Podcast Summary
True self care involves internal work: Setting boundaries, practicing self compassion, aligning values, and exercising power lead to personal growth and community change, but beware of consumerist culture's distractions
While self care has become a cultural expectation and a multibillion-dollar industry, it can often feel like just another productivity chore, leading to burnout instead of relief. Self care advocate Pooja Lakshmi argues that true self care involves internal work, such as setting boundaries, practicing self compassion, aligning values, and exercising power. However, Lakshmi also criticizes the consumerist culture surrounding self care, which can distract from addressing the structural pain and inequality that underlies many self care needs. She believes that real self care can lead to personal growth and community change, but it requires moving beyond the easy, one-size-fits-all self care culture and addressing the root causes of suffering.
Moving Beyond Faux Self-Care to Real Solutions: We need to focus on addressing the root causes of stress and burnout, such as lack of access to resources and societal issues, for real self-care and a more equitable society.
Self-care, as it is commonly understood, often falls short in addressing the systemic issues that contribute to individuals' wellbeing. The speaker argues that we need to move beyond the superficial practices like essential oils and bullet journals, which she refers to as "faux self-care," and focus on the root causes of stress and burnout. These causes include lack of access to resources like affordable healthcare and paid parental leave, as well as societal issues like white supremacy and greedy capitalism. By recognizing and addressing these underlying issues, we can promote "real self-care" that truly improves people's lives and creates a more equitable society.
Self-care deeply connected to societal structures: Self-care goes beyond individual tasks, it's about creating systemic change through personal actions, aligning with values, and challenging societal norms.
Individual self-care is deeply connected to collective social structures and policies. Burnout, a condition often thought of as an individual issue, is actually shaped by societal decisions and workplace conditions. The pandemic highlighted this for working mothers, who disproportionately bore the burden of domestic labor and caregiving. The words we use matter, as policies that support caregivers are framed differently depending on the social safety net in place. Self-care, then, should not be seen as a task to check off but a way of life, embedded in every decision. Real self-care includes creating boundaries, practicing compassion, aligning with personal values, and asserting power. This subversive approach builds on the work of Black queer thinkers like Audre Lorde and bell hooks. By focusing on individual self-care through these pillars, we can challenge societal norms and create a more equitable system.
True self-care goes beyond temporary solutions: Prioritize long-term well-being by aligning decisions with values, setting boundaries, practicing compassion, and making significant life changes.
Self-care comes in different forms, and while tools like yoga, meditation, and candles can provide temporary relief, the true essence of self-care lies in principles such as setting boundaries, practicing compassion, and living in alignment with values. For marginalized groups, especially women of color, this form of self-care can be a matter of survival. However, making significant life changes to practice real self-care can be challenging and may not feel enjoyable in the moment. It takes time and effort to adjust to new environments and routines. While the allure of faux self-care may be strong, it is essential to remember that these practices are temporary solutions and do not address the root causes of stress and burnout. Ultimately, the goal is to make decisions that align with our values and prioritize our well-being over the long term. Even though the process may be difficult, the rewards of practicing real self-care are worth the effort.
Practicing true self-care as a lifelong process: Self-care is a lifelong practice of making choices aligned with values, finding meaning in activities, and adapting to changing circumstances, not a one-time achievement.
True self-care involves making choices aligned with your values, even if it doesn't always bring immediate pleasure or alleviate suffering. It's about finding meaning and purpose in your activities, relationships, and how you spend your time and energy. This kind of self-care is not a one-time achievement but a lifelong practice that requires constant reflection and adjustment. Furthermore, it's essential to acknowledge that suffering is a part of the human experience for many people, and self-care should not be used to blame or shame those who face systemic challenges. The principles of self-care are not easy to implement, and they require ongoing effort and adaptation to the changing circumstances of our lives. Ultimately, self-care is about empowering ourselves to live in a way that honors our unique values and experiences.
Define personal boundaries and values for meaningful change: Setting boundaries and understanding personal values helps in making better decisions and motivates us to change. Pausing and considering options before saying yes or no can lead to positive change personally and collectively.
Setting boundaries and understanding personal values are essential for making meaningful changes in one's life. As a psychiatrist, Dr. Truschel emphasizes that people are more motivated to change when they see the benefits for themselves. The process involves defining boundaries as the pause to make decisions, considering the options of yes, no, or negotiation. While saying no isn't always accessible, taking a pause and thinking through options can lead to better decision-making. The reality is that many people can't always say no, but they can learn to pause and work towards being able to do so in the future. This approach can lead to collective action and positive change, both personally and in various systems, such as workplaces and families.
Setting boundaries and saying no comes with costs: Understanding the consequences of saying no and setting boundaries is essential, despite societal expectations and feelings of guilt or backlash.
Setting boundaries and saying no comes with costs, both professionally and personally. It goes against the common advice of being assertive and negotiating, but it's essential to understand the consequences of our decisions. The idea of a win-win solution in every situation is a fantasy, and in reality, there are instances where a simple "no" is necessary. However, this can come with feelings of guilt, backlash, and drama, especially in family situations. Women, in particular, often bear the brunt of these emotions due to societal expectations. Setting boundaries requires understanding the technical process of communicating the boundary and the emotional process of dealing with the fallout. It's important to remember that not every situation offers a win-win solution and that it's okay to prioritize ourselves, even if it means dealing with the consequences.
Setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion are crucial aspects of self-care: Recognize the importance of setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and prioritizing tasks to ensure overall well-being.
Setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion are essential aspects of real self-care. Setting boundaries means recognizing that others cannot make us feel better and seeking support from a third party instead. Self-compassion involves being kind to ourselves and recognizing that the conversations we have with ourselves matter. When we're overwhelmed, it's crucial to identify which tasks are "glass balls" that require us to step back and take care of ourselves before tackling the "rubber balls" on our to-do lists. Aligning our values with our behavior is another crucial aspect of self-care, but it can be challenging. It's essential to remember that self-care doesn't have to be overwhelming or unrealistic. It's about making small, manageable changes that support our overall well-being.
Individual actions impact communities: Recognize interconnectedness of individual and collective actions, encourage continuous small choices towards authentic and community-oriented lifestyle.
Self-care goes beyond individual actions and extends to the community level. The speaker shares examples of individuals making significant changes in their lives that not only benefit them but also send a message to their families and communities about values beyond consumerism. However, the collective impact of these individual actions depends on the explicit effort to link them up with others. The speaker acknowledges the complexity of the issue and the need for a deeper understanding of the individual and social dynamics in creating lasting change. Ultimately, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing the interconnectedness of individual and collective actions and encourages continuous small choices towards a more authentic and community-oriented lifestyle.
Reevaluate personal beliefs and values every 6 months to a year: Regularly assess beliefs and values through self-reflection and engaging with thought-provoking books to ensure they guide positive decision-making and personal growth
It's important to regularly reevaluate personal beliefs and values, especially in the context of work, every 6 months to a year. This process can help individuals assess whether their beliefs are still relevant and guiding their decision-making in a positive way. Additionally, engaging with books, such as Caitlin Curtis' "Living Resistance," Lisa Damore's "The Emotional Lives of Teenagers," and N.K. Jemisin's "The Fifth Season," can provide valuable insights and perspectives that can inform personal growth and understanding of the world around us. These texts can inspire reflection on various aspects of life, including the communal, spiritual, ancestral, and personal realms. By regularly checking in with ourselves and engaging with thought-provoking material, we can continue to evolve and deepen our connection to ourselves and others.
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