Podcast Summary
Coaching Yourself for Better Resilience: Learning to coach yourself can help manage emotions, reduce suffering, and navigate life's challenges effectively.
Coaching yourself on a daily basis can help you better handle unexpected situations and reduce suffering. According to Tara Lowenthal, a Harvard Law School graduate, feminist rock star, and master coach, before she learned to coach herself, when something unexpected happened, she would feel overwhelmed and at the mercy of her emotions. But now, she notices that her emotions flow through her cleanly and intensely, and she recovers quickly. The difference, she explains, is that suffering often comes from our thoughts and stories about a situation. Pain, on the other hand, is inevitable. Suffering is optional. By learning to coach yourself, you can decrease the suffering and better navigate life's challenges.
Managing stress during the holiday season: Focus on managing thoughts and emotions for a deeper transformation during the holiday season, despite family challenges
The work of unfucking your brain and dealing with stress goes beyond just reducing anxiety and stress. It can lead to a deeper transformation that changes how you experience the world. This holiday season, which can be stressful for many, it's important to have reasonable expectations and not expect our families to change their behavior. Instead, focus on managing our own thoughts and emotions to make the most of family time. By applying the tools and techniques discussed in this podcast, we can navigate the challenges of the holiday season and even enjoy the experience.
Acknowledge challenging feelings and thoughts during family gatherings are natural: Prepare mentally by deciding what thoughts to focus on ahead of time to better handle emotions and situations at family gatherings
Instead of having unrealistic expectations for how family gatherings will go and being at the mercy of your emotions and thoughts, it's important to acknowledge that challenging feelings and thoughts are a natural part of the human experience and that you have the power to decide what to think. Preparing yourself mentally by practicing deciding what thoughts to focus on ahead of time can help you better handle the emotions and situations that may arise during family gatherings. Instead of hoping for the best and feeling helpless when faced with negative emotions or thoughts, you can take control and choose your mental attitude. This will not only make the experience less draining, but it can also lead to a more enjoyable and peaceful family time.
Deciding how to think and feel about situations: Instead of reacting to situations based on past experiences, we can choose to manage our emotions and expectations to reduce stress and improve experiences.
Instead of passively accepting and reacting to situations based on past experiences and hoping for different outcomes, we have the power to decide how we think and feel about them. Using the example of spending time with family, we often anticipate and stress out about potential negative behaviors, but since we know these patterns, we can choose to expect them and manage our emotions accordingly. For instance, if our mother always comments on our weight, rather than worrying and resenting her ahead of time, we can accept that she will do so and focus on our reaction and response. Similarly, if our partner is always late, instead of spending energy worrying about the inconvenience, we can decide to expect it and plan accordingly. By taking control of our thoughts and feelings, we can reduce stress and improve our overall experience in various situations.
Managing Emotional Responses to Others' Actions: Instead of being controlled by fears of others' actions, identify and challenge negative thoughts to reframe them positively, reducing emotional toll and improving emotional control.
Instead of letting the potential actions of others control our emotions, we have the power to manage our own emotional responses. By identifying what we're worried might happen and why we're afraid of it, we can recognize that our fears stem from the thoughts we have about future feelings. Therefore, we can choose to replace those thoughts with more positive and productive ones, allowing us to feel in control of our emotional lives rather than at the mercy of others' actions. This exercise involves writing down our fears and the emotions they evoke, and then challenging those thoughts to reframe them in a more positive light. Ultimately, this approach allows us to use our energy more effectively and reduce the emotional toll of anticipated negative events.
Control your emotions by controlling your thoughts: You can't control others or external events, but you can control your thoughts and emotions. Choose thoughts that lead to desired emotions and react intentionally to situations.
Our emotions are not caused by external events, but rather by our thoughts about those events. So, when we're worried about how someone else might make us feel in the future, what we're really worried about is having a particular thought that will lead to an unwanted emotion. To react differently, we can decide ahead of time what thoughts we want to have when a potentially triggering situation arises. This gives us more control over our emotions and allows us to respond in a more intentional way. For example, instead of assuming our mom's comment about our weight means she thinks we look bad and feeling ashamed, we could choose to think she's just self-conscious about her own weight and feel compassion instead. Similarly, instead of feeling criticized by our sister's comment about our caregiving efforts, we could choose to focus on our own beliefs and actions that make us a good son or daughter. By consciously choosing our thoughts, we can change the emotional response to external events.
Decide emotions beforehand: Choose desired emotions before entering triggering situations, for better control over reactions and improved relationships.
We all have the power to decide what thoughts and feelings we want to have before entering potentially triggering situations, rather than reacting negatively in the moment. This practice can help us avoid the drama and emotional turmoil that often comes with family interactions or other challenging conversations. By deciding ahead of time how we want to feel and what thought will produce that feeling, we can take control of our emotions and respond in a calm and neutral way. This doesn't mean we won't set boundaries or make decisions about continuing a conversation, but we won't have to feel bad or ashamed about it. Practicing this skill can be challenging, especially when intense negative feelings have already been triggered, but it is a valuable tool for managing emotions and improving relationships.
Control emotions and thoughts during challenging interactions: Decide ahead how to respond, practice, and manage emotions for effective relationships during holidays and beyond
We have the power to control our emotions and thoughts, especially during challenging situations or interactions with difficult people. By deciding ahead of time how we will respond and practicing that response, we can take the emotional driver's seat and navigate our relationships more effectively. This technique, known as "driving your own emotional bus," can be particularly helpful during the holiday season when family dynamics can be complex. Additionally, attending Kara Loewentheil's webinar, "Unfuck Your Brain," can provide valuable tools and insights for identifying and overcoming thought patterns that may be holding us back in our relationships. Overall, the ability to manage our emotions and thoughts is a powerful skill that can lead to greater fulfillment and connection in all areas of our lives.
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