubt: How a Handful of Scientists Obscured the Truth on Issues from Tobacco Smoke

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?

And our listener’s question comes from Emma:
'‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to stop playing the piano now she’s grade four. I’m so upset about it, because whenever she seems to be good at something she goes so far then just gives up and wants to hang out with her friends. What should I do?"

TED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?
https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en

Books referenced:
The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
Thrivers by Michele Borba

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

#HappySaturday! In this week's #PodcastEpisode, we have a little bit of a different topic for all of you. We talk a lot about goal setting and accomplishing things. But, one of the things that Dr. Parker Houston and Clint talk a lot about is parenting and how to become better at it.

So today, we have the pleasure of speaking with Clayton Cranford with Cyber Safety Cop. Clayton is a retired Sergeant from the Orange County Sheriff's Department and founder of Cyber Safety Cop. Clayton is one of the nation's leading law enforcement educators on social media, child safety, and behavioral threat assessments. Clayton is the author of the definitive book on cyber safety for families, "Parenting in the Digital World."

He teaches parents and students how to avoid online threats, such as cyberbullying, online predators, pornography, and social media addiction.

He has served as a member of the Orange County School Threat Assessment Team, School Resource Officer, and Crisis Negotiation Team. He also supervised Orange County's drug abuse education program that has reached thousands of students in hundreds of schools throughout Southern California.

Clayton shared, "The average teenager is online six to eight hours a day. However, that number was before COVID and the lockdown. Now we have children and teens who are online more than they are asleep. There are too many challenges that they have to face online. And, those pressures in those lead to severe problems. I travel all over the United States talking to parents, students, community leaders, and more. And what's crazy is that I may be the only person who talks about these topics within internet safety. People tend to shy away from it, but I have dealt with many families with children who were exposed at a very young age, and it's radically changed their lives. It's led to addiction, perceptions about sexuality, and health issues damaging for children. I have seen teen after teen that it has impacted their future and future relationships. There are some real issues there. It's a drug. It stimulates their brains in the same way street drugs do."

Top Book Recommended by Clayton:
(1) A Hunter-Gatherer's Guide to the 21st Century by Bret Weinstein

Get in touch with Clayton:
Book: Parenting In The Digital World
Website: Cyber Safety Cop
Instagram: Cyber Safety Cop

If this episode resonated with you today, please subscribe, share it with a friend and leave us a review. You can find us on Next Peak Podcast. If you want to connect with Dr. Parker Houston, you can find him at LeadYouFirst. Sign up for his weekly blog to receive some research-based tools that will help you transform your work and your life.

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Until next week, keep climbing your next peak.